omg! look! ANOTHER blog!

(Stale) Peanut Butter and (Decomposed) Jelly

2007-07-02T20:14:00.000+08:00

So I've been putting this off for as long as possible. Writing in my blog that is. Don't even know why.

No actually I do. Firstly, no one reads this blog because it's DEAD (which is my fault). Secondly, I don't know where to start. It's like I'm not exactly at the peak of my creative cycle (it's NOT as regular as the menstrual cycle sadly =D). I hardly even know what I'm writing right now.

But then again, you (you being the hypothetical person who reads my blog) might ask, why am I blogging now if I'm lamenting at the same time that I can't? Well that's also coz of a couple of reasons: I'm completely, utterly bored. Sure, I could be writing the article for the newsletter but I don't feel like. And with writing, at least for me, it should come naturally. If it doesn't it's not as good. And bad writing, especially MY bad writing just kills me. Second, I was just compelled to come online and blog. Like, I didn't even know what I was doing. Usually I click on the msn messenger icon and logg in first to see whether there were any interesting people online which, nowadays, doesn't happen much (maybe it's coz msn doesn't really appeal to me as much as it did before). But today I went straight to safari and went to www.blogger.com and now here I am, stumbling through a blog entry.

I know what they mean by writer's block now. Writer's block is HORRIBLE. Trying to describe it does not even BEGIN to come close to actually feeling the block. It's like being completely unable to express yourself. Think of a person who loves to talk but then, is one day, rendered mute. Think of a person who's very life is music but then, is one day, rendered deaf. Think of a soccer player who's just been told that he can never play soccer ever again because he broke his legs.

It's like that. I hate the feeling. Of course, I'm not feeling it on that level, probably because I'm not a full-time writer. But it just scares me. I mean, if this affects me so much now, imagine how dependent I would be on myself and my talents when I grow up and start working! Is this how being old is - being unable to do what you have been doing for your whole life?

Maybe I'll have to change my answer to that question that people like to ask each other: Work for passion, or for money. I've always said that I would work for passion. But in the end, if it's all just going to stop, just like this sentence.

Maybe it's a good thing I'm doing engineering instead of political science or journalism.

Morbidity is definitely NOT GOOD when you're all alone at home.

In other news, I'm off to McGill (it's in Montreal, Canada for all the hypothetical dingbats who didn't know and who are going to read my blog). I'm really quite excited. Sure, I have those worries about how I might not fit in. But c'mon, it's a big place. I'm sure to find someone as zany as me there.
I really hope I do. Else, university is going to be terrible. I need a fellow pigeon wherever I go.

After a Really Long Time...

2007-03-26T01:43:00.000+08:00

Blogging is like swimming. If you stop doing it for a really long time, a time in which you have changed, matured, evolved, transmuted, and then you start again, despite your misgivings about how you're going to be able to write like you did because you're afraid of what you might say or you don't really want to see what you're actually thinking about in front of you in black and white, now that you're a different person, the words come naturally, very naturally in fact.

But I'm still at a loss - what should the sequence be like? Should I start with the most apparent - my upcoming exams - or should I start with something else - the fact that I'm sad that there is an end to every single thing in life? Or should I just talk about everything and nothing? That would be an interesting topic to talk about with someone.

I guess I'm just being really random because...well because of certain things that I don't really want to talk about...not because they're not something I would want to talk about under any circumstance, but because I don't know what they are. Existence is certainly disquieting at times.

But if I had to put my finger on it, I guess what's causing me to talk this way is my fear. Not pure, primal, unadulterated fear. But anticipatory fear; fear of the unknown as we so adequately put it. What's to come? It was all very nice to merely talk about it with people, research about it on the internet, learn about it through various secondary resources, filling out forms and condensing my entire life history to a few blanks on several sheets of paper, writing essay after essay, draft after draft. I thought that was exciting, exhilarating, life-changing. But now I Don't Know what is going to happen to me. I Don't. I am not in total control of my future right now and that is scaring the BEJEEZES out of me. [Where does that word come from anyway? I mean, which country? And what the hell does it mean?].

I want to know what is going to happen at this moment. What will happen. Will I make the right choices? Am I going to make the singularly most devastating choice in my entire life by doing what I will ultimately end up doing?

I only know this: I am going to be in a completely different place 4 or 5 months from now (depends on where I go). And I am going to have to adjust, go with the flow - all of that. Whether I like it or not. Whether I'm scared or unsure or unprepared for an independent life in a place I have never lived in (unless I end up going to NUS).

I am such a coward. It's really difficult to hold your own especially if you don't know where you're going to have to do precisely that. Shakespeare is so right: The waiting interim is definitely worse than the outcome or resolution.

college essays

2006-10-30T19:55:00.000+08:00

So i was just writing Yale's second essay yesterday and i just realized something. It might seem really obvious to everyone else but I dunno why, this relevation really struck me...hard. I'M GROWING UP!!!!. After writing the essay (it was a personal statement...they wanted to know how a certain experience changed your outlook...feelings stuff like that), when i was re-reading it, I really could not believe that I had written it! It was so unlike my usual self.

I remembered that when i was writing it, there was no hesitation and everything flowed really freely. I guess that's coz this was the first essay that I have written which is purely, PURELY based on my feelings and emotions. I think everyone should be made to write like that; then they would be less confused and they would see more that is true about themselves.

You know how people say that many people don't know what they're really like coz its difficult to look at yourself objectively and criticize yourself?? It's completely true. I've experienced it and you want to know how?? By writing this and other college essays.

[I've also discovered that me and my dad DO NOT have the same opinion about writing...our styles are completely different. His is so, so much more formal. I can be both formal and informal but not formal to the extent that he is. He uses such big words!!! like in every single sentence!!!! egad. Also, both of us hate someone else criticizing our work. But we also love to criticize other people's work. We have this fiendish desire to point out their mistakes. Or maybe that's just me. =D]

So basically, my whole point is that even though writing them might be a HUGE, MAJOR pain in the ass, college essays really provide you with insights to yourself when you read them after you've written them. I can honestly say that if my postgraduate application asks me what was the most enriching experience I've ever had, I would definitely write about my exprience of writing these essays and how they've helped me look at myself in a different light. Or maybe not. Depending on my college life for the next couple of years.

omg. I am going to COLLEGE (UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!) in like A YEAR. where did all that time go??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!!

random musings

2006-10-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

I'm back from TISB again; a little older (18 here I come), a little closer to what may turn out to be impending doom for me and, as hard as it might be for some of you to believe, a little wiser as well. Well, not exactly wiser, but more nostalgic. I think that I'm not quite ready to turn 18. I mean, I constantly hear from others my age that they cannot wait to turn 18 and grow up but somehow, I don't feel the same. I feel like sticking my claws into 17. and maybe walking backwards from there. I find myself envying my siblings - their lack of worry about anything other than themselves is almost fascinating. I keep obsessing about the fact that I'm growing up so fast - I don't want to. It's scary and I don't know what to do. But I guess I have to deal with it.

But why? Why do I have to deal with it? Just because everyone who's facing the same dilemma as I am has dealt with it doesn't mean I have to. I know that in the end I will, because I have to (due to several factors, of which, the most important is my parents), but that knowledge doesn't prevent me from asking why. In fact it is the reason I am asking this question because if I didn't know that I would ultimately deal with reality, I wouldn't be fighting so hard against doing that in the meantime, until I am absolutely forced to do it. Ironic. But so true.

I think that only I will ever truly understand what I have written above. This is so unlike me. You're right Sam, I have changed. I've become more serious, more contemplative, more grown-up. I'm (finally) maturing. I don't want to. What I wouldn't give right now to backtrack a couple of years and return to Secondary 2 or 4, during which I had so much fun. Without this incessant worry about my future education, about growing up, about any of this (crap) stuff that I keep thinking about now.

Ok so I went to eat dinner and now I'm back and my mood is COMPLETELY different. weird. Now I feel normal again. Or as close to normal as I can get with a truckload of Boredom on my head and oozing out of my pockets and shirtsleeves. Imagery! I am becoming literary! I am so obsessed with Hamlet but I'm not as obsessed as those idiots who memorize lines from Plays etc. etc. and start quoting them to every Tom, Dick or Harry. I'm in a state of, what you call, dignified obsession. =D I'm dignifiedly obsessed.

Hamlet is so intriguing. His personality is so multi-faceted - every single time that you think you have got him down pat and understood him from every viewpoint, BAM, he changes again and it's like there's a whole new protagonist in the play. Shakespeare was a Literary Genius; I never comprehended this until I read Hamlet. I did Julius Caeasar last year but that pales in comparison (I hated it btw) to Hamlet. Ooh I love this play; if only I had Mr. Colin as my teacher this year as well, there would have been such wonder =D

Oh I just remembered what my mum was telling me that my dad did day before yesterday (thursday) when he went to buy firecrackers from a nearby store. Okay, before I recite what happened, one piece of info that is necessary for anything that follows this to make sense: My dad doesn't know an ounce of hindi except for "Karo" - which means do - and "Ja" - which means go. It's really funny when he tries to talk in hindi and gets confused with tamil and english and then makes a sentence in all three [for instance: We'll get into the vundi and school karo, which translates in my dad's language as We'll get into the car and go to school. haha!].

Ok anyway so apparently he goes to this shop and he's second in line after this other customer. So the guy behind the counter gives him a list of all the firecrackers available in the shop and asks him to select what he wanted by ticking against the item(s). My dad was perfectly fine with this and whipped out a pen, ready to use some ink(!), until he realized that the list of items was entirely in HINDI. haha! Even the numbers were in hindi -- every single written figure on the list was in hindi and, as a result, my dad was completely lost. He tried telling the guy behind the counter that he did not understand hindi, but either the guy didn't understand or wasn't listening, my dad couldn't manage to get his point across to him.

So....my dad randomly ticked stuff! He said he ticked every other item!!! haha. damn funny. and then he gave the list to the guy behind the counter (there were like 30 items and my dad had ticked around 10 or so when he had gone there to buy just 5). Then my dad cleverly waited for the guy to start bringing the stuff to the counter and then rejected whatever he didn't want after seeing whatever he had ticked. Also, he randomly pointed apparently. My brother found it hilarious (my brother had gone with him to the shop). HAHA! damn funny.

Sometimes, it is instances like these that make me realize that my family is a fun, happening bunch of people. Seriously. I mean, I was starting to think my dad was a grim, unyielding workaholic due to our several arguments concerning university and dual degrees during my last visit to bombay (dusherra break). And then he goes and does this and it's just so funny -- I was in splits. All of my family members have such colourful personalities it's quite difficult to feel bored when I'm around them. Unless, of course, if I'm in a I'll-be-bored-no-matter-what-you-do mood or if I'm with one of them when they're in a I'm-going-to-be-boring-now mood. But otherwise they're just so fun.

This fact is precisely what is keeping me sane here in Bombay. I am so bored here because I have like no accessible friends -- just one, and she's like half an hour away if I'm lucky and there's no traffic. Plus, Bombay is her home-town and she's got a social network here. I don't. So most of the time, I'm just stuck in the house, staring at the computer screen, my eyes all glazed and my head hurting from constant exposure to the screen. My idea of fun?? I don't think so. It's almost enough to make me wish I'm back in Bangalore. Almost, but not quite. I'd rather spend 10 years cooped up inside this Bombay house than go back to my school in Bangalore when I don't need to.

Complex emotions, Check. All of them negative, Check. Shit. That kind of sucks.

Blearghhhh.

deadlines

2006-08-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

I'm not so much in the mood for expounding on political theories and anti-bush thoughts that are running through my head right now. Right now, I'm more of a highly confused teenager, who knows nothing about what she wants to do for the rest of her life and who never wants to go back to bangalore because so many nice, interesting and viable options are open for her right where she is, in Mumbai.

Why am i talking about myself in third person?? haha...just realized.

Anyway, 3 more days for the return-to-bangalore-for-the-most-hectic-academic-year-of-my-life episode to start. Unfortunately, even while i know in my head that this year is going to be crucial and what i do in the upcoming year might very well shape the rest of my life, this hasn't properly struck me yet. I don't know why it hasn't, seeing as I already know it and have come to terms with it (i think - when i really really comes to terms with this fact, i have a feeling im not going to be as calm as i am now). I don't even want to leave Mumbai, coz this summer vacation was the only thing seperating my 11th year from my 12th year, and the end of this vacation symbolises everything i have been working for my whole life.

I am going to be in university in a year's time, and what I do in the upcoming year will play a crucial role in deciding whether I'm a school-dropout or a person worthy of accomplishing all the (unbeliveably and unrealistically) high-level goals my parents have set for me.

I also don't want to leave Mumbai because...well, because, leaving Mumbai will result in my detachment from a large number of things (and people) who give me joy and give me some reasons for living. I had forgotten what boarding was like, and I suspect that the next couple of weeks, during which I am going to be reacquanting myself with boarding life, aren't going to be very pleasant. That is, to say the least. =[

Egad. I'm sad. Again. Will call someone up now so I can cheer up before I go to bed. I need to sleep and to sleep I need to be happy and to be happy i have to start to stop obsessing.

Trouble, strife and all things (NOT) nice.

2006-08-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

I was just reading up about the Israel vs Hezbollah (plus Iran, Tehran and every other –ran) – and yes I know that in some places it is spelt Hezballah/Hizbollah/Hizbollah. But in Newsweek its spelt Hezbollah. Anyway, so I was catching up on all the news online today coz the local paper doesn’t cover much ground on this issue as it is too busy talking about the (multitude of) problems in India itself to care much about overseas problems. Unless, of course, they are very major. [btw, if I hurt the sentiments of any random Indian person who just happens to come across my blog on the www, I should have been more specific – I meant the newspaper which used to come to my house, I think it’s the Times of India, until my mother decided economic times is much better and started subscribing only to that. That was a couple of days ago.] So compounded with the fact that my internet hasn’t been working for the last 2 days or sth, this meant that I couldn’t access news at all, except through my dad coz he goes to work and they have internet there – DUH. Ok I realize I have rambled.

Yeah. So I was reading and it struck me that if the US of A, lead by that oh-so-great George W. Bush, hadn’t taken to violently invading Iraq a couple of years ago, or if it starts to stop blindly supporting Israel, we wouldn’t be having such an escalated problem. Talking about USA’s invasion of Iraq, it was completely uncalled for. [I know everyone knows this, but since I think it’s a pertinent perpetrator of the current problem in Israel/Iran, I have to include this as well.]

The UN didn’t even sanction this action by USA, and George Bush, conveniently decided that he was correct in his stand, even though practically no other member country of the UN Security Council sided with him, and went ahead with the invasion. The fact that he is the president of the country which provides the largest percentage of the UN’s funds and that without this substantial amount of funds provided by USA, the UN would not be even half as effective as it is now (its not exactly THAT effective now even), was not lost on the world as well as Bush himself. So, he calmly, coolly and confidently went on to invade Iraq.

And when he did so, apart from all the other more obvious adverse effects that we hear about – such as terrible behaviour on the part of the US troops in Iraq, and governmental crisis in Iraq etc. – there was another negative effect. Or so I believe. USA unwittingly showed other countries that violence is an option for the settlement of an international disagreement. The world saw that the USA violated Iraq ruthlessly, killing thousands of innocent civilians (notice I am not even mentioning Saddaam Hussein – his capture was like one small benefit that resulted from this war) and got away with it completely scot-free. Of course, now the USA is realizing, or they have already realized, that maybe, taking over a whole other country which is so different in ideology from their own country, is no mean-feat. They now know not to, so easily, do the same thing all over again with another country because they have realized that if they do so, the whole aftermath, along with any unforeseen circumstances (guerilla warfare etc.) have to be handled by them. And that no other country, maybe with the exception of UK (due to that monkey, Tony Blair) in the case of USA, is going to help them. Or have anything to do with them.

USA basically sanctioned this method of settling international, cross-border disagreements – they have showed the whole world that violence is something that a country can commit against another country, and get away with it. And in my opinion, that is exactly why Israel has done this. It has shamelessly taken advantage of its relationship (watch Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 please – though I only watched a bit of it. Actually don’t watch it. Its rather confusing. It implies that USA has secret ties with both Arab countries and Israel. Ok I don’t remember exactly, so if I have got this point wrong, please tell me someone) with USA and of the mysterious power it has over Bush’s administration.

I am not saying that Hizbollah and Iran (maybe more Tehran actually) is not at fault. They started this whole thing. But this issue has been resolved before without any bloodshed (read Newsweek July 31st issue) and prisoners and dead bodies have exchanged hands (between Israel and Iran). So Israel, being the obviously superior country with more firepower and backup in terms of armed personnel as well as international support (from USA!!!!!!!!!), should have looked at this issue more rationally and tried to come to a peaceful resolution. I mean, its ok if they had shed some blood, but this much!

As of today, the death toll, according to http://www.cnn.com/ stands at 1000 people altogether, and the VAST majority of those dead people come from Iran, not Israel. Israel, as well as USA and the rest of the world, know that they are going to win this war. They know this. And yet they continue to – dare I say – invade Iran and kill innocent civilians, who when polled by Newsweek reporters, say that they want no part in this war and that they are more concerned with internal problems and issues.

How can USA stand by and watch this?? They are even supplying extra ammunition to Israel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!! What we need now is not violence but peaceful coexistence!!!!!! I mean there’s no getting around geography you know, if you’re situated in a place, you’re situated in a place. You can’t just change your neighbours!! If Israel is next to iran now, those two countries have to learn to coexist, or all the people who live there will become nothing more than refugees, and will have impoverished lives [i dont even want to start talking about the economic and social problems right now, coz that is a WHOLE other issue].

In fact, that area will become another Africa, and we all know the MULTIDUDE of problems Africa is going through right now. And we know who’s going to be more affected by the violence don’t we? The evidence is there, staring right at us, IRAN. OK Israel civilians are dying and North Israel is getting bombed, and Hizbollah is fighting back, yes I know that Iran is not completely rid of fault. Part of the blame does lie with them. But Israel, being the superior country here, should stop this incessant violence!

I’m just happy that the UN is doing SOMETHING, and its doing that something fast. Apparently a new resolution has been passed and Israel and Iran have signed a peace treaty, but I can’t get exact details on that now coz the internet connection here (I’m in my friend’s place) is screwed up. Oh and I also heard that Israel is still (STILL!??!?!?!) invading Iran and moving their ground troops further in. [I so have to check on these two things once I get access.]

It all comes down to USA really. USA and that screwed up administration. Oh and the screwed up population which keeps voting in popularity polls FOR Bush, instead of against him. Clinton was so diplomatic in comparison. Bush is all gung-ho and violence and Clinton always took care not to ruffle too many feathers – politically at least. I am NOT talking about his personal life. Just because he cheated on his wife [I AM NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS OK], doesn’t mean that he was a bad President. I mean, whenever mentions Clinton nowadays, the first thing [don’t deny this] that comes to people’s minds is that issue with Monica Lewinsky. I can’t recall the actual details of what exactly happened on account of being like in primary school or sth. Yeah. But seriously, take it from me, if I am saying that Clinton is better, I REALLY think Bush sucks as Mr. President.

Oh well. These are just my views anyway. Please, please do feel free to comment on anything that I’ve written – if I’ve made a mistake, please comment as well. And if you want to write something longer than what you can type on the tagboard, you can click the tab which says “Comments,” that is situated below this post. I’d really appreciate if someone goes for or against (YES! I want to argue!!!) my view or if someone has anything, generally, to say about this issue. =D [I don't even care if you don't put your name and instead just type a comment with your name as 'anonymous.' SEE! i am so nice!!]

omG! I just realized that this is my first post after coming to India that does not deal with my depression or my incessant complaints about the negative qualities that India, unfortunately, possesses. Oh well. I guess its coz I don’t really want to blog about MUN. My committee sucks. Thank god for delegates like my co-delegate. They do all the work and the rest of us just sit around and make noise. And some of us just make random comments sometimes. But apart from that, we just goof around. And I yawn. And think desperately of going home. Yes. ECOSOC is BORING unless you know what you’re doing, like my co-delegate who I mentioned earlier. He is so involved! Does everything, signs everything, writes everything, discusses everything, comments on everything, waves his placard for everything etc. you get my drift. So proactive. And all I do is yawn.

I think I’m more cut out for debate than I am for MUN. At least for debate, you have a proper topic, and all the speakers are decent, and there’s discipline amongst the general public, as well as the speakers. And they have better topics. In fact, the topics I have for this MUN are pretty debatable in a proper debate – one is on African gender inequality and the other is on Improving the conditions of a country stricken with natural disaster by way of improving their resistance (eg. Early warning system, infrastructure etc.) and by providing both short-term and long-term (effective) aid to these countries.

You know, I actually kind of miss debate. Crap. Oh well.

P.S. Sok, I WILL (and I have done some already) do my homework ok! Stop broadcasting that I haven’t done it on the www man! Someone could read it (LIKE MY TEACHER!!!!).

Ok I have to go now coz my eyes are tired. *eyes droop shut*

amazon

2006-08-06T22:07:00.000+08:00

I just realized something whilst pursuing that oh-so riveting activity – experiencing skull-numbing boredom – today. If you replace the 1st letter of the word ‘amazon’ with the letter ‘i,’ you get: Imazon. Which, when separated into its constituent syllables becomes: Im a zon.

Now if only ‘zon’ was a word. Unfortunately, as Microsoft word is telling me right this minute (through its zig-zag red line) that it is not a word. Krap. Why couldn’t it have been amaton…or amason??? Then my theory would’ve actually made sense.

Omg. See what I’ve been reduced to. Sitting around in some apartment somewhere in Mumbai suffering from anguishing bouts of…boredom. Egad. I used to have such good things to do with my time. Like actually having something to blog about. Now all I blog about is how crazy India is. And some crap about waxing.

This is such a GOOD way to spend my vacations don’t you think??? *SENSE THE SARCASM*

On a brighter note, my mum found oreos! In some supermarket, which isn’t so near our house. And NUTELLA! Finally. I can eat a proper breakfast – reminiscent of the breakfasts I enjoyed in Singapore. The whole point of these holidays was to pig out and eat whatever I don’t get in school!!!!!! And im eating INDIAN FOOD!!! Hello!! My school is in INDIA and they ONLY serve INDIAN FOOD. If I had wanted to continue eating Indian food I would’ve STAYED IN SCHOOL. Argh.

I am so depressed right now. Very. Very. Depressed. Here’s the list:
1) School in 2 weeks. I am so screwed coz I haven’t finished my homework and I am going to do so badly for my exams its going to be a record. Coz all the people in my grade are BIG FAT NERDS. Oh. Except the people I hang out with of course. =D we are cool.

2) Homework. My homework is in an alarming state of disrepair. I am going to die for these next two weeks coz I have MUN to prepare for too. And my partner is very disinterested in helping me do research!!! Grr. At least im in ECOSOC and not security council or sth as equally nauseating as that. And at least the topics are nice – gender equality in Africa, and natural disaster control/warning systems.

3) It’s raining. It has been raining NON-STOP for the last FOUR days. And my mood depends a lot on the weather. Unfortunately. And its like dark all day. So its never sunny no more. =[ too bad the idea of clubbing or shopping nauseates me as both of those activities are indoor and, thus, can be enjoyed during this dreary weather.

4) I miss my friends. And I miss Singapore sooo soo very much. My friend, afsheen, came back from Singapore today – she lives in Mumbai. And she was telling me that she’d been to orchard road and PS!!!! Omg. PS was amazing, is amazing and will always be amazing because of all the time I have spent there and all the memories of those times that I will always remember and cherish =D. and she went to sentosa, and saw Indonesia from the cable car, apparently. Is that possible?? I didn’t know! Weird. I thought Indonesia was further away than Malaysia?? Ok my geography is in a state of disrepair. I am so bad at it its shocking! I thought India was in the shape of a triangle!! And I didn’t know Bangalore was in Karnataka!! Haha. I know this mustn’t seem very shocking, but it is shocking to other people in India, especially if you are Indian and you are studying in India. Yeah. So basically, I really really miss people. =[ My attachment to Singapore, though, is quite surprising. I always thought that Singapore was boring, and I was always quite against living there after school. And now I am missing it!! Weird.

5) There are rumours of another terrorist attack. It’s apparently scheduled for Independence Day which is on the 15th of August. For the first time in my life, I am situated in a country which is facing a terrorist threat. Singapore has faced one before recently, but it was suppressed before it even began. Unfortunately, that is impossible here because of the dismal lack of infrastructure, the dismal state of the national police force, the dismal state of affairs within the government, the dismal congestion that Mumbai is currently facing and the dismal lack of knowledge about anything to do with the suspected terrorist group which was behind the bomb blasts here in early july 2006.

And if this isn’t enough, my dad is sulking. Add that to the list – when my dad sulks, there is no getting him to talk to you until something MAJOR happens. Major as in someone gets hurt, someone does well in school…basically a MIRACLE has to happen before my dad stops sulking. He holds grudges like no tomorrow. And he always thinks that he’s right. Kind of like me I suppose. Though, it should be the other way around – I, of course, get that trait from him. So, that mood is kind of pervading the house right now. And it is not helping me lift the dark clouds that are hanging over my head right now.

Bleargh. That one word sums up my feelings right now. I should’ve just blogged only that and skipped the whole thing where I ranted about the reasons. But its strangely satisfying to blog. I really don’t know why. I suppose what my mum says is true – people blog to satisfy their own ego. By blogging, people secretly hope that tons of people will read what they’ve written and either commend or agree with them. When someone you don’t really know, or someone you respect, or anyone actually, agrees with you, you feel good. And that is, according to my mother, why people blog.

I know its rather disconcerting. I mean, my first reaction to that was: I am not an attention-seeker! How dare you say that!! I don’t have an ego ok! I am not a walking bundle of testosterone! But you know, on second thought, what she said was totally true.

If being a mum means spouting these words of wisdom, that affect people greatly, and actually making sense and being correct about something deep and insightful for a change, I want to be one!!!! Not now of course. haha. I want to be reeking of wisdom already!

Ok now I have to go. Must eat dinner. Which is – surprise, surprise – INDIAN FOOD.

Ackkkkkkkkkkk.

ouch!

2006-07-31T19:15:00.000+08:00

Today, I subjected myself to what is the bane of all women.

Waxing.

It was terribly horrible! It was painful and ghastly. And women shouldn’t have to do it – I mean, why bother, when its not what’s outside that matters, but what’s inside??

Yes well. Its good to be idealistic and all. But the fact of the matter is – even people who say that they don’t care, have never cared and will never care, in fact, care the most. And I know its all nice and idealistic to say: oh I don’t care if I am hairy, but I will never subject myself and my poor skin to ruthless hot wax which strips away (along with all that hair) my moral values - on how the amount of hair on a woman’s skin should not matter to anyone and how it shouldn’t matter if a woman has hair on her legs/underarms/face etc. coz it doesn’t matter for men. Its nice to say that, nice and attention-grabbing, coz when you tell people this, they get impressed and they might tell other people coz not many people broadcast such radical views on this issue.

But the bottom line is…even though I would like to think like that, I just can’t. My hair (or the lack of it) does matter to me. And though I keep trying to tell myself that it doesn’t matter and it isn’t worth subjecting myself to such pain, it does matter to me. Unfortunately. This is what I get for watching all these shows on tv where hot, sexy women with Great bods prance about almost naked on the screen and reading articles in magazines with huge glossy pictures of the same subjects. Not that I avidly watch these kind of shows – they have kind of pervaded the world of entertainment so thoroughly, that instead of the consumer (by this, I mean a guy who is sexually frustrated) chasing after these shows, the shows leap out at the consumers. From all over the place.

I have to admit this though - the feel of your skin after you wax and put cream is just great. Another unfortunate piece of information that I would rather not be privy to.

In other news, my dad discovered today that what he thought was a bottle of shampoo, was in fact a bottle of conditioner – and he had been using that bottle, thinking it was shampoo, for 2 weeks. So he went and bought a bottle of shampoo plus conditioner. Haha! It was damn funny! I love educating my dad and my mum.

Actually I love educating anyone. Coz it makes me feel superior. Not to say that I’m not already. =D

There is something seriously wrong with blogspot and it is pissing me off. I cant type on the website itself coz the font colour is white and I cant change it. I have to resort to Microsoft word and then copy paste it into blogger. Gah.

Why do people say Mozilla is better than IE?
Ok I gotta scoot now. Play-with-brother time.

imsopretty!

2006-07-27T17:53:00.000+08:00

I am so pretty, and witty and gaaaaaaaay!

Guess why!

Coz….*drum roll*

I WATCHED POTC TWOOOOOOO!!! It was AWESOME. And it exceeded my expectations. And Johnny depp has a new HARDCORE fan!!! Coz he’s so HOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg. And I will not let the fact that he has kissed practically every hot girl in Hollywood and the fact that his wife is very hot, deter me in my obsession of him.

=D Basically, it was brill. And my brother helped! Surprisingly. He was sitting next to me. And during all the scary parts (there were none…I meant the parts where some evil/foul creature jumps unexpectedly into the screen accompanied by a loud sound), my brother and I yelled and shrieked and screamed. Until the guy sitting on my other side, this (quite cute) guy wearing formal clothes, perceptibly edged away. Ah well. But it was fun!!!! And then after that we ate NAAN in the foodcourt at inorbit. i love naan. =D

You know, the theatres here have air-con! Hahaa…ok kidding. Its not like for 1 minute I expected the theatres in Inorbit Mall to not have AC. I mean c’mon. People from out of town have heard of this mall. SHAH RUKH KHAN filmed in this mall recently. This mall has like posh shops and EVERYTHING. In fact, if you don’t go into the toilets (which are surprisingly quite clean. But still not up to Singapore standards), once you enter the mall, it reminds you of a mall in Singapore. Seriously. It's pretty surprising. I am forced to admit this. Because I pride myself in being truthful about the things that I say bad things about.

I am a very moral person.

Oh who am I kidding??? Just because I watched JOHNNY DEPP IN ACTION, doesn’t mean I’m more acclimatized to the environment here (though it did help to a certain extent)! Just because ONE MALL - which is the size of a microscopic cell, compared to the size of Bombay, is air-conditioned and posh, and which has a bookshop with all these cool books – is all trendy and sells nothing for less than a thousand rupees (the lower limit is something higher, probably)…just because there’s this mall near my house, doesn’t mean India’s problems are solved!

Mumbai is supposed to be the financial CAPITAL of India, which is a fast-developing nation, with one of the world’s HIGHEST GDP rates. There are THOUSANDS of talented young minds here, just waiting to be discovered. Indian companies are bringing in TONS of money every year and, as a result, the economy is rising steeply. And everyone is saying that India is going to be the next big thing. Yet, there are THOUSANDS of illiterate, starving, diseased people here. WHY?? Because the people in the government are too busy lining their pockets (with something made of paper and which looks like – I dunno? Maybe money?!?!??!) to care about some guy on some mud-path in some village in some part of India who is dying of poverty and all the other bad conditions that come with it (think package deal).

So, if you think about it, all the money that India earns, every year – the money that Indians rake in, by the penny, is contributing towards the fattening up of some local politician. Who couldn’t care less about india’s future, who is only concerned with his stomach (and maybe his bowels too) and who is probably as illiterate as the guy on the mud-path in the village someplace who is dying of poverty. Of course, the money doesn’t go directly – that’s the beauty of taxes isn’t it?

In India, taxes don’t go into improving the living standards of the people like in all other countries (ok maybe not all, but in developed countries at least). They serve mainly to hide the corruption (that is very evident!) of the Indian government. They tax everything so that they can earn money, so that they can live in larger houses, with, maybe, a swimming pool (when people are suffering to obtain water and when, especially in places like Chennai, water shortages hit the city every other day) and 5 cars (when the pollution is horribly rampant all over India, except in the undeveloped places, which in the near future, are going to be developed and polluted too).

I suppose you can say, like my parents always do in heated defence of India’s political system, whenever I start my treatise on how corrupted it is, that India does have one of the most democratic system in the world – you can go as far to say that in many ways, India has the ONLY truly democratic political system in the world. Which is good.

In theory.

But, in real life, people here are not educated enough to realize this – the fact that since this is true of the system here, THEY, and not the political party ruling the government, have the actual power. They can make changes to the nation. They can help transform this nation into something much much better than what China is becoming (in my opinion, China is becoming another Singapore, albeit with a much larger economy, and a larger reservoir of resources). They can do so much – yet they know so little. Their illiteracy is what is holding back this nation. Their willingness to vote for some undeserving party, as long as they get a few bucks, is what is preventing India from achieving her true potential.

And this is the truth. According to me. Unfortunately, as my mum says, I’m too idealistic.

Time to sink back down to earth and do some SAT prep. I’m way behind, especially since I have to do THREE SAT SUBJECT TESTS to get admission into NUS. I swear, if I wasn’t Singaporean, I would SO not apply to NUS (which is ONLY my back-up). Its so narrow-minded. HOW CAN ADMISSION ONLY BE BASED ON ACADEMICS?? That is so not fair. I am as good as any other tom, dick or harry who has gone through the Singapore education system. Stop saying that I’m not. And don’t deny that you’re saying that coz the evidence is staring right in my face.

Ok now im pissed off. Weird how my moods fluctuate. Ok then. Off to do some SAT prep.

JOY.

Missuniverse

2006-07-24T13:09:00.000+08:00

I know that it’s a debasing contest that is held every year for the sole purpose of deciding who looks best on the outside, and does not focus on anything remotely to do with the inner beauty. I know it. It runs through my head, especially every year at around this time…when I sit down and watch it. I can understand why guys want to watch this show – I mean which guy wouldn’t right. They watch it for the same reason they watch Baywatch – hello. Nobody watches Baywatch for its awesome plot, no matter what Mia (from Princess Diaries) says about how intellectually stimulating this program is. But why do girls watch???

I mean, take, for example, me, who believes firmly that girls should not constantly strive to enhance their outer beauty, at least not without ensuring that their inner beauty is achieved to its fullest potential. I believe that, and I do believe that I believe that. I really really do. Then WHY am I unable to resist the lure of the television remote every year around this time when miss universe airs on tv? WHY?? I feel so guilty. It’s like I’m violating my code of ethics. But I really cannot resist.

Pooey.

Anyway, all I can say after that rant is: I missed watching the show live on tv this morning (hello. It was at 6.30 am…I mean who wakes up at 6.30 in the morning during holidays man!) so I am going to catch the repeat on star world at 8 pm today. I know its degrading and debasing to women – but I have to watch it. I just have to! So stop attacking me, you inner-demons!

Anyway, the weather in Mumbai is twisted. Seriously. I mean one day, actually for 2 straight days, it was raining the WHOLE day. I kid you not – the whole day. When I woke up it was raining, when I ate breakfast it was raining, when I took a bath it was raining, when I ate lunch it was raining…you get the picture. It never let up, the whole day. I know, this may seem unbelievable but its true – my mum says that that usually happens for a whole week, but this year it only happened for TWO days (another prime evidence of global warming. Soon the monsoon season will be shortened to 1 minute or something. Only then will the government in India realize that they have to ban diesel and promote the sale of petrol as a fuel to run motor vehicles, in order to cut down the amount of pollution. They also need to realize that factories generate huge amounts of smoke and other harmful gases such as greenhouse gases, and that they have to do their utmost best to prevent this by installing air cleansers in all the chimneys and by building MUCH taller chimneys.)

Yeah. So where was I – the rain. Yeah so I woke up today and – ta dah! – no rain! Its so freaking sunny today though. Its not like the weather is appealing or anything, but it’s an improvement from perpetually rainy weather. When it rains, the whole world seems gloomy, and you can never be truly happy or energetic. But when its sunny, as long as its not humid, its all cheerful again! As long as you stay indoors that is. Coz once you go out, it will seem that you had never bathed. You sweat like hell here man! I think its coz of the dust from all that rampant pollution.

The list of things that the government should be doing here can run for up to a 100 pages on Microsoft word. Seriously. Someday, when I have more time, I will write up that list – I know that even in the future, the state of affairs in India is going to be the same and the fastest way to explain why is: you can’t teach an old dog new tricks [think: the Indian Government = the dog and Tricks = all the new reforms that the government should be focusing on]

Okay. Now I have to go do university research. I don’t really want to go to NUS – I mean I do on one hand, but since I want to do a dual degree with Engineering and Political Science, I don’t think NUS is good for me. I mean, everyone knows its crap for anything in the Arts. Of course, I don’t mean the students are crap – some of them are really good and worthy of better universities – I meant the faculty. So I’m also going to be looking at US universities. I hope I get into somewhere good. Or you know, it would be much easier to make the decision if god turned back the clock for about 15 years, and let me re-live my life (with the exact same exam papers) all over again. Then, maybe it would be an easier choice to make.

University Websites are weirdly confusing. You would think they would make everything as clear as possible so that prospective students get attracted and not detracted. But no. They don’t. After looking at a university website, I have NOTHING but questions in my head. And they drive me CRAZY! I have this thing where I have to clear questions then and there if I want any peace of mind. I cant even sleep sometimes! And then I get pissed with the university – but I have no choice coz it’s a good one!

Or maybe I just think too much. I’m sure the average student wouldn’t mind the questions or rather, wouldn’t even have any questions. OK I admit – im just a weird alien android.

Ok gotta scoot.

solitaire

2006-07-19T17:12:00.000+08:00

i just played another game of solitaire.

and LOST.

i have not won ONE game of solitaire since coming to bombay. what does that say about my future here???? not good. plus its raining. seems im suited to my colour choices...depressed and gay it is. >.<

i would blog more but since i cant even see my own blog i shall refrain. if i create a masterpiece, i want to be enabled to place my orbiting balls (eyeballs) on it.

yes so. im hungry! i want chinese noodles! i think PMS is taking ahold of me 1 week too late.

quiztime!

2006-07-17T00:33:00.000+08:00

so much has happened in the past week that i really really have no idea where to begin. should i start with the move? or maybe start complaining about how much work i have to do for the next 4 weeks because of my lazy negligent behaviour for the first 4 weeks of my holidays? or just maybe, start pondering about how life is unfair? or of course, i could just start bemoaning the fact that i missed watching POTC (with my lovely johnny depp acting in it!!!!) by one day! and that it might not even come out in this ulu nation! *wtf*

i really dunno. right now, im kind of tired and i cant think. so instead of letting my mind do the thinking on its own, i shall complete a quiz! just for the heck of it. and also coz im really tired. ok i think i said that. ok one more thing to talk about: how my mind is playing tricks on me! oh joy.

ok before i start depressing whoever reads this blog for sustenance (i highly doubt that anyone would stoop to that >.< coz what i talk about is mostly rubbish. really. i really think so. it really is rubbish.) i shall proceed to do the quiz!

I'VE BEEN TAGGED! Once you've been tagged, you have to write a blog with 5 weird facts/things/habits about yourself, saying who tagged you. In the end you need to choose the 5 people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs.

SHERIN TAGGED ME. crazy biatch. but u gave me something to do when my mind is frettered and over-burdened with a multitude of worries. thus, i forgive you. *angel choir!*

1. I am extremely paranoid. I like to think about all the bad stuff that can happen in any situation and dwell upon these paranoia-inducing thoughts.

2. I get depressed very easily. Very Easily. Probably due to number 1.

3. I keep all my feelings and emotions to myself. I never confide in anyone. Not easily anyway. If and when i do, it will probably be about old news. really old news which isnt exactly important anymore.

4. I am very pessimistic. I am not an optimist. Usually. If you think that I am an optimist, put up your hand. Then I can laugh at how silly you look when you do.

5. I get really crazy and whacked-out sometimes. its scary. but its really fun. and i get these adrenaline rushes and it feels great! coz i have so much fun! and i think (and hope) that whoever im talking to is having as much fun! =P

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Do the following without complaining.
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you've completed yours.
3. Leave a tag on the person's tagboard to say that he/she has been tagged.
4. Start your post with "I have been tagged!" then do this.

FAVOURITES:
color: Purple (right now anyway)

food: italian! anything but indian! PLEASE. ANYTHING....*trails off and chokes*

song: (right now) hanging by a moment by lifehouse

movie: (right now) POTC 1 and 2 (even though i havent watched 2, i know it will be delightfully entertaining as it has johnny depp in it =]). of course, there's always LOTR 1,2 and 3 as well as X-men 1,2 and 3 plus any srk movies. =P and lagaan. of course.

sport: tennis and soccer. i can only play badminton properly though. but dont really like watching badminton on tv. weird.

day of the week: Friday. coz friday means that 2 non-school days are coming!!!!!! this is, of course, only applicable when school is on.

season: Spring =] i like cheerful weather. but singapore is a bit too cheerful. or should i say, hot.

ice-cream: cookies and cream. beats any other flavour hands down.

CURRENT:
mood: depressed. tired. pissed at certain people. pissed at myself. overloaded with work. basically rather depressed.

taste: ITALIAN FOOD. NOWWWWW.

clothes: NCC specialists' t-shirt and comfy grey shorts. plus underwear of course.

desktop: the pic of me, avanti, shilpa, preeti and nial on the day of talent night in TISB. *broad grin*

time: 11.09 pm (Bombay Time)

surroundings: im in the living room of the company guesthouse and sitting on one of the dining table chairs which my brother broke (!!) like 2 days ago...haha. im too lazy to move right now. if i move i might just go to the bedroom and then my post will never be finished. and then all the people who read my blog for sustenance (yeah right) will be dealt with fatal blows!

annoyance: many things actually. none of which i wish to discuss here.

thoughts: im bored with this quiz already. somebody gimme italian food!!!!! and sleeeeeeeeeeeep. also wondering what im gonna do tmr..

FIRSTS:
best friend: mimi and cardejah! in primary 1 and 2. and then mimi went off somewhere (cant remember) and cardejah became really malay. so we didnt exactly get along. >.< [i am not racist against malays or anything.]

crush: arjun srihari! from my primary school. woots! this is hilarious. and get this, now i look at his pic on hi5 and he's not even hot! what the eff was i thinking?!?!?!

movie: Baasha! or somethingl tamil coz i used to live in madras, india. i think its baasha coz ive developed love and affectionate feelings for that movie =P but not so much that its going on my favourite movies list coz dont think i havent spotted all the holes in the plot. if there was a hot guy to make up for them then its ok. but there isnt.

lie: dunno man. i mean seriously. who remembers their first LIE. i remember things worth remembering. haha...ive lied too much to remember the first time man!

music: some song on Baasha?? i dunno this one.

LASTS:
cigarette: marlboro! ok kidding. i dont smoke. yechh.

drink: water! im a very healthy person, starting yesterday!

ride: In company car from the company guesthouse (where im staying) to infinte mall in andheri, bombay to buy floaters for my siblings. oh..i forgot. the last ride should be the one back home of course.

crush: ermm...im disinclined to acquiese an answer to this question. [yay! ive always wanted to use that phrase from POTC 1!!!!!]

movie: Mistress of Spices. BAD MOVIE. DO NOT WATCH. all she does is look at chillies, shake her head and look worried. and then goes and has sex with the [HOTT] guy...he is so hott. seriously. so rugged and manly looking =P forgot his name. something mcdermott.

phone call: Afsheen Mehboob Merchant. She is gonna KILL me if she reads this coz she doesnt like me to include her middle name in her name >.< why???? i dont understand. haha...=P

CD: can this include DVDs and VCDs? coz i dont remember the last music CD i bought. so the last DVD/VCD i bought was...Parineeta. Awesome movie.

HAVE YOU EVER:
dated one of your best friends: yes (GUY obviously). maybe not Best. but very good definitely.

been arrested: no!! even though there is that appeal to be a bad person sometimes! haha!

skinny-dipped: NO. i never want to thanks. unless its in the bathtub in my house.

been on tv: YES. omg! all the times ive been on tv were EMBARRASING! the first time was during National Day Parade when i stumbled while running into formation >.< and also when i was overdressed and when i had all this weird make-up on. which didnt exactly look glam. =[ and then the 2nd time i was on tv was during this tamil debate when i was listening to music on an ipod! u could so see the earphones!!!!! EMBARRASING! thank god no one i know watches this kind of nonsense shows on tv. so i was safe from public ridicule and humiliation.

kissed someone you don't know: on the cheek? yes. on the lips?!?!? NOOOO. i am an extreme virgin in that department...

THINGS:
4 things you did today: ermm talked on phone!! finally!! with shilpa and afsheen. and i ate. alot of food. coz i am a pig. and i went shopping - got my SAT 2 chemistry book. shitt i have to get to work. thank god this quiz is ending. oh ermm and i watched friends on tv - thankfully at least friends is in english. i swear every other show is in hindi man! that is so racist! and every other -ist you can think of! how can the local television not appeal to foreigners when the influx percentage of foreigners into bombay is one of the highest in the world?? and also when bombay's economy depends largely on NGOs and foreign companies?? ok maybe not largely but a large portion which is disproportionate to the foreign population in bombay anyway.

4 sounds you can hear right now: fans whirring above my head. 2 fans coz the atmosphere in bombay is really sultry. oh ok fine. 1 fan is running coz im too lazy to go over and switch it off. and the sound of typing. and the sound of car horns. everyone on the road in a vehicle horns here. everyone. even if they're like, not in the midst of traffic. they just hear someone else honking and they join in for fun or something. so its mostly cacophonous on the roads here.

the Chosen Five to do this!: dunno. up to whoever wants to do it man. im really cool with it. but if u do do the quiz, please tag! so i know that i can come and read it =P

ok now i have to go. must go to sleeeeep. if i want to wake up tmr and (hopefully) talk to people on the phone! my mum never leaves the house. arghhhh.

ok going to suck my fingers then! g'night.

entertainment?

2006-07-09T11:44:00.000+08:00

my brother is currently 'entertaining' me and my sis with his 'spectacular' fifa world cup kicks. what he actually does is, put a tennis ball down in front of him, yell "FIFA WORLD CUP" in this crazed fanatical voice and swivel around the ball, fall down and kick it towards the wall. yes. this is what he and my sis have to do for entertainment and im stuck in the middle of it all, when the ball occasionally hits me/my laptop/the mouse/my tissue box etc. they have this annoying habit of kicking it straight at me and when it almost hits or does hit me they say "Oops!" as if they didnt mean it.

im not in a very good mood currently. thinking about wednesday is just getting me down. i dont want to think about it. but whenever i think about anything happy, like going out with friends, or some joke about something, or going someplace, or even buying food, i think about wednesday. about what wednesday signifies - the close of the chapter of my life in singapore. the start of my life in bombay. yeah, im still going to be a citizen. but hello? its not the same thing. i have never cultivated a strong bond with Singapore. I've never felt a part of it like some of my friends have. I've never stood up for it or anything. In fact, i think if it weren't for my family's move to India I would have never felt anything remotely patriotic in nature for Singapore. It's kind of ironic, that the one thing that will take me further away from my home for the past 14 years is what has induced these feelings (of considering Singapore as my home) in me.

ironic and irritating.

oh the ball hit my glass of water. it spilt all over my pillow. have to go change my pillow. (the one im sitting on coz if i dont sit on a pillow my butt will hurt like Hell)

ok I'm back.

yesterday i went for an njc band concert with sok. it was fun =P and we came to this conclusion (as proof of the fact that we have intelligent conversations as opposed to the views of those people who think we talk crap): Women should drive men to drive them around. This is so true if you think about it. This way, women get to be the boss in any relationship. If they get to make their respective other drive them around aka do their bidding, first of all, its an ego booster. And second of all, the relatinoship will flourish! Coz when a woman is in control, only good things can happen. Just ask any woman.

yeah so we had loads of fun just talking rot. Sok: you are the only close chinese friend I have, and probably the only chinese friend i keep in touch with after moving to India, and I'm extremely sad that I won't see you for a year at least. [I dunno whether I'm going to be coming back to study in NUS (anything can happen) but if I do, it will be with mixed feelings coz I really want to study in the US of A and make it big like I know my parents want me to.] We HAVE to keep in touch. I'm so sorry I'm going to be missing your birthday and I really hope you can make it to the airport on wednesday. This feels like I'm writing my will or something, like some part of me is dying. Which is true - the Singapore part of me is. If I dont come back to study in Uni here. Life is full of mystery. You never know what's going to happen, you never know when its going to happen.

oh man. why am I so depressed? I shouldn't be because the memories I have of this place and all the things I did here for the last 14 years of my life are enough to make up for this. It really is. I've had so much fun here. With both my family and my friends. I can only hope and wish that I will have the same amount of fun in any other place with another, different set of people.

but I am depressed. Hopefully, when I meet up with Priya and Nini later today, this depression will vanish. It will. I know me. I can hide things really well when I want to. It's a quality of mine that is a necessary evil - I need it and I hate it.

and the fact that amelie mauresmo and not justine henin won the wimbledon womens' singles is not helping to alleviate my depression at all. amelie mauresmo sucks. i hate her. justine henin fully deserved that trophy, considering how she's been playing. and considering that everyone expected her to win. well. i guess tennis is like soccer, in that, in this season at least, nobody that I've supported is winning.

I wanted Brazil to win the World Cup. Brazil or Germany. In fact Brazil vs Germany would have been an awesome final. Germany is an amazing team too. And Klinsmann is hot. but old. but old men can be hot as George Clooney and Richard Gere have proved so many times in their numerous cinematic appearances in recent films. Anyway.

And I had also wanted Andy Roddick, Marat Safin or Mario Ancic to win the Wimbledon mens' singles trophy. Unfortunately, that is not going to happen and its probably going to be Roger Federer. Again. and he's probably going to win the US open. no surprise there. i wish Federer could just go stick his head in a hole somewhere which is not England/France/Australia/US. But he's such a good player! argh. i hate the fact that I dont support him but still want to see him play coz he plays such marvellous, beautiful tennis. It's like tennis is his version of poetry. He can probably make any type of shot a winner at the expense of his opponent (duh). And that's why I dont want him to win, while simultaneously admiring him and applauding his brilliance - I always support the underdogs.

I hope I find the time in India to keep blogging. Blogging helps keep me from being overloaded with emotion as I find it really difficult to talk about my feelings to other people. Ok. I've been exceptionally non-hyper during this post. Dunno whats up with me. Lack of sleep? Lack of food? Lack of good weather? Lack of anything to do around this empty house with no tv, no table, no chairs etc? Abundance of irritating siblings? Has to be one of those.

omg. i just remembered something. I found out that my dad has a blog! AAAAH! haha. i went there yesterday and read his posts - he has a sense of humour! He has got to be the only dad i know with a blog (im only considering dads of people i know). That is so trendy and modern! Appa! I didnt know you had it in you! =P I mean, you wear loongies and go work in some company! That's what dads do! They dont have blogs! and they dont post about stuff like male-bashing (yes, my dad's latest post is on male-bashing; he listed a couple of jokes at the expense of the (fragile) male ego)! haha! damn funny. if you want to you can go check his blog out at: www.vijaysrinivasan.wordpress.com

he's gonna be so pleased that im giving him extra publicity. please, whatever you do, DO NOT, inadvertantly, give him my blog url coz there's LOADS of stuff on this blog that i DO NOT want him or my mother to know/read. they will never stop talking about it. and they might get offended. you dont know my parents. so please, whatever you do, DO NOT give him my url. thanks. =P happy reading then! have to go suck my toes!

carsandpillowfights

2006-07-03T20:41:00.000+08:00

href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/6243/649/1600/lamborghini.1.jpg">
above: a lamborghini. its so sexy right! its not the one that i and sok saw in paragon but its close coz it was the only lamborghini convertible picture i found on the net...of course the lamborghini website has more but then you cant copy pictures off of it. so. haha...but this car is cool too =D i love sexy, streamlined, yummy cars! especially red ones! or black ones! or black ones with red seats! haha =P

while we're talking about happy stuff (b4 i go on to the depressing stuff): Ive been busy over the weekend! *beamz* i met up with the g12 gang minus a few people, like my father, and had LOADS of HUMONGOUS BARRELFULS of fun =D we gossiped like nobody's business (if there was a competition for best gossiping group, we would so win it! we gossip about ppl we dont even know >.< words =" supposed">.< *sigh* haha...and then me and sherin had a PILLOW FIGHT! so fun! omg! i was dida! and she was ronaldo! and then i got to be the more good looking Wayne Rooney! take that, cristiano! hmph. haha...it was damn fun! that was probably one of my almost-died-laughing moments =D [while we were pillow-fighting, sok was playing minesweeper >.< href="http://www.youtube.com">www.youtube.com so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. richard simmons is SO gay and he's not even good-looking; usually gay guys are waaaay handsome-er than him. lol. and then they had to go. it was fun *beamz*

ok i have to go now. my brother wants to do, what he calls, un-childish stuff aka playing computer games on www.disneychannel.com ...they've got cool games btw. not bad. good for a person with slow reflexes. like me. though my bro is MUCH better at computer games, or any games, for that matter. i can safely say that im an academic person. lol. kk ciao. dont miss me too much anon!!!!!!!!! lol. =D

somuchlurrrve

2006-07-01T13:01:00.000+08:00

yesterday was so fun! =P i had so much fun that it completely counterbalanced my weariness from walking around all day...*Beamz* ok so this was how my day went: i woke up LATE coz i was UP late the previous night chatting with random people and not having so much fun actually (=[ i usually have fun while chatting. oh well. first time for everything...). so anw. i woke up at like 9.45 a.m. even though my mum woke me up at 9.00 (thank GOD my mum had to go out after waking me up!!!! she is such a good nag >.<) and then i called sok!!! actually i called her to arrange the timing and where to meet etc etc but we ended up talking about uteruses and oestrogen >.< why do we have the most RANDOM but entertaining conversations????? lol =D

and then i left on my journey! from petir (which is in bukit panjang for all you weirdos who live in the east) to orchard! the journey was probably as far as mordor is from the shire...lol. i miss lotr, havent watched/read it for a while. there's so much to do!!! anw. i digress. so, i caught 171 and was happily sitting there, staring at people and criticizing their appearances in my head (as i always do even though i know its wrong to criticize people based on their appearances as i, myself, am not naomi campbell or kaka's wife) and then i casually looked out the window and my eye caught a street sign, and instead of proclaiming that the bus was in bukit timah (or a place nearer to orchard than bukit panjang) the sign says: "MANDAI ROAD". haha! i had taken the bus from the wrong side and i was heading towards the zoo (to which i DO NOT belong to just in case someone wanted to add that UNwelcome comment)!!! to my credit, i fully realized this asap and i got off the bus at the nearest bus stop, which turned out to be outside this army place - so obviously, the bus stop was only used by army people and not by civillians (so i wouldnt be able to criticize the bus driver and the rest of the passengers in the 171 that i took from the opposite side for staring at me as if i was some demented freak). haha! that is so (NOT) my goal - to make everyone, apart from those who already think so - think that i am an alien from mars. oh well. it was an adventure. and i got to see one of the ulu-er places in singapore. and i got to be near my brethren (the zoo animals)!! [I AM KIDDING]

ok anw. then i met sok at the 171 bus stop outside tangs coz i was afraid that i wouldnt know how to walk to borders (why am i embarrassing myself by including this here?? oh well. im in a weird mood anw) and then it turned out u could see borders from that bus stop >.<>.< and she woke me up from sleeping! no fair!

so anw, i meet sok and we have fun talking ROT (and she was wearing a different t-shirt! FINALLY!!!!!!) and CRAP and NONSENSE about nothing in particular - our conversations are extremely random and i think this is why i thrive while talking to her because i, like our conversations, and like her, am extremely random. and then we went to borders and she helped me pick out this book on how to achieve happiness for my mum's birthday present (she is fully stressed right now, what with us migrating etc etc. she yells at us like everyday...kk not everyday but practically everyday) and we were just looking at everything else. and sok discovered my very bad habit of leaving things where i did not find them =]. in my defense, i can only say that, it is extremely convenient to do this, especially when you are hungry/tired or your feet are paining and the shop is big or you want to high tail out of the place. or if you are just plain lazy. yeah.

and then we went to pasta mania (which was underground!!! orchard road never ceases to delight me with its wonderful surprises tucked away in the most surprising places. the next cineplex is probably gonna be in a toilet or something! lol =P) and we sat there waiting for 20 mins, doing nothing, coz the student discount was at 2 and it was 1.40 haha...and we stared hungrily at the cheese jar on the table and debated whether or not to steal it. and then we ordered and ate our food which was extremely yummy and hottt. =P and we got 30 % off. hah! and then i showed sok some indian money - 100 rupee notes. and then we smelt them and stuff. haha =D so basically we had fun while eating.

and then we walked around orchard road for like an hour - we went into paragon (where we visited the toilet to see if it was as nice as the rest of the building - sadly it wasnt. very cramped and small. and though the colours of the tiles were nice, nothing else was. there weren't even mirrors in the middle!! oh well. and then we took photos of a lamborghini!! it was black with red leather seats and it was open on top and it was so sexy! and we set the trend! everyone started taking photos of the car after we did! haha =D) and then we went to heeren (where we looked for a muse cd and discussed music...and we met sherin, jaya and xm outside and they were all wearing black tops and blue jeans - sherin, however airy a top is, i would never wear it if it was full-sleeved and black, at least, i would never wear it in this humid weather-hellhole that we fondly refer to as singapore)

I love you sok! And you made my Friday great!! =P

and then I had to go home coz my mum, my sis, my bro and I were going out for dinner to celebrate my mum’s birthday =P we went to pizza hut coz my brother wanted to eat pizza >.< selflessness and letting the birthday person do the choosing of the birthday-dinner-venue choosing are two qualities my brother certainly does not display. Anw, we had gazillions of gallons of fun! =P and I ate a stuffed crust pizza (I feel extremely guilty thinking of it now, and NO, a flabby tummy does NOT feel soft or comfortable – actually I wouldn’t know if it is comfortable to sleep on, seeing as how I am a normal person and not a contortionist and thus, I can’t put my head on my stomach and be comfortable at the same time)…but it was good while it lasted =P the cheese was so squelchy and CHEESY *drools in memory* oh well. All good things have to come to an end.

And then we went home and watched The Gods Must Be Crazy – which btw, is an EXTREMELY funny movie and will crack anyone up. Seriously. It has got to be one of my all-time favourite comedies. N!XAU is such a good actor! He is a !kung bushman – which explains the exclamation mark. The whole ‘evil thing’ and ‘end of the world’ thing was in very good taste too. I think. My mum, as usual, when it is a movie that I picked and not a movie she picked, constrained her enthusiasm at watching such a good specimen of a movie and merely said that the humour was a bit overdone. Oh well. I was happy anyway. It was hilarious. Seriously. =P

So, all in all, yesterday was goooooood.

Oh and before I go for a bath (yes I know its bad to not bathe as soon as you get up etc etc – my mum has nagged me already today thanks very much), I have to blog about Wednesday!! =P sherin came over to my house for dinner!! Haha…for a full update on that, check out her blog: http://hanirehs.blogspot.com . everything I wanna say is there. Plus this: I love you! And you made my Wednesday great! =P

ok now i have to go for a bath. will update more on my worldly-wise musings later...=D

notime

2006-06-24T22:12:00.000+08:00

watched POTC for like the umpteenth time today on disney...shivered me timbers everytime jack sparrow aka johnny depp came on the screen =P though it was a bit distracting since my brother (who btw laughs like a MAN) was sitting next to me watching lion king on my laptop and laughing at everything >.< and this happened to be the time in the movie when everyone's fighting and its all 'scary.' and then when lion king ended he sat next to me and watched the ending of POTC (when its all dark and eerie...but not for me...im just saying) and laughed at everything. im not even kidding/exaggerating/joking/being sarcastic. that kid has a weird sense of humour.

oh and i watched my fair lady yesterday!!! it was so cool! i cant believe i used to find that movie slightly boring! i think my sense of humour has changed drastically or something, but i actually laughed! several times! during the movie! oh man, it was really funny, especially the first half of the movie...the best part has got to be at the horse race where eliza shouts: "move your bloomin' arse!" and this lady faints from shock! haha =P and the ball was pretty funny too coz i knew eliza wasnt actually a duchess/princess/wtv but they didnt! and the song lyrics were so cool! i was actually singing along and enjoying them! (i didnt mug up the lyrics before watching the movie or anything...its just that these movies have very easy-to-sing-along lyrics). haha...it was fun. my mum thought i was mad of course. but then, she thinks im mad anyway. so big deal.

ok now ive thought of my mum. shitt. that means that ive just thought of all the stuff i have left to do coz my mum keeps nagging me. u know im having fun and all now, but in a couple of days, i am not gonna be smiling, let me tell u. seriously. i have SO MUCH GODDAMN WORK. and my math teacher is NOT HELPING at all by being a frikkin medieval hermit who does not know that it is common courtesy to reply to an email!!! (which is btw very very well written, if i say so myself) how am i going to choose a math topic for my EE if he refuses to reply????? he has got to be the most infuriating man on the planet! FON.

and then, the whole migration thing. if we all knew how to disapparate, things would be a whole lot easier. and all of us are so stressed - seriously. like my mum has a whole long list of things to tie up and do after 13 years of living here and she has to do all that in 2 weeks and she gets really stressed and tired and yells at us sometimes. its not very nice, to say the least. and there are these times when all of us are so tired that we just sleep and there's silence (which is extremely difficult to achieve if you have a brother like mine who cant seem to keep his gob shut even when he has nothing to say. he'll invent something to say). its quite funny actually. like today. we (my mum, sis, bro and i) were in the car and my mum was driving (duh) and me, my sis and bro were sleeping (i swear) and my mum suddenly jerks my arm and wakes me up and this is the convo we have:

mum: ahalya, talk to me. (not in a passionate voice of course. that would just be gross)
me: eh.....huh?
mum: im falling asleep! i nearly banged into the platform! (which she did coz she had closed her eyes momentarily. and the car behind honked really loudly)
me: [waves hand in air, turns around and closes eyes]
mum: wake up!
me: [grunts] what???? (in a whiny tone)
mum: talk to me! im falling asleep!
me: ok ok fine. ermm...i know! let's sing!
mum: huh?
me: we'll sing along [right then, it was 98.7 fm on the radio]
mum: i cant sing along with this noise!
me: (changes song to 'piyu bole' from parineeta. for those of you who havent heard this song, GO HEAR IT. its extremely cute =P) let's sing along to this then! dont tell me you dont know the lyrics...you've listened to it more than any song u've heard in your whole life! (which is kind of true coz my brother happens to be obsessed with this song. dont ever travel in a car or be in a room which has a radio with him when he's awake coz he will make you play this song. he can sing the whole goddamn thing which is for like 7 mins and he doesnt even know hindi >.<)
me and mum: [try to sing. sound like drunken idiots. but keeps mum awake =P]

this actually happened. im not kidding. or exaggerating. merely narrating the facts. i dont exactly remember the exact words we said but this is more or less what happened. it was really funny...haha! =P

oh well. u know, its funny that when you're in school and there are these cliques and people from different cliques are always having disagreements and you get swept up in it even though u dont like being involved. and even if you try to distance yourself from it, u'll hear whats going on, and its not nice. and then you think that this kind of thing wont happen when you leave that school. well you shouldn't think that coz it happens in all schools. no matter who goes there, no matter if that school is populated by nerds and freaks and maniacs etc - there will always be politics. wherever there's a large group of people - hell, even lost (the tv series) had politics and they're stranded on a frikkin island! - there's always politics. and even when you leave school A, and heave a huge sigh of relief in the (vain) hope that you're leaving the politics behind, you're celebrating too soon coz even school B will have politics. probably nastier politics than school A, assuming B is of a higher education level than A.

and then when you graduate from high school and heave a huge sigh of relief, thinking that yes! no more politics coz now im going to university! and then work! - you're celebrating too soon again coz there will be politics in university, in work - even if you're a frikkin housewife. everywhere! its like humans have this incessant need to bitch and gossip and play people against one another and invent some conflict between people so that they can bitch some more.

its not pretty. not pleasant at all. when people actually realize that there's no time in life to worry about hurting others and to invent drama in their lives by creating some issue/gossip/rumour about other people and to bitch about others - when people become aware that there's no time in life to do all this, thats when today's society will improve. that's when we attain nirvana probably - according to me anyway. when we stop doing things with some ulterior motive in mind. when we stop hurting others purposely in order for our own selfish gains. when there are no more politics.

there's no time for any of that. why doesnt anyone realize this? not even my mum for gods' sake, and your mum is supposed to know more than you!

oh krap. my mood is utterly utterly spoilt. will have to go sleep now. its 11 pm. tmr = another hectic day. am not looking forward to next week at all. why is there no interesting soccer match to keep me up on the days i dont feel like sleeping? and why are the most interesting matches on the days that im the most tired? gah. murphy's law i suppose. oh well.

my bed awaits me

lipidlipid

2006-06-20T21:47:00.000+08:00

ecuador vs germany in like....precisely 15 mins!!!! according to my laptop time anyway, so it might not be precise but time is very subjective (i will not elaborate further on this as i only have 15 mins and there's no time and i can probably write a frikkin effing thesis on this subject given the spazzed out mood im in right now >.<)

im rooting for germany =] though i hate them for taking out oliver kahn. oh well. (i love his name...its so not german and its so arabic + western >>>> EXOTIC!!!) =]

just had this argument with my brother (why isnt argument spelt arguement??) about who his nose belongs to. we argued for a good 20 minutes and my mum got really pissed. ok more like amused and then she became irritated coz we were making such a din. we were dinning while dining! =] of course there's no such word as 'dinning' but who cares man. so we came to this conclusion: when he's awake its his nose coz he needs to breathe right. and then when he's sleeping its mine! coz nowadays im awake alot in the night especially so i get ownership over his nose!!! XD oh yeah *does a jig*

i am not weird. that was a momentary lapse of normalcy, i assure you. i am a very desirable person to talk to ok.

i ate so much junk food today - ate like a catrillion barrels of cheese for dinner or something...we went to pasta fresca and i finished like a whole container of parmesan cheese (the extra bowl of cheese that they give us if we want to put cheese in our pasta) and i ate like a whole margherita pizza (ok more like 2 slices - but there was alot of cheese ok...it was practically dripping with cheese...yummmmmm) and then right now i feel so BLOATED. krap. im gonna be like jayalalitha #2 if i go on like this >.<

but cheese is soooo goooooooooood. why?????? why is it so good?? its like god wants to test the strong-willed-ness of mankind. hmph.

if u say 'lipid' over and over again really fast like a couple of times (until u get bored), it sounds like a frog croaking (ribbit etc.) isnt that cool? =P

ok before i forget and get caught up with watching the match: yesterday met up with priya (nini wasnt able to make it lah...sad =[) and we had LOTS of fun *beamz* haha...she's a carnivore man! doesnt even eat lettuce...which has got to be one of the best veggies on this planet. haha..and we had fun talking about TISB - she interrogated me and everything (dont worry priya, im used to ure interrogations)...it was fun =]

hope we can meet up again before i leave. ok lets not talk about me leaving. its damn depressing to think about it, let alone talk about it. *sigh*

ok match is starting!! Germany awaits me!

2006-06-18T19:45:00.000+08:00

u know whats the most unfair-est thing in this world right now? the fact that there are so many good world cup matches going on and the fact that i cant see all of them as my eyes wont cooperate. like yesterday...i wanted to see the USA vs Italy match so bad but couldnt coz i had seen the previous two (portugal vs Iran and Ghana vs Czech) and my eyes were frikkin drooping. seriously. like there was this one time when i slept for 20 mins, woke up and took another 10 mins to realize that i had missed 20 mins of play. >.< they should show one match per day or at the most 2 man! krap.

im so amazed by this complete out-of-character-ness that im going through. i mean, in 2002, yeah i cared enough to watch the finals and the semis but i didnt care this much...now its like, i HAVE to watch EVERY match in which brazil/england (I dont like peter crouch by the way...looks like a skeleton with skin and no flesh)/germany/spain appears in.

and every other match as well.
which basically means i HAVE to watch EVERY SINGLE MATCH that is shown on Starhub Channel 27. >.< sucks when you end up staying up the whole night and cant do anything the next day except sleep/sit around and wait for the coming matches. bleargh.

why am i so obsessed anyway? i mean, it doesnt matter to them (the players) that im watching...at least, this was my mentality until now for soccer. and my mother's mentality for tennis esp. french open coz that was right before the midyears usually. but not anymore. not for the last year. but i couldnt take advantage of that anyway, seeing as im stuck in a rigid, uptight boarding house for most of the year. their rules are ridiculous. seriously. u dont even want to get me started coz then i wouldnt be able to finish today, let alone by dinner time which is in approximately 10 mins and which i cannot miss as it is yummy home food....*drools* [this is what happens to u when u are deprived of good food. not only men can appreciate good food ok. good food is the key to a woman's - at least this woman's - heart too.]

i cant believe i blogged a whole post about soccer - at least in a positive light. wtf is wrong with me?

sometimes i wish i was R2-D2 from star wars and that i could just shut down at will and not function for some time. that would be bliss. utter, complete, heavenly, utopia for me actually - and im not even exaggerating this time.

world cupppp

2006-06-14T20:11:00.000+08:00

SUMMER HOLIDAYS!!!!! Omg…its gonna be a whole 2.5 months of FUN FUN FUN. Ok maybe not all fun…actually certainly not all fun…the amount of work I have really takes the ‘holi’ out of holidays >.< see this is the work I have to do during my summer break:

1) TOK essay – 1600 words (ive written my first draft…but my teacher said it was BORING. She said reading it was like reading a textbook !?!?!? what is that supposed to mean????)
2) Extended Essay – 4000 words (shitttttt…im doing my EE in math and I have NO TOPIC. What was I thinking? My mum is sooo right about the fact that im idealistic and that my head is always in the clouds. I am so screwed for this…)
3) World Literature Essay – 1500 words (this is not too bad…just have to refine some stuff and then do my final draft)
4) Revise Physics, Economics, Math, Spanish – I screwed up in my exams. That’s enough reason to do this
5) UNIVERSITY APPLICATIONS. There’s only ONE word I can say for this: SHITTTTT. I am in such deep shitttt and I have no idea how im gonna get myself out of it >.<

*miserable look* trust me. U DON’T wanna be where I am right now, even though I have a 2.5 month holiday looming up in front of me…

haha I realize that I started talking about ‘fun’ and then typed a whole long list of work I have to do >.< I have become such a nerd (no one is allowed to say this but me) now I cant believe it. sometimes I just feel like throwing all my books away, bunking school, running off to zambia or some other place in Africa and zooming all over the place, shrieking, “I DON’T WANNA GROW UP AND BECOME A BORED ADULT WORKING IN A BORING OFFICE IN THIS BORING WORLD WHERE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING EXCEPT MYSELF IS BORING.” U think if I do that, my mum will get the hint and let me drop out of school?

ok I realize that I am engaging in a severe bout of: wishful thinking-ness. This is a highly contagious disease, which many teenagers (especially me) are prone to. Frighteningly enough, the abovementioned many teenagers are exceedingly unaware of the presence of this highly contagious disease, which can, very well, exterminate the world population of teenagers (we do not know this yet…although we are highly intelligent sentient beings aka homo sapiens aka humans, we have yet to uncover the potentially fatalistic consequences of contracting this disease). So be warned. For this disease could be pervading you right now. YOU! Yes YOU! YOU, the one looking at the computer screen! I AM TALKING TO YOUUUU ok and not that flea near your ear.

Lol =P haha imagine if I went around talking like that…I would have like no friends. And my mum would think im mad. But she wouldn’t tell me that coz that’s what mums are for right? To tell their children how intelligent and perfect little homo sapiens they are. Hmmmm…that’s quite a distressing thought really.

Ok wtv I am so digressing right now. Back to the point: SUMMER HOLIDAYS and FUN!!!!! Lol.

Haha, so got back on Saturday morning (10th of June) and (this is very bad of me and I have realized my sin so, god, forgive me) I have only got in touch with priya and nini properly (we talked for like almost an hour, 2 days ago…) and I talked to sherin for like 2 minutes >.< ok I realize that this is extremely antisocial behaviour on my part and that I have to call up: sherin (coz she called me up and I was shitting in the toilet…actually I dunno what I was doing in the toilet but that’s not the point right now is it?), SOK (I don’t even think she knows that im back. Im such a BAD friend. Gahzzz) and I have to talk some more to priya (who is up to her man-izing shennigans once again =P and who still hasn’t told me what her new blog url is *glares*) and nini (who is still obsessed with world cup, soccer, hot guys whom she will never get – just kidding nini!!! Dunno why im apologizing seeing as she never comes online, let alone reads my posts >.<)

Speaking about world cup: I have uncovered in myself, a novel attraction towards something! Ok, scrapping the big linkage-of-letters aka words (=P); basically, I have realized that I am really obsessed with the world cup. Yesterday, spent 2 HOURS looking through the world cup website on the internet and learning all these names of all these players (shitt they have the weirdest names! My dad was saying the other day that sports people with weird names aren’t from well-educated or well-off families…>.< I know , dumb right. but lets not get into that..) and then I kinda mugged up the timings for the matches today…but since I did that yesterday night at like almost 12 am, I don’t remember anything. Lol. But the point is, im into soccer?!?!?! Though I haven’t actually watched any of the matches yet (apart from the opening match – germany vs costa rica, which germany won 4-2 YAYAYYAYAY!!! I just included this to prove to any disbelieving person(s) that I watched – I watched this match at the Bangalore international departure airport…the tv was smaller than my thumbnail and I couldn’t see the players clearly, let alone try and identify who they were…couldn’t even see the name of the player who had scored, or the time >.<…but I managed to at least get an idea of what was happening)…but im gonna start watching!!! I haven’t coz my mum only subscribed to the PPV thingy today…so im watching the match (whichever one it is) tonight!!!! Yay!!! I don’t care which team coz as long as the people im watching are better players than me, im satisfied (aka im satisfied very easily. Sad, but true – god did not put me on this earth to become a soccer player).

Ok ive got lots lots lots more to say but I have to go now…to eat DINNER! Mmmm…home-cooked food which is not reeking of oil and which I don’t have to squish between 2 tissues in a vain attempt at removing the oil (which is what I do at boarding school for most of my meals. Even the rice has oil!!! Wtf.)
So, basically, what im trying to say is, I’ll continue this later!!! I cant believe Ive written so much! Shitt. I have so much to say??? Wtf. Haha…

Ok bye! Dinner awaits me. =P

blah blah

2006-04-10T14:35:00.000+08:00

there's so much to do but so little time...its like economics applied to the real world. oppurtunity cost. its really relative. i mean look at my dad and me. we're in the same family, we're blood relatives, i share so many of his characteristics. so many. just ask my mum. but when it comes to oppurtunity cost, we're waaay different. i mean he would probably rather read some boring business book if he was free and i would probably chat or something. or whatever teeneagers do. its so relative. kudos to whoever invented it man. i mean, its right there in front of us. the root cause of our inherent differences. and some guy came up with it. out of the blue. and we had to be taught in school why we are different from others. it makes you feel really stupid. that you cant understand why you are different from others.

i feel stupid.

this comp is so slow.

are we really more intelligent than animals and machines. i mean, yeah we can talk. yeah we have emotions. yeah we have a big ol lump of grey mass up there (even though we only use like 0.4% of it or something). but are we really intelligent? i mean, isnt that an over-generalization? who defines what intelligence is? no, really. who? just coz you do better than me in a school test does that mean you are more intelligent than i am? does it mean i'm stupid? or a machine or an animal? just coz some personality test on the internet says im emotionally weak does it really mean i am? i mean, who made that personality test? was he/she qualified to determine people's emotional intelligence? and who set that test in school? is he/she qualified to determine people's intelligence? can a bunch of people in the government base their decisions on which school to send which kid to on these tests? shouldn't school be a place where all ure inherent intelligence is tested? who decides who the government is anyway? aren't we more powerful than the government anyway? what right do they have to break childrens' spirits, to tell them they're stupid and to completely demotivate them to study and work harder?

they dont have that right. nobody has that right, except maybe you yourself. only you have the right to put yourself down. to kill yourself slowly by telling yourself that you're stupid. but why would you right? why would anyone...

you have no idea.

i dont know what i wanted to actually say today...i just came online with this idea of blogging (im supposed to practicing for SAT now. if my mum finds out im screwed). and i dunno where that came from. but all of it is true. its omfg true. esp in some places, like singapore. where people dont have their priorities, or should i say, oppurtunity costs, straight.

anyway, gonna go do my SAT prep. 1 word of advise: do not re-take your SAT and even if you do, pay for it yourself man. seriously. >.<

w.t.f.

2006-04-08T23:44:00.000+08:00

Today met up with Priya and Nini. Cannot believe how much fun we had today, just sitting in one place and talking about everything. I mean it. Every single thing under the sun. Well, at least every single thing that we had time to talk about coz I had to leave (mum = party pooper).

Anyway, I was just thinking how this world has so many types of people. And there are so many definitions of how many types or categories of people there are. I mean, my brother, for instance, would differentiate people as good and bad. But, you know, obviously the majority of us would think of it in a more complex way. Actually its quite mind boggling thinking of how many there are. Shit! I cant even begin to list the type...

But I have to say the majority of Indians that I have met are all really manipulative. Im not talking about the local Indians here in Singapore. I mean they are just different. A whole new different situation. What im referring to is the Indians from India. Indian Indians. Well, they’re really cunning and manipulative. They will not stop and think about others at all. Not even one tiny bit. They will just push ahead and reach for their goal in life without pausing to think about social repercussions caused by their actions.

This is obviously really irritating coz its not right. You know. [Shit im so deep into TOK that I cant even stop thinking about the different definitions of the word: 'right.' Wtf.] Whatever happened to the value of relationships? To the human quality of compassion for your fellow humans. Essentially, what happened to being nice?

But, (this is another consequence of TOK again) this quality is good in a way, ruthless as it is. It’s a really strong weapon, especially today. I mean if you have this manipulative ability, people don’t hate you. Well, they do. But they not only hate you, they respect you. Their hate is probably born out of a longing to be in your position or out of their envy for you, the bearer of this manipulative skill. And with the respect, there also comes an increase in status, money, 5 Cs etc.

So basically what im driving at here is that in today’s world, to be able to be 'not-nice' is the coveted human quality; its what everyone is aiming to be. Everyone wants to be that person on the top rung of the societal ladder and everyone will definitely admire/respect/envy(hate) the person who currently occupies that space. Who, in turn, no doubt got there by being not nice. Im not saying that everyone on top is the same way…its just that this is true more often than not.

I suppose this quality of not-niceness is necessary to a certain extent in everyone in order to survive nowadays. I mean, you cant expect to be stupid, publicize your stupid-ness to the general public and get away scot-free. People are gonna take advantage of you. There are always those out there who have that malice in their heart to take pleasure in the suffering of others - ok that’s a really melodramatic way of putting it >.<

So in order to combat those people it is necessary. I concede this. But the amount and the intensity of this quality that is exhibited in the society shocks, stuns and disgusts me. And nothing anybody says will change my opinion on this. Nothing.
p.s. this post does not refer to any specific incidents that happened today. But it does refer to certain individuals I have the misfortune of knowing and the experiences I have unfortunately had with them or witnessed happening, culminating today.

2006-04-03T11:03:00.000+08:00

im home! again.

came yesterday morning. didnt call anyone though coz i was damn sleepy and i slept the whole day. chatted for a while though, talked to ppl from TISB and sok. was good. and then we went to swensons!!!! and i ate this yummy chicken thingy and coit tower and had a tummy for the first time in 3 months!!! (not that im elated about the last part >.<) and then i watched parineeta (this hindi movie with saif ali khan in it, who is good enough to make any movie good. but apart from him, the movie was really amazing. i love it =) and then i went to sleep at like 2 in the morning.

and sok if u read this (which i know u prob wont) im so sorry i didnt call u ytd. went out. =[

so anyway, im still tired today coz i had like maybe 11 hrs of sleep in the last 2 days. i look more like a panda than ever. >.<

i really want to go and watch MUNICH!!!! unfair. i mean i am turning 18 this year (scary.....wooo...). am in a weird mood. like to see fulstops on the screen. is it fulstop or fullstop? ,............. ............. ......... ...............

gtg do important stuff. like save the world. or my nose. could be either one. nose = more important. im not making any sense am i?

2005-12-25T12:48:00.000+08:00

haha the previous post is a JOKE (which is DAMN obvious) for those of u dunderbrains who didnt know >.< its all priya's fault for bugging me yesterday to update and i didnt know what to say or where to start coz there's so many things i want to say and i didnt want blogger to do a total "i-hate-ahalya-and-will-delete-all-her-posts" thing again and delete my post. so i copied-pasted her entry and put it in my blog and changed all the 'aha's to 'priya's and the other way too. so. haha...she thought i was being spastic LOL.

ok anyway..basically im finally BACK to civilisation!!! *applause* even though its only gonna be for like 2 weeks til 8th jan 2006 and even though ive got tons of hw to do [oral commentary for dr. faustus - english, worksheets + newsppr article - spanish, 25 LOOOONG questions - math, revision coz there's gonna be a freaking test on the first day back - chemistry and 2 20m essays on stupid weird grrrr topics - history] and even though i dont have enough time to do all the stuff that i want to do for which there wont be time even during my 3 mth break in june im still gonna enjoy my hols here and be happy with what i have..coz these 2 weeks in SGP is much better than all my hols put together in india. seriously. i miss this place so much...even though boarding is ALOT OF FUN. but there are these times when u want to be alone and these times when u want to think about something but u cant when ure in boarding. like, there's ALWAYS something going on. it gets on my nerves sometimes. coz im not such a party animal who's active all the time. im more of a 'sadhu' person (sadhu = calm/lazy ermmm...stuff like that).

plus ive changed alot coz of boarding - not only in my physical characteristics but also mentally and personality wise AND (this one's because of u priya) SPEECH WISE. haha. let me draw up a list:

1) ive started saying BAAAAACK and MAAAAAD according to certain ppl. this is not true and ive got proof coz i recorded my voice on my phone saying these words. so there (IN URE FACE!!!) hahahahha =]

2) I WANT FAST FOOD I WANT FAST FOOD

3) ive learnt how to live by myself - eg. take care of my own health, wash some of my own clothes (like undies -!!!!), basically do my own stuff, u get the gist

4) ive started thinking about the future more often. like i think of what im gonna be a few years from now and what i have to do and how im gonna do them. and then this leads me to think about what would happen if i failed - which is a really sad thought. and then i daydream/fantasize about getting full marks in everything and being too good for all the universities and all the companies so that in the end ppl pay me for doing nothing coz im too good to do anything. hehehe. =]

5) ive learnt to be independent - seriously. i do my stuff by myself all the time and i dont really care what other people think about most of the stuff that i do.

6) MY HAIR IS LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ive started WAXING!!!!! haha. ok i realize that this is not something people normally splash in capitals all over their blog but what the heck man. its true!!! haha

7) ive made really good friends - boarding brings u closer than ever to ure peers coz u actually LIVE with them. trust me, if u live with ure best friend, he/she might not be ure best friend in the end. u might end up as enemies or something...ive experienced this. as in from my 2 room-mates -- ex-best friends. living with someone brings up whole new characteristics about that person - some nice and some not so nice, which u dont normally get to experience/witness if u werent living with that person.
[im prob right when i say that NOBODY understood pt. no. 7...hehe]

8) ive gotten obsessed with music. im always listening to music. i dunno why. i suppose its just that when i drown myself in music im completely detached from the rest of the world - i cant hear whats going on outside - and this helps ALOT. i dont really know how to explain this...it just gives me a chance to relax COMPLETELY and to stop thinking for a while.

9) movies and good food are luxuries to me. >.<

10) im always broke coz i spend all my pocket money (abt S$15 every week) on junk food and proper mineral water from the tuckshop coz the school food sucks and the school water seems to give only me a stomach ache (double >.<) - basically i cant really manage my money

11) i always forget where i keep stuff. like one time i had to pack to go on holiday and i couldnt find my suitcase keys and i thought i locked them in the suitcase (impossible to do coz u have to lock the suitcase with the keys so u cant put them in and then lock it. but i didnt realize this coz i was panicking...lol) and so i used a needle and picked the lock on the suitcase and almost broke it and then i find my keys in my cupboard, behind my clothes where i thought they would be hidden properly, later when im taking my stuff out of the cupboard to pack. THIS INCIDENT WAS EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING.

haha...uh-oh. i have to go now coz my mum, who will not listen to any of my protests that i havent blogged for over 4 months and that i need an outlet for my emotional stress to prevent me from going MAD, is yelling at me to get off the comp coz i very stupidly spent 1 hour prior to this checking other people's blogs and then took another hour to type this coz i typed this at the same time as i was chatting to people and so i got distracted many times and this led to me taking so long to type this.

ok basically i got to go now =[more later!!!! love you guys who read my blog!!!! haha...*beamz* its really great for my ego u know. lol

HAHAHA! AHA'S BACK! And now I can revert back to blogging about her and thus increasing her insatiable ego! :):):) Oh man, I've missed so much the tim

2005-12-24T14:34:00.000+08:00

HAHAHA! PRIYA'S BACK! And now I can revert back to blogging about her and thus increasing her insatiable ego! :):):) Oh man, I've missed so much the times we used to hang out...Yesterday she called me at like 9 plus in the morning and I was groggy and all like "duhhhh who's this?" And she's like "hello aha???" and I'm like "Oh my GAWD!!!" And she has this Indian accent that goes something like "baaack" and "maaad" and it's a really funny drawl. Hahaha...ANd we met up! Oh my gosh she's FAT!!!!!!!!!! Haha... and it was soooo awesome seeing her again even though it's only been 4 months!!! She hadn't eaten fast food, not seen a movie, and basically not acted like a normal teenager since she left! So yesterday we watched Harry Potter [for me it was the third time, and for her the FIRST], and then we ate in Macs... haha... her craving for fries was hilarious... and we talked about so many things and caught up. Though our sleepover next week with ninny is a MUST because there are a gazillion other things I haven't shared with her yet, and no they aren't about doorknobs or anything even remotely close to that!!!!Haha... Oh man I'm exhausted cos today's Xmas eve, and I messaged Mathan, Danver, Deepan, Nallu, Anand and LinHao about tomorrow... they are supposed to come over but no one has replied yet... yawwwn... maybe they're all still in bed. Yeah... it's only 9 plus... And Sasi is playing soccer now with his MI friends so there's another person I can't call and lament to. [Sasikumar if you're reading this, I want a new set of Earphones by THE END OF THIS WEEK!!!]And Danver if you're reading this PLEASE HELP ME CALL THE REST AND CONFIRM ABOUT TMR!!! :) Thanks!Ok I'm off to watch Friends...Adios!

2005-08-19T15:07:00.000+08:00

i just typed this massive post. REALLY MASSIVE. thanking everyone and pouring my heart out. literally. it was huge. spent an hour and a half. and guess what.

IT FUCKING GOT DELETED.

I AM MAJORLY PISSED.

I HATE BLOGSPOT.

EFF EFF EFF EFF !@&*^^$^%@%^*(&(&

I AM SUPER PISSED AND I NEED TO TAKE IT OUT ON SOMEONE.

MY DAD IS NOT HELPING.

so im going to shorten this.

to all my dear friends: so sorry you couldnt see the post. dont use blogspot whatever you do. i love you muchos *big hug and kiss*

to priya and nini: im sticking to email from now on when writing to you guys. i really spilt my heart out on this post and the com has to go and hang. WHAT THE FUCK.

i love you alot by the way. and priya say a huge thank you to sasi from me. and tell nini to read this. thanks =D

to my family: i love you *beamz* even though you wont read this. XD. i will call you every week. i miss you every second, of every day, of every week of every month.

to my dad: change your laptop. never trust indian internet connections. always type in microsoft word before blogging.

oh yeah my dad doesnt blog >.<

to everyone including myself: good luck in exams. do well. study hard. and never forget me [this is not to myself btw]. we shall go out when i get back. XD

THE END

p.s. BLOGSPOT SUCKS.

2005-08-16T19:19:00.000+08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAH im shit scared. i wish it was like those fleeting moments of scared-ness or paranoia that will just leave you trembling in ure socks for like a while and then poof ure back to normal. but i cant stand this long drawn-out thing which is sadly getting worse by the day. ive never dreaded anything more in my life. never ever. i swear. not even my o level tamil paper. im being completely serious.

thankfully all this packing is completely driving my thoughts away from friday. i really like being busy right now. even though most of the time i'm a lazy pig. ok not a pig. that was just a non-literal reference. anw. its like bad enough knowing that you're not going to see all the people you normally wake up seeing everyday for like more than 4 months. its even worse when it all comes and hits you that you are not going to see hide or hair of them and that you're going to be living all alone for the first effing time in your life. and when you have an overprotective mother, which is good in some ways, it really scares you when you have to finally let go and be independent because the transition is much tougher than if you were independent by nature.

*sigh* i hate thinking about this. ok moving on..

meeting ohfiveasstwelve today =] im sure we're gonna have loads of fun!! cant wait *beamz muchos* and meeting chitra and sherin at school today too..managed to somehow persuade my mum. thank god my dad is at work today. he would have never said yes. >.<

ok that didnt work. im still thinking about what i'm trying to not think about.

oh shit. its the day after tomorrow.

shit shit shit shit shit. im gonna die.

oh eff. why cant life be as easy as my maths o level paper?

will this waiting ever end.

2005-08-11T22:45:00.000+08:00

I read newsweek today - dont be shocked. I suspect its a product of a desperate individual seeking desperate respite from a desperate state of boredom.

I am such a desperado. Ok now i know how the word despo came about. minus the erado part. Gosh, the creativeness of Singaporeans. I really applaud the efforts of the founder of Singlish. Its a great language lah. =D

Ok anyway as i was saying, I read newsweek - there was an article about how african babies are dying everyday in Africa (duh. where else?) from starvation due to the Autumn famine, which was even worse this year because of the tsunamis. [This makes me wonder whether everything God does is for the better of mankind.]

So I was quite shocked at first that while we're lounging about here and the Singapore government is wasting catrillions of money on casinos and useless local tv shoes [except a few] people are dying in other parts of the world. They don't even have clothes or a home or food or sanitized water, let alone a television or enough money to even think of a casino. They probably don't even know what a casino is >.< color="#66ffff">That does not mean I pick my nose. That is just gross. And a warning to pickers of noses - if u pick too hard ure nose will bleed. I read this somewhere i think.

Ok anyway, once the shock had gone away and I had gone back to what I normally do - today it was re-reading Da Vinci Code - this occured to me: When millions are dying in Africa, why is my mum effing forcing me to eat so much?? It's almost as if she's trying to force me to eat a quantity of food equal to that which i would normally eat if i were staying here for the next few months til december! My belly is growing!! *mortified look* I'm trying to be out of the house as much as possible. I'm even volunteering to go to NTUC.

When I start doing that, its a sign of how desperate I am. I never go to NTUC when given the choice. Never.

Oh well. If she does this for lunch tmr I am going to yell. And pretend to call child welfare protection like the kid Russell Peters did. Good my mum hasn't watched that clip yet. Oh btw, I'm teaching my brother to say that line: Somebody gonna get-a hurt realll bad. He says it quite well you know. Especially when you take away his light saber or his hot wheels car. The silver one. Him and the silver hot wheels car are attached at the hip. First it was Barney. Poor Barney. He's so huggable.

I'm quite humongously depressed nowadays. Actually my mood changes. I'm like PMS-ing. I really am. Like this morning I woke up I was so pissed I yelled at everyone. My mum was quite tolerant til I yelled that there was no bread in the house and why hadnt she got the bread yet. Bad mistake. I dont see whats wrong with that anyway. Maybe it was the volume of my voice. And my continual references to my state of temporary 'starvation.' Anyway, we didn't talk until after lunch. I think we bonded over the tasteless-ness of the veggies at Lunch. Females...weird creatures.

Anyway so everything was kewl in the afternoon. Instant mood swing. Oh and I noticed some other stuff too. I cant sleep until about 1.5 hours after I lie down and hug my bolster. Dunno what I'm going to do without it. I swear I cannot sleep without it. I'll probably be more homesick for my bolster apart from anything else, except family maybe. And friends. And my mum's cooking. *sigh* My mum is taking an almost insane delight that I'm going to finally experience the tongue-deadening food they generally serve at hostels. Are mothers supposed to be happy when their kids - especially one as valuable and cool as me - suffers? I don't think thats in the Guide to being a Mother book.

I also notice that this post is alot more serious than my previous few. Hmm..I cant write funny stuff today. Please tell me this is at least a bit funny and entertaining. It would really make me happy and I would love you all the more =D. Haha. It would be nice to know some people are reading the whole post and not just the intro and the conclusion like i know some people do - these people will never see this paragraph so (HAH!) I'll know. Mwahaha. [Cue evil laughter]

So basically that's all thats going on really. Apart from the fact that It's finally started to sink in that I'm going to Bangalore, where I probably won't know the airport from the movie theatre.
=[ As in I would be completely lost there without someone else with me. It's quite scary. I'm quite sad too. I really am. In fact I think I'm going to cry on next Friday at the airport. I'm most probably going to break down a few times next week too. I almost did last night when I was playing with Ashwin and Shilpa. I'm going to miss Singapore - as much of an anti-Singaporean Singaporean that I am - I will.

I'll miss NJC. I'll miss 21 Coronation Drive. I'll miss Orchard Road. I'll miss talking Singlish. I dread becoming all Indian Accent-ified. I'll miss all my friends. I'll miss the good food. I'll miss waking up when I want to and sleeping when I want to. I'll miss my bolster. I'll miss this computer and this room. I'll miss my teddy bears. I'll miss my room. Heck I'll even miss the construction noises going on outside my house. I'll miss Disney Channel. I'll miss watching One Tree Hill every wednesday night. I'll miss eating whenever I want and sleeping whenever and wherever I want. I'll miss calling up my friends and talking crap. I'll miss going online all the time. I'll miss all the hot guys hehe. I'll miss my stereo system. I'll miss all my O Level Notes. I'll miss my Cedar Yearbooks and my SCPS ones.

I'll miss fighting with my siblings and making up. I'll miss hugging my parents. I'll miss my daily hug and kiss from my brother. I'll miss talking crap with Shilpa - who's surprisingly talking crap-able. I'll miss the constant nagging from my mum - as absurd as that sounds. I'll miss the nice feeling of warmth and acceptance [the only place I feel I get any] in the house. I'll miss all the smiles, the tears, the laughter, the DISCO DANCING, the family times, the movies, the long talks about nothing at all, EVERYTHING.

I seriously doubt I'm going to come back to Singapore from Bangalore as an unchanged person who's nice to everyone and cheerful most of the time. If I become arrogant, mean, selfish and snobbish, please don't be angry at me and please tell me. Try to remember Aha from NJC or from Cedar or from wherever you've met me. And please stay in touch. [Oh eff I'm tearing already] Please do. I dont know what I would do without my friends. I dont want to say thank you individually as yet - I would probably start crying and so I want to save that for when my parents are out of the house and I'll be undisturbed.

I love all of you guys. *Big FAT hug* I wish I didnt have to go. I'm a real crapped up person right now. I need major therapy. *Kicks self* I'm sorry this post is so ranty and emo. I don't know where it came from. I just logged on, feeling that I needed to blog and all of this just spilled out from my brain. My fingers just typed away without me really realising what I was saying until I stopped myself and scrolled up to read what I'd just written. I fully realize this bad habit I have of keeping everything - every little angsty feeling- that I have firmly locked up inside and portray a cheerful facade to the world. My mum knows without me ever telling her. She says its bad and that I have to learn to speak to people about my feelings. But my mum isn't really good at giving emotional adivce - only academic. It didnt really make an impact on me.

I just cant talk to anyone. If i do or try to I clam up and screw up the convo and make it real awkward. *sigh* Me and my misguided attempts. I should just call woodbridge and ask them if they have a bed there to spare.

random thoughts

2005-08-06T19:47:00.000+08:00

Le Random Thoughts

#1: I love my friends. =)

#2: I love my brother. And my sister. And my family. Is it wrong to love my brother more than my sister? I'm going to miss them. I dont know what i would do without my daily hug and kiss from my brother.

#3: I like floppy hair. I really really really do. Oh. and it has to be curly too. It HAS to.

#4: I want to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and then go to Swenson's or Haagen-Daz and eat Chocolate Fondeau. And then i want to go home and dream about bathing in a chocolate waterfall.

#5: I like purple. I like black. I'm thankful that i have hands with which i can write.

#6: I realize im really lucky.

#7: I have a bloody effing headache. Bummer. Shouldnt have watched Hera Pheri again.

#8: I'm $375 richer. =)

#9: My mum is probably going to be angry with me when i go down late for dinner. I couldnt care less about that right now.

#10: I have 3 strands of white hair. On my head.

#11: I've lost weight even though I'm eating alot. Ive been getting headaches everyday. Am i sick? Am i going to fall really really ill?

#12: I want to sleep.

#13: My dad is really irritating sometimes. Especially when he talks nonsense. And does weird stuff.

#14: Im in love with my mp3 player. I like LG. =)

#15: Is everyone going to hate me in India? I hope not.

#16: I think I need therapy.

#17: My mum is effing irritating sometimes. Gahz.

2005-08-01T21:23:00.000+08:00

np. dance of envy - dil to pagal hai

got a new layout. but the peas on earth one will forever be my favourite. its bloody cute =) oh well. felt like a change though.

anw.

to all G12 ppl: i love u guys and there will be a huge gaping hole that cannot be filled by anybody but you guys when i leave. im really touched by everything *beamz* and i seriously appreciate the thought and effort put into it. That was really the highlight of my week (not that there's much competition). Thank you so very much.

i'm feeling a bit depressed. actually make that very depressed. even more so than usual. i cant get out of it. someone please reassure me that this is normal. maybe its coz ive been listening to sad hindi songs the whole day. or maybe its coz i didnt sleep the whole of last night coz i had nightmares which i don't remember. wtf. even my memory is dysfunctional.

maybe its coz im feeling woefully inadequate. i cant shake the feeling that i dont have what it takes to do what my parents want me to do with my future. everyday is spent having talks abt this very issue and to tell the truth, even if it was kind of interesting at first, im getting heartily sick of the subject. whenever the subject is mentioned i feel like screaming and running to my room and burying my head under my pillow, holding my breath until i absolutely need to breathe again.

somewhere in the back of my head a tiny little voice tells me that im not good enough, that whatever i do i wont be able to keep up and that now its too late to start something new. i cant shake it. ive tried. i really have. nothing works. it utterly defeats me that my parents expect so much of me and that i probably cant go through with it.

this probably isnt gonna help though, is it. people generally dont like talking about difficult or sensitive stuff. it just isnt done. not in this selfish world where no one cares about anyone but themselves. they might not show it out. but its true. and though its taken me a while to realize this, i have. and i dont like it. i really dont. i just want to go and hide in some corner and be forgotten. is that normal?

2005-07-24T09:52:00.000+08:00

actually i thought i'd do a quiz for this post but then too lazy to look for one. oh wellz. i really have nothing much to blog abt.

except for the fact that i have no idea what to put as my nick on msn messenger.

and that i have a job. haha. ok this is quite big news. (nobody needs to voice out how much they pity the owner/manager/co-workers/chefs etc.) its at this indian restaurant - Raj - at the Biopolis place near MOE. its been quite cool. im learning hindi!! from the chefs!! who cant speak more than hindi and a little english!! and as i'm mostly on kitchen duty, if i dont learn hindi im screwed!! or at least reduced to using crude sign language!! haha.

anw its been quite ok. =) and im a 150 dollars richer already (after working 1 week) MWAHAHAHA. so as im going to work for 4 weeks, i get 600 bucks!!! yay. the force is SO with me.

oh and harry potter and the HBP has such a screwy shit ending. im quite sad. teared a bit when reading the last part. kept expecting him to make a miraculous recovery in the last few pages. gahz. i officially dislike jk rowling (cant hate her coz she needs to write the 7th book first). grr. harry is so screwed in the 7th book. is he even going to go back to school? coz he said he was going to go out and look for the H********. oh well. but other than that, the book was GREAT. really enjoyed it. jk rowling is a GENIASS writer. i dunno which smiley to put: =) or =( lol.

oh and borrowed the pirated vcd of anniyan from one of the chefs at work. couldnt see much of it coz the cd was seriously scratched. so i dont know much abt the movie really. sherin, we're still on for watching it at my/your house right? coz i still dunno what happens in the end and alot of other stuff i missed. ok we have to hurry up. but i think its not that great. lots of plot holes. my dad started snoring half way. ok he wasnt snoring. but close.

oh yeah. I WANT TO WATCH CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!! gahz. johnny depp in action!! ok who wants to go?? i HAVE to watch it. HAVE to. oh btw, ive suddenly developed a disturbing desire to read all of Roald Dahl's books. gonna go pester my sis to borrow them from her friends. ok this is so pathetic. im like 17 and im reading books meant for 8 year olds. but nevertheless, to prevent my mum from finding out im fully gonna hide the books in my room. maybe in my wardrobe. hmm. the idea has merit. =)

so yeah. nothing much happening really. doubt the above has been even remotely interesting. but what the heck. i was bored. and tennis isnt until later in the afternoon. so i had to do SOMETHING.

oh and im going to get an mp3 player!! finally. but a small one. im gonna get a big one for my birthday!! mwahahahas. and dont think u guys can avoid giving me a birthday present coz im going to be back in singapore for my bday =) *beamz*

im gonna miss singapore. and all of u who have the time and patience to read/visit/tag my blog. i love u guys =) and will miss u muchos. we HAVE to keep in touch yeah? come on msn all the time. haha. if u get withdrawal sypmtoms from lack-of-aha (LOL) u can always talk to ure school counsellor. HAHA. ok that was quite funny if i say so myself =). ok it seems prolonged hibernation does not affect ure funny bone. wow.

ok now i shall depart, my faithful readers, from the world wide web and ponder over the intricacies of the world.

yeah right. but it was disturbingly fun writing that sentence. gahz. need to get out more and do more fun stuff. =

2005-07-08T21:35:00.000+08:00

i am so tired i have no energy to sleep.

seriously. its like when i lie down, i cant even close my eyes without having a constant headache. and i wake up like every hour (i know coz i have a cuckoo clock in my hse. and its cuckoos, which were cute at first, are driving the sane-ness out of me. its supremely irritating. NEVER buy a cuckoo clock). so sleep, my only solace for the past 16+ years, is gone, with a capital G.

bloody hell.

oh and roger federer won wimbledon = bloody effing hell. andy played really bad. at least he played worse than last year. last year he took a set off roger, and it might have gone on to 5 sets if not for the rain delay.

on a brighter note, venus beat lindsay to win =) ive come to realize that now the williams sisters dont rely much on strength but on accuracy and finesse..so i support them. at least, i support venus. not so much serena. hmm. dunno why. but justine will always be my fav player until she retires i suppose. i admire her for not grunting *beamz*

london won the bid to host the 2012 olympics. my parents and i support paris. gahz. all the hot frenchmen. but british men aren't that much off either. in terms of looks and accent anw. omg their accents are so kewl *smilez*

ok anw. nothing much really. here's a list of what i've done for the past 2 weeks since school reopened and i haven't been attending:

1) Shopped. my mum is not being very stingy and so im taking full advantage =)

2) Shopped some more. seriously. btw ive not discovered that i have a long hidden passion of shopping or anything. i just vehemently dislike window shopping. gahz. i must have an agenda. so sue me.

3) The IB course - surprisingly its very tiring, considering the fact that all we do is sit down, listen, take notes and do group work. we dont get up much except for a 20 min break during which half of the class sleeps, and practically everyone stays in the room = dunno why im so tired though - sleep like a pig every afternoon after i come back. my mum says its coz i watch too many hindi movies and coz i read fantasy (which she calls trashy) books non-stop.

btw. fantasy books are so not trashy. they're extremely interesting. especially those by TERRY BROOKS. Great Author. =) and David Gemmell is quite good too. but he's a bit R-rated though = haha. oh and those by Frank Herbert and his son/dad (havent figured out who's the son and who's the dad) are good too.

4) Visit to School. Was highly gratifying when many people, recognising my immense popularity, greeted me exuberantly. felt REALLY appreciated. mwahahahahhaha. ok so it was quite fun..catching up on all the stuff, though everyone is stressed man. maha was going on and on abt jumping off the building and thinking morbid thoughts while standing on the edge before jumping off. and i could practically feel the stress coming off some ppl. =) saw some non MT people from my class too. was good. *beamz*

5) Watched Hindi Movies!! i watched dil to pagal hai!! SHARUKH KHAN is BLOODY HOT. mwahahahahha. i like floppy hair =) i cant stand gelled/spiky hair. its so bloody unnatural. and i watched others too. watched hera pheri again =). laughed at all the jokes again even though ive watched it 2 times before. im such a sucker for lame/old jokes. and i watched the hindi movie they showed on central last sunday. it was extremely good. was on the edge of my seat, esp when nasruddin shah's character escapes from the prison =). cried a bit too. ok im such a sucker for emotional scenes. have i mentioned i used a WHOLE PACKET of tissues while watching black?? haha..fyi, black is a hindi movie.

6) Sat and bummed around at home like a bloody loser with no life (nobody needs to voice their opinion on how true this is. thx).

7) ATE CHOCOLATE FONDEAU!!!!!!!

8) developed a craving for coco krispies. i like the way its so chewy when its been soaked in milk for a while. fyi, coco krispies is a cereal.

9) Played some VIOLENT chess with my bro. involving a bunch of over-excited pawns who completely defied ALL the rules and an over-zealous king who managed to jump all the way from one side of the board to another in 1 move. haha. chess with my brother is so bloody fun its amazing =)

10) Wasted electricity (mum's contribution) by watching late night shows, like boston public, one tree hill (i like james lafferty. his forehead wrinkles are so cute), friends, desperate housewives, and practically every other show on Star World. Oh yeah, the comedy shows on BBC too: tonight with jay leno and saturday night live. Oh and the Oprah Winfrey Show. Ok. i think ive been watching too much tv. but as i tell my mum continuosly, its the people who make the show survivor who are at fault. if they had been faster in making the next series, i would be watching that all the time instead of sth else. so its really not my fault. its theirs. really.

ok thats abt it. i have to go do the project now. =)

2005-07-01T19:15:00.000+08:00

MARIA SHARAPOVA IS OUT!!! bloody hell..there is some good in the world =) *beamz widely from ear to ear* and guess who beat her?? VENUS WILLIAMS!! full credit to venus, coz she was injured. and because maria sharapova has an ego the size of roger federer's nose (aka her ego is bloody big coz federer's nose is big fyi). mwahahaha. im not so depressed anymore. at least someone o-k will win the women's title. probably either venus (please) or lindsay davenport (who is too old and should be at home, married and wearing maternity clothes. but still, anything is better than sharapova). YAY!!!

ok and this is a special request by chitra: she wants to inform the general public, who have had the patience to not skip this paragraph once they read the word starting with c, ending with a, and has "hitr" in between (tee hee) that there is a cute guy, who is in NS and who is a pilot (therefore allowing us to assume that he has a hot bod and toned limbs) living in the block opposite to her. she also wants to state publicly that he is extremely HOT HOT HOT (quoted from her) and that the chances of him and her ever getting together is probably NIL as he probably (almost certainly) has a girlfriend [thats my input btw].

haha. satisfied chitra??? LOL

oh well. sorry for the incoherent post i updated abt wimbledon. i was bloody angry at my mum and was taking it out on wimbledon. = ok that sounds weird. really. weird. hmm..maybe i need to go for therapy.

anw. my mum is being bloody unreasonable. SHE WANTS ME TO STUDY FOR GODS' SAKE!! like WTF?? i just want to go out tmr with priya and ninny after almost 4 months and she wants me to wake up early tmr at like 6 a.m. (an extremely ungodly hour. oh god. im going to have bloody huge eyebags) and study!!! she is being unreasonable!!! somebody pls save me before i resort to taking alison's advice and call the mental hospital to find out whether there's a bed available for me.

gah. im not going to waste time talking abt my mum when i could be talking abt other stuff. esp since there is something SERIOUSLY WRONG with my deranged computer. its having mood swings goddamnit!! i think its coz i uploaded abt 200+ pictures and downloaded abt 100+ hindi movie songs (but they're so nice!! esp the one hrithik roshan danced to in koi mil gaya. the one in the disco when he was trying to win preity over by his superior dancing abilities). so my com is continuously hanging. and there is sth wrong with my msn msgr. some of my contacts are disappearing!! and my favourites are GONE!! im so dead. ive got nothing to do online at all.

ok reality check. my mum isnt even letting me come online much anymore. im doing this on the sly, when she's distracted with cooking. told her i was looking for information on business and management. im thinking of taking that subject instead of econs. any suggestions would be appreciated =) business and mgmt is like the smaller version of MBA (masters of business administration)

ok better hurry up and talk abt relevant things. went out with alison and soks today. didnt realize i miss them quite alot til like during lunch when soks spilt cheese all over the table and all the slimy cheese slithered off my pizza and alison was laughing at us and poking fun at me. =) im really gonna miss u guys alot. that doesnt make me feel better. now my only advantage of going to bangalore, which is being able to NOT STUDY, is being cruelly wrenched away by my over-tyrannous mum.

gahz. anw.

then we walked all over the place, debated on whether to watch a movie, decided not to, went to OG, tried on practically all the shoes and dumped most of them all over the place (at least i did), walked through city link, got soks CDs at HMV (spent abt half an hour there. suspect thats why we didnt have time to do other stuff and got rushed in the end) got my pencil box (which is really big, cool, black and a pencil box embodiment of me. plus im really happy that ive finally got a pencil box that can hold all my stationery. mostly before this, i used to chuck my rulers and my eraser and my stapler in my bag and i had to fish them out everytime i wanted to use them =).

ok where was i..oh yes, got my pencil box, went to carrefour, got alison's health thingy after walking all over the place AGAIN, and then we went home =) even though it was tiring, it was pretty fun and i most certainly want to do something like that again before i leave. *beamz*

now if only my mum will let me.

ok shit. speak of the devil. guess who's here...gotta run if i want to watch wimbledon men's semifinals later!! lleyton vs federer and andy vs thomas johansson. =) ok bye ppl!!

p.s. sam: im gonna miss u too dude =) must keep in touch okay!! through email or sth.. i can be ure penpal!! so cool =) LOVE U!!! ( in the purely platonic sense of course) and i wish we hadn't changed classes =

2005-06-30T22:02:00.000+08:00

ok so i just realized boredom = increased blogging. hmmm.

on to more coherent things..wimbledon is so not going as i wanted it to..all the wrong people like roger federer and maria sharapova (who btw seriously does not need gold-carat shoes..i mean all the other sports people are managing perfectly fine without gold on their shoes..what is she? BLOODY SPECIAL?? I DONT EFFING THINK SO!!!) are still in the tournament and justine henin-hardenne is OUT!! *wails* and so is marat safin =( what is wrong with this world?? it always seems as though every sports person i support always always loses. and u know what..roger federer is almost certainly gonna beat lleyton black and blue and then andy is gonna be beaten in the final by roger federer. why so much media coverage? i dont get it. why isnt the majority of the tennis-watching public pissed at the guy with the big nose aka federer? ok wait i know!! because the majority of the tennis-watching public does not have a nose fetish like i do!!

ok now im gonna end this post before i get more zany and also coz my com is seriously deranged. i had to type this entry 3 times coz the browser keeps refreshing. my first entry was like a bloody essay. effing internet explorer and effing bill gates =(

2005-06-29T09:33:00.000+08:00

sometimes, i dont even know why i bother. im just naturally nice to people and they make use of my niceness and interpret it as naivety. oh well. don't really want to waste time thinking about it. we're all just going to die anyway.

2005-06-22T20:48:00.000+08:00

lots of stuff to say. no words to express them though. info tech is not all its hyped up to be. i mean, lately ive got this feeling that msn messenger, blogs, email, heck even handphones are an utter waste of time. i really dont know why. and i cant shake this feeling u know. its kind of amazing considering how dependant i was on my hp and on msn for the 1st 6 months. maybe it has to do with my complete lack of ability to have continued relationships with most people.

oh what the heck am i crapping abt?? there's no link between the 2. sometimes i just think that im just a big old ball of absolute CRAP. (ok nobody needs to agree with this and post an infuriating msg on my tagboard voicing their agreement)

oh there's something else i cant shake off. sometimes i get this WAY depressing feeling that im useless and untalented. that im of no use to anyone else as well as to myself. that im just. there. not doing anything useful. that even if i disappear from the face of this earth, nothing would change. life would still go on. trees would still grow. the sky will still be blue. the earth will still go around the sun. nothing would change. and then i feel so small and insignificant. like there's no use that i stay on this earth or associate with people or do anything with my life really. we're all just gonna die anyway; what's the use of complicating life and actually doing something with it.

i know that im rambling and that im talking utter utter nonsense, and this will seem totally insignificant compared to what most of you guys are experiencing right now (esp my fellow J-oners), but i just had to say what i said above. even though it might probably make no sense. ok it doesnt make sense at all. surprisingly it was quite difficult for me to come up with all that. took me like half an hour. *gasps*

there are a few possible reasons why im doing this:

1) ive just finally gone off my rocker. (this means that ive gone mad btw)

2) i need coffee because im suffering from sleep deprivation

3) i need to break my vow of abstinence from alcohol and just hit a shot right now (hit a shot = drink a whole bottle of whiskey)

4) im reading too many sci fi or fantasy books where there are alot of heroes who succeded in great great things even when the odds were highly against them and who achieved alot in life. and they got to be very famous and well-liked and had a very very happy and satisfying life. plus they get to be good at killing evil things, saving the world, rescuing evil damsels in distress and just generally being in the exactly right place at the exactly right time. (ok i just finished reading 2 terry brooks novels fyi)

5) im suffering from lack of studying. (i seriously doubt this)

6) im thinking too much about vaguely unimportant things as i have too much free time (because of reason no.5) - i doubt this one too

7) im trying to sound intellectual on my blog instead of my normal, un-intellectual self.

8) ive gone out with my mum for 3 days in a row. (1 day is enough to drive me mad fyi)

9) im just bored. and someone refuses to talk to me on msn messenger and i refuse to swallow my (bloody huge) ego and start the conversation. so im pathetically..ok im not gonna inform the general public abt the pathetic things i do when im online on msn. [I THINK THIS IS THE REASON!!!]

oh well. the vagaries of the human mind are distressingly, yet intriguingly complex.

ok apart from that nothing much. just getting ready for august i suppose. the only good thing abt me leaving in august is that my mum is going completely berserk and letting me buy many many things she's not even considered or brushed aside before. mwahaha. im getting new sneakers!! and not the 40 bucks ones that my mum used to get for me in the most godawful colours. *more mwahaha-ing*

ok now i have to go and eat my mum's -ack- bruschetta bread with tomatoes. i hate raw tomatoes. i hope the bread's not burnt. ive been majorly PIGGING out these holidays. too bad my mum threw out the weighing scale. =(

needles and blood =(

2005-06-17T13:23:00.000+08:00

just had 2 jabs. (EGAD) due to my mum's over-paranoia that bangalore will be mosquito infested , hygienically challenged and un-sanitary. she had the doctor give me an anti-typhoid jab in my left arm (even though he said that it was unlikely i would get typhoid since im going to the CITY not some weird ulu-ated village or sth), and a hepatitis A jab in my right arm (even though he said that hepatitis A is very rare and happens only in places like Africa etc etc and plus its not fatal). PLUS she made him take a blood sample to test for my blood group and WBC count -GAHZ- the form said it was OPTIONAL.

now i know where i got my paranoid feelings from =|

i feel like a bloody pincushion and i cant move my right arm properly. *rantsrantsrantsrantsrants*

2005-06-12T11:41:00.000+08:00

ok since im such a nice person *beamz* im gonna be nice to sherin and do this quiz since she *begged* me to (hee hee)..

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. Ahalya 2. Aha 3. Ahahahahahaha

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:1. tamil really sucks. argh. 2. I watched STAR WARS!!! *happy daze* 3. depressed

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:1. My dimple 2. My fingers and toes 3. My nose

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DONT LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:1. My hair 2. My stomach =| 3. My overly-skinny legs

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:1. Indian (hindu) 2. Tamil 3. Brahmin

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:1.Heights 2. To be lonely. 3. Cockroaches and other despicable insects/creepy crawlies/snakes

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:1. Computer 2. Television 3. Soap and Shampoo (I like to bathe, esp in this goddamn freaking hot weather)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:1. Red Hawaiian Shorts =P (im being brutally honest here haha) 2. Specs 3. My black NC t-shirt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:1. BSB 2. Michael Jackson 3. Colonial Cousins (there are actually alot..keeps changing depending on my mood..same for the next question)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:1. Any hindi song by A.R.Rehman esp those in Taal
2. Any Clay Aiken song 3. Any song lah (sorry im very indecisive)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:1. Trust 2. Love 3. Loyalty

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order): 1. I am hot and sticky. 2. I am majorly depressed. 3. I really love my brother and my sister.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU: 1. Nose 2. Height and body build 3. Eyes

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:1. Meeting up with friends/Talking to them etc.
2. Cycling 3. Watching TV/Using Computer

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: 1. GO AND BATHE
2. Watch Hotel Rwanda 3. Go play tennis

THREE CAREERS YOURE CONSIDERING/YOUVE CONSIDERED:1. Neurologist
.2. Veterinarian 3. Newscaster/Marketing Executive

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:1. Africa 2. Goa 3. North India

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:1. Ashwin 2. Shilpa 3. Ahalya (muahaha..saves me the trouble of thinking)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:1. Travel all over the world
2. Do skydiving/bungee jumping 3. Drive a Ferrari =P

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:1. I dont like to shop 2. I enjoy playing sports (like TENNIS and CRICKET) 3. I have short hair.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:1. I dont mind wearing skirts
2. I am attracted to the opposite sex (duh) 3. haha..i like to gossip =)

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:1. Keanu Reeves 2. Eric Bana 3. Marat Safin

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:Aiyo, all the people who read this.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to business ppl...haha..IM BACK!!! (for those of u who dunno i was in bali for the past week) haha..Bali was so damn fun lah..lots of fun in the sun..got to do snorkelling, parasailing, jet skiing, banana boating etc (yay!!!) it was bloody fun =) even though i became a few shades darker despite the use of 2 whole bottles of sunblock =| there is something very very wrong with my skin. haha..and oh there is an ABUNDANCE of eye candy down there. so many that u cant really differentiate between them which is slightly disturbing but wad-da-heck y'know. i just enjoyed it while i could *beamz* haha..

anw so that takes care of the past week..ermm OH YES!!! I WATCHED STAR WARS LAST LAST WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!! *faints with excitement despite the 2 weeks that have passed since then* it was so bloody cool and i dont care that many ppl think the movie is crap. for me, it was waaay cool and utterly funky. and hayden made up for any holes in the plot (i happen to think there are no holes in the plot, except for the fact that i dont understand how hayden could have turned so bloody freaking fast to the dark side. i dont think that whatever influences shown in the movie were enough to do that but maybe thats just coz im in denial that he ever did turn to the dark side =|) oh well...it was a real cinematic experience. plus i got to see ms. m.v. shrooz and (finally) give her her birthday present. =) muahaha. so it was fun lah =) and the fighting was cool. waaay cool. *beamz*

quite sad though that i wasnt able to make it for the class outing last monday =(...really miss 05ASStwelve lots...=|

oh yes..did i mention that i dont need to take the common tests?? muahaha..=) *beamz* but u know, im not as happy as i feel i should be coz august looks alot closer from now than it did from the beginning of the holidays. and i really dunno what to feel/think right now. there's so much stuff to do (as my mum is constantly reminding/nagging me) and there are so many ppl i want to meet up with. and i thought there would be more than enough time, but there just isnt. and im really confused. and i dont like this feeling. and i just realized a few days ago that i wont be seeing all the ppl i love for a long time after august. i wont be able to see my brother. or my sister. =|

im trying my goddamn best to NOT think of august at all..but its not working. it takes quite a bit of effort to remain perky and cheerful at home coz i dont really want my mum to know what im thinking. coz then she'll start on about how i should think of my future and not of the ppl i associate with now, coz thats not gonna help me in the long-term. i dont like hearing that. but i wouldnt like to inform my mother coz then she'll freak and god knows what will happen *sigh*

egad. blogging seems to be depressing me rather than cheering me up and making me feel better.

aw shucks.

p.s. now i can go take my bath =)

2005-05-30T18:50:00.000+08:00

ok the past few days have been QUITE eventful..alot of stuff happening..in school, at home, with friends..

but im ok with it u know..coz whenever i feel that there's too much to do and that im going to spontaneously combust soon..someone comes and starts complaining about his/her much MORE hectic life and then i start feeling a little better *sadistic grin*

muahaha.

ok so lets see..last friday = IL night which was mostly a success on our part..the turnout wasnt so good but the DRAMA ROCKED..congrats to riya, kaamini, karunan and mubarak (even though only 1 of them are likely to read this post..haha) for acting bloody well..oh and referring to riya's blog post..ure acting was really good ok and u played the part perfectly =) everyone said so and everyone was complimenting u..believe me *beamz* ok and as expected i forgot the steps for my dance but nvm u know..coz everyone was distracted by maha and TP's great dancing abilities so i didnt feel stupid or dumb or anything..and i had LOADS OF FUN.. so it was great..

oh and practically the whole of IL fell in love with my brother..muahaha..can see he takes after me =) yes i know..start throwing flowers all around me *beamz* tee hee.

so then afterwards i went out with the rest of the IL crew to KAP and we had a great time throwing fries at one another *ahem* and showing off the brilliant IL family tree..brainchild of ures truly *beamz* haha..and gossiping (DUH..what IL gathering is complete without gossip..haha)..had lots and lots of fun..even though my phone got confiscated later.

yes..u read the last line correctly..my phone got bloody confiscated by my parents..but u know what..even though i was seriously angry on saturday..im kind of OK with it now..coz there are so many other ways of communicating..seriously..like chat..im spending extended amounts of time online now (haha..its either one or the other lah..cannot deprive me of both if not i'll go mad because of lack of communication with friends) and the HOUSE PHONE..haha..ive just fully realised the potential of not having a hand phone..coz it leads to me using the house phone alot and racking up the bill and then this will ultimately result in my phone coming BACK TO ME!!!

muahaha. once again i prove my genius-ness. *cue evil laughter*

anyway..saturday was spent in a haze of gloominess (reason is very evident) and then sunday was TENNIS DAY..quite fun =) ok then today was great too..went out with sherinah and chitra to watch madagascar (shhh..my mum doesnt know if not she wont let me watch star wars on wednesday..hee) and then walked around, ate lunch, took neoprints, GOSSIPED (tee hee)..the movie was quite funny lah..the king lemur and the penguins are bloody funny *beamz* the theatre was full of kids though so the ambience wasnt there man..but we had a great time even though half the popcorn fell out of a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box =| GAH. and i spent 20 bucks. GOD. i am going to be bankrupt very very soon. coz my mum refuses to give me pocket money again til i clear up my table. grrrrrrrrrrr.

right now, i refuse to think about after june holidays because whenever i do i feel depressed and i wonder why i couldnt just refuse to go and just stay here coz so much good stuff is happening in my life..i really couldnt ask for more. seriously. i mean compared to certain ppl's problems in their lives..my life is really quite peachy u know..but only comparitively. i still feel quite depressed at times.

like when i see ppl using their bloody cool handphones on the bus/mrt/public places.

gah.

2005-05-22T16:45:00.000+08:00

ummm.

errrr.

life is so complicated. there are so many things (more negative than positive) going on that i dont know where to start. and whenever i feel like crap...WHAM...sth else negative comes along and makes me feel more crappy. and then some.

maybe its just paranoia. maybe its just me deluding myself. but maybe im like the lucklesses on the amanda show...i have no luck. no fortune. no nothing. and that sucks. it really does.

coz when everyone expects you to be happy, satisfied, not lonely and emotionally well...and ure not..that really sucks. it does. take it from me. i'd rather have started out as a person who's not all of the above so people dont expect me to be everything im not. and its not like i can tell them im not coz then they'll think im weird and then..oh well..its a vicious cycle of emotional instability and mental disorderliness.

oh and have i mentioned that going to a co-ed school after 4 years of a single sex one really sucks. its bad for ure health and really drains you mentally and physically. *incoherent sound of protest*

ok and i officially hate econs (i flunked the test majorly. i just repeated the same point 4 times in 4 different paragraphs. i should have handed it in for GP = full marks for paraphrasing) and chemistry (SPA = major disaster with horrible consequences such as mental paranoia, anguish and banging-head-against-wall syndrome) and math (what is he talking about again? no. really. WHAT??). physics is the only interesting subject.

oh and why doesnt the government focus more on training the teachers instead of torturing us by implementing such a rigorous study regime? HELLO its so freaking logical. if the lecturers make sense, the students are happy. if the students are happy the tutors are happy coz then they can slack more (which is what they happen to do best nowadays..its always come to class, discuss questions with the more intelligent humanoid like beings in the front row, and then leave to go eat/drink/go to the toilet or whatever teachers do in their free time). if the tutors are happy everyone is happy. ITS SO OBVIOUS. take out the root cause and voila - problem solved.

sometimes i just feel like giving up everything and sitting down somewhere quiet and think about nothing in particular. maybe thinking about the future, or contemplating past events or just NOTHING. that would be total bliss. i wish there weren't sucky things to handle like relationships, studies, parents' overbearing concerns...u get the idea.

and i wish i could just flick a switch and end the cacophony of voices in my head...and those around me as well.

yep thats all i have to say.

2005-05-15T11:02:00.000+08:00

ok haha..i koped this from riya's blog *beamz*

[spell your name back wards]
aylaha. i somehow prefer it forwards though -.-

[the story behind your email address]
ermm..i just copied my mum's format..ive had it since...like pri 6 i think. what can i say..im a creature of habit..Lol.

[favourite shirt]
ermmm..none in particular..seeing as i dont go shopping much and most of my clothes are like the cheap cheap ones i buy out of necessity. but i do like all my black shirts =) and i like wearing skirts nowadays too since its so insanely hot.

[piercing]
none. i dont believe in body piercing.

[hair]
black and will always be black unless i go through a manic phase or sth..like that time in sec 4 when i really really really wanted to streak it purple. =|

[makeup]
nopez. none for me..unless i start wearing contacts..then i'll need to cover my hideous eyebags. *sigh* sometimes i really wish i was a guy..then i wont need to spend like thousands of hours worrying abt how i look..not that i do..but still...

[something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]
STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS. oh and harry potter book no. 6 AND getting at least 8++ hours of sleep every night during the june holidays!! haha..

[something that you are deathly afraid of?]
dying, heights, cockroaches, snakes, creepy crawlies, those huge flies that buzz into the house at night =(

[do you believe in love]
yeah =)

[do you believe in forgiveness]
yeah, but forgetting is hard though.

[where are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to]
USA, paris, new zealand (this place is so scenic *beamz*)

[favorite pig out foods?]
chocolate fondeau!!! and chocolate fudge cake!! and cornettos!!! and cookies and cream ice cream!! and mocha chip ice cream!! ANY ICE CREAM!!! haha

[is there something you wish you could understand better]
my chemistry notes. and my math summation notes. and also why we have to go through this torturous A level syllabus and also why these stupid idiotic geniuses have to come up with so many formulas. =( oh and why i cant do magic. also why i have to make choices.

[best qualities]
happy, fun, cheerful, good-natured

[worst qualities]
paranoid, naive, blur, lazy, dont exercise enough..hmmm..

[what makes me happy]
CHOCOLATE!! and ice cream!! hanging out with friends (NJ peeps rock!!) and playing 'tiger, tiger' with my brother!! and 'disco dancing' with my family at home (HAHAHAHA)!!! taking photos!!

[what upsets me]
backstabbers. bitches. my parents' rigidness and their habit of making mountains out of molehills. when close friends of mine drift away from me.

YES OR NO?

[you cook]
yes!!! haha..

[you have a secret you have not shared with anyone]
yeah. as of now yes. haha..but most prob it will be divulged in the near future..dunno whether that's a good thing or not =|

LAST..

[song you listened to]
Lonely by Akon..it just gets STUCK in my head and refuses to budge. but its damn cute =)

[person you've called]
ermm...ok my mum =|

[person that's called you]
ally!!

[person u sms]
sherinah

[person whom instant msged you]
last time i went online was like 3 days ago i think..most prob it was trisha or malz or sth...

[thing you were thinking about]
ermmm..u dont wanna know. really =| im not sure i want to admit it to myself in the 1st place...

DO..

[you think about suicide]
NOPEZ. im happy with my life the way it is *beamz*

[others find you attractive]
none that i know of...hmm..my brother does i think..does that count?? LOL.

[you drink]
not really. just water most of the time. and coke sometimes. milkshakes too.

[you like roller coasters]
not really..they're fun but i hate the aftermath..the part where i start hurling. =|

[you write in cursive or print]
both. when my hand gets tired its cursive. if not print.

[you carry a donor card]
nopez

HAVE YOU EVER...

[lied to someone]
yeah. mostly to authority. most of the time..i find i cant lie to friends..i start blushing or grinning..GAH.

[ever been in a fist fight]
no

[ever been arrested]
no. and i hope never to be.

WHAT..

[shampoo do you use]
herbal essence

WHO..

[makes you laugh the most]
all my friends really..priya, sok, sherinah, chitra, S12 ppl, etc etc etc.

[has a crush on you]
ermm..none that i know of.

WHEN WAS THE..

[last time you did something]
ermm..ok last time i bathed was last night at 12. last time i watched tv was last night. some stupid tamil serial that my parents were watching. last time i went out properly was like a month ago =| though last night at KAP with cerise, denise, leon and dev was DAMN FUN. haha..

[last time you were totally care free]
during first 3 months orientation..whopee..it was damn fun *Beamz*

[whats your favourite colour]
i have a few..black, white, purple, blue. and sometimes orange. when im feeling sad. as u can see im a bit indecisive.

[what are you planning to do tomorrow]
go for the IL dance rehearsal for which im dancing in the semi-classical (STUPID SHERINAH!! some others can dance so much better than me!!!) and the bhangra. haha..i hope its gonna be fun...

oh well..took damn long to type out everything coz i couldnt bear to leave some stuff out of the answers..everything i say is so impt that i can differentiate btw impt and trivial stuff..LOL..

anw..yesterday was damn fun. *beamz* made quite alot of profit. actually not alot but enough to cover the cost price and the overhead..WHOOPEE!! it wasnt a failure as some ppl were thinking and i think its great that we pulled it off..seeing as how dysfunctional and disorganized we were in the beginning..

and had a great time gossiping with sherinah and chitra and walking around the track and sitting on drains (sounds gross but was fun..haha)..we should do that again sometime..=)

and the kap thing was fun too =) saw sam, hui, wai, sui etc there too. they were sitting at the table next to us..haha..somebody's bday is coming eh..lol..anw so we played cards and then laughed quite a bit.. was quite fun =) haha..enjoyed myself alot yesterday *beamz*

ok i gtg bathe..if not my mum will come and yell at me AGAIN. gawd doesnt she EVER take a rest??? *pissed off look*

sigh

2005-05-08T20:11:00.000+08:00

ok i have never felt this tired in a long time..ever since sec 3 specialists camp =| which was mentally and physically exhausting..much of the exhaustion came from the travelling time..the place was quite far far away..and i had to take a cab every morning..coz if not the journey would take like 2 hours +.

wtf am i doing talking abt specialists camp?!?!

ok back to the present: im so frigging tired. and bored. did i mention tired?

i dont feel like ever getting out of bed..and i dread ALL my tutorials except physics (coz i mostly copy the answers or try but dunno how to do) coz i never do my homework and i get this guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach coz i know that if i stay this way i'll most probably end up failing my promos (if i take them that is). and that would be a bitter pill to swallow especially my parents who think im some genius child =|.

well im not u know. im just an average person (unlike some IRRITATING people in my class who persist in doing all their homework on time and snigger at me when i say i tried but couldnt do some hw coz they dont believe me) who has no time to do anything unless i start wearing nerd glasses and knee socks and never come out of my study room and stay glued to my chair and buy like 10 refils a day or something. i dont want to end up like that. so sue me. hmph.

this feeling sucks. the fact that my conscience is still existent and prevalantly existent, mind you, in my body really sucks. whenever i skip doing my homework there's this nagging thought, or rather these nagging thoughts, that refuses to go away: ure exams!! u have to study!! u have to at least pass!! ure parents are expecting 4 A's!! u have to study or at least do ure homework if not ure gonna fail miserably!! and the thought that my parents will probably disown me if i dont do well, while extremely unpleasant, keeps flashing in my head. =|

im turning into a droid...seriously..and the fact that im not developing a good rapport with my classmates is really getting on my nerves..i dunno why..i try to tell myself that i have perfectly excellent friends outside of my class and that i actually have a life and that im not a boring old nerd who lives to go home and study. i dont go out much and all that but im happy with that arrangement coz if i go out all the time my parents (especially my mum) will get pissed at me and i know that ultimately my parents are the ones who are going to support me all the way and be there whatever happens..so i cant afford to get my parents pissed at me. And my family rocks =) seriously. my siblings are the best brother and sister pair in the world. *beamz*

but it just gets on my nerves. oh wellz..must try and get over it =|. i know im not going to like break down from work exhaustion in school or start yelling at people coz ive gone through times like these before and i can and will put up a facade like usual. it works like a charm..works too well sometimes =|

oh wellz. just in case u ppl forgot: 19th MAY: STAR WARS!!! anakin anakin anakin!! hayden hayden hayden!! ewan ewan ewan!! oh and not to forget..hp book no. 6 is coming out in june!!

ok haha..im done with my emotional outburst..back to school tmr..the last thing i want to do right now is wake up in the wee hours of the morning and go to school but isnt it sad?? i know that is exactly what im going to do tomorrow. =( *majorly depressed look*

surveys!! =P

2005-05-02T17:09:00.000+08:00

ok so i spent the whole day (ok maybe just an hour) doing stupid surveys on www.blogthings.com (further proof that i have no life =|) and since i don't want my time to go waste i am pasting a few results here (the others are too embarrassing and mortifying).

1) My brain's gender: results are quite weird coz apparently i have a healthy mix of male and female (the male part is higher!!! =|) but i get along much MUCH better with girls than with guys. hmm..

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

2) Ok this next one is really really dumb and stupid. I am NOT SNARKY!! It takes alot for me to even get angry =| Im putting it here to highlight the inane stupidity of online quizzes.

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of.
And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

3) Ok if ure getting bored: good news!! 2nd last one =) lol. anw i dunno what to think about this..im pasting it here coz i had no idea there were more flavours of pocky than chocolate and strawberry...*enlightenment*

You Are Banana Pocky

Your attitude: fun and lighthearted
Unique and unforgettable

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

4) LAST ONE!! and most accurate too!! i swear the results weren't like doctored or sth..its so amazingly unbelievable true!! haha..but its like one in a million..usually surveys are extremely inaccurate..at least for me coz i think something different everytime and never remember my answers =|

Your True Birth Month Is December

Logical

Patriotic

Ambitious

Not egoistic

Loves praise

Loves to joke

Fun to be with

Not pretending

Loves attention

Short tempered

Hates restrictions

Loves to socialize

Loves to be loved

Loyal and generous

Impatient and hasty

Changing personality

Good sense of humor

Honest and trustworthy

Influential in organizations

Takes high pride in oneself

Active in games and interactions

What's Your True Birth Month?

Ok haha..im done with surveys =P nothing much has been happening..
oh: HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY SHROOZ!! YOU ROCK MY SOCKS!!!

and thanks to priya, sok, dhiviya, sruthi, neeti (hugz right back atcha =P), Sherinah, aranel and samz for leaving such nice messages *beamz* i love u guys..and im fully over my depression rite now..for the time being. haha..im a teenager with oestrogen in my blood after all. ok that sounded weird...hmm..

anw i have to go now..my mum is breathing down my neck and glaring at me from the other room (i can feel the power of her glare through the wall) for 'frittering' my time away coz i wanted to spend like half an hour on the com instead of studying...OH I FINISHED MY PI!!! muahaha..the force is so with me =). oh that reminds me..STAR WARS IS IN LESS THAN HALF A MONTH!!! I CAN SEE ANAKIN ON A BIG SCREEN AGAIN!!!

i think when i watch the movie i'll probably cry though..coz im quite sad after watching the trailer where anakin is killing all the other jedis =(. oh well..but the rest of the movie + the HP book 6 coming out in june will more than make up for it *beamz* oh and of course the FRENCH OPEN (MARAT!! MARAT!! MARAT!! event though he's not that good on clay..) will help too *grinz*

ok i must go and do econs essay outlines..til next time then =)

muahaha.

chocolate cake with a dash of vanilla ice-cream. yum.

2005-04-17T21:12:00.000+08:00

argh shit. my vow to abstain from chocolate was once again broken for the 100000000th time. but it was sooo yummy i felt like taking a photo of it before eating it. i almost didnt feel like stabbing my fork in it to actually tear it apart in sticky little sin-nishly cute blobs and masticate (learnt this word while doing vocab exercises for GP. so fun.) it in my mouth. Almost.

Oh well. Im already so mentally anguished this isnt really going to affect me much i guess =|. I dunno whether to feel happy or sad about that...hmm.

Ok this post is a bit screwy coz i didnt have enough time to finish it..so the 1st 2 paras are yesterday's and everything else is today's. Lol. I'm not exactly sure why this is important.....-.-

Anw. So school is kind of looking up. I mean apart from my class. We haven't really bonded much..i mean my class and me. They've bonded btw themselves i guess but the only times (so far) that i have fun with them are during the times i play bridge. Oh well. I'm getting used to going to lessons with my class and skipping away to eat lunch with SH's class. And then playing bridge during our class free periods when i should be diligently studying.

Ok. so now since i have reminded myself about studying..i shall rant about it a bit more so u, my dear readers, can get a clearer picture concerning my trauma and mental anguish.

I NEED HELP. SERIOUS HELP. I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT IN MATHS AND THATS MY FAVOURITE SUBJECT. AND PHYSICS IS JUST BEYOND ME DUE TO MY TUTOR AND LECTURER MAKING THE SAME AMT OF SENSE..WHICH IS NONE IN THE 1ST PLACE. OH AND HAVE I MENTIONED CHEMISTRY?? A SUBJECT IN WHICH I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT HALF THE TIME?? AND OF COURSE ECONS. WHICH IS JUST BEYOND ME. I CANT EVEN DO THE FRIGGING TUTORIALS WITHOUT REFERRING TO MY LECTURE NOTES. I MIGHT AS WELL GO AND JOIN ITE OR A SPECIAL SCHOOL FOR THE MENTALLY DISABLED OR SOMETHING.

ok im done with my rant.

but u know..ranting online isnt as satisfying as actually complaining to a real live person. coz it doesnt respond u know..and half the time ppl who tag don't even talk about what i post so i cant like discuss it. and in school, since im a nice person, i cant just go up to a random person and rant at him/her or start snapping at everyone in class or yelling myself hoarse in the canteen or sth. coz normal happy people dont do that. and i would so like to be normal and happy.

or at least thought of by others as normal and happy. =|

oh and he is ignoring me =| (sad face). and he likes someone else. a few other someones in fact. and its so discouraging going to a school filled with thin (not fat) and good-looking girls. oh well.

oh one more thing. i really dont know what i would do if SH wasnt there. or if sherinah wasnt there. or if chitra wasnt there. or if everyone i am close to outside my class wasnt there. thanks u guys.

haha its like im writing my farewell message. =|

2005-04-09T19:37:00.000+08:00

i am full of pent-up frustration.

everytime i try to step into the computer room to have a little privacy (which seems unattainable in this house) so that i can actually blog somebody comes in and says: Ahalya! Come and see this! (from ashwin/shilpa)..or Ahalya! Come eat your food! (from my mum) or..Ahalya! Let's do Economics! (from my dad..who for some reason is very excited that i am doing economics. His excitement has not abated over the last 3 months. I wonder when it will.)

Lol. My home life is so entertaining. Ok well. Not really. More like weird and crazy and disorganised and noisy and irritating.

But its a whole lot of fun compared to my school life. Which apart from some occasional perks is completely DEVOID of fun. The only moments of fun come from during lunch/common breaks/at the grandstand b4 school/gp lessons/trips to the bookshop when I'm sitting around and crapping with SH and her classmates or brief glimpses of you-know-who or bitching/gossiping with cricket mates. Oh and also when i play bridge with my class ppl.

But other than all that stuff its very very very very monotonous, dull and boring.

Lessons suck.

Summation Sucks (or maybe this is because i sat down to do the summation tutorial wksht this afternoon..and DID NOT EVEN GET 1 QUESTION RIGHT)

Chemistry Sucks.

Everything Sucks.

Lecturers Suck (majorly..esp chem. Though i manage to keep myself awake by watching the lecturer's mouth moving..it contorts into weird shapes.)

Have i mentioned everything sucks?

I dunno. Ever since after Orientation 2 (ogls rock! haha..had so much fun @ dance party!! Saw Priya..who refused to dance. I was the one dancing like a maniac when i can't even dance properly in the 1st place. Bet her friends thought i was nuts. Why do ppl always get the 1st impression that im nuts?) ended school life has taken a definite downturn.

Plus my morale is in the dumps coz i learnt somemore about you-know-who's feelings towards others. =| I am such a slave to my lust. OK. maybe not lust. Just err...hormones. Or sth. NOT LUST.

Ok so right now the only thing i like about my life is my blog template. Its so cute =).

Oh and cricket as well coz the team really rocks and all of us feel the same way about the guys' ridiculous behaviour. Why do they hate us so much? =(

Ok i have to go and eat now. Oh that reminds me I have to stop eating chocolate again. Im putting on weight =(. Why can't I have a high metabolic rate that will allow me to have a diet of roti prata everyday???? WHY?

crap

2005-03-27T13:06:00.000+08:00

i am depressed. again.

why am i always depressed when i blog? and whats worse...i don't really know why im depressed. it could be one of the following reasons:

1) Everyone seems depressed. I think its 1st intake blues. Changing classes and shit. Its rubbing off on me *wail*. ok maybe not everyone..just the people i talk to on a regular basis. but thats enough!! i am very easily influenced. i am a fragile creature stuck in this ruthless ecosystem in a man-eat-man world! i cannot help getting depressed as well.

(am i even making sense?)

2) I hate making choices. i just loathe picking one option over the other. oppurtunity cost and all that. why cant i just do both? why didnt the powers above create a perfect world where everyone was happy and where everyone could do exactly what they wanted, when they wanted, how they wanted without making choices when they didn't want to? i dont want to go away =(. neither do i want to pass off this brilliant oppurtunity. im scared, yet im excited. Leaving known territory and venturing into the forbidden depths of the unknown is scary, yet exhilarating. I want to do both. Yet, deep down, i know i can't - i know i have to choose one, and i have to make the decision quickly. I know its wrong to keep postponing it but yet i cant help it. i really really really really really do NOT want to make the choice and take the plunge.

[Priya i think u know what im referring to]

3) I'm just very tired. And the scary part about this is: its only the beginning of the year and i have less than 8 months to go for promos. I think its finally sinking in slowly that i have to study very hard - very very hard - in order to do well in JC, which sucks. i dont want to study. i want to go through the past 3 months with 05s12 all over again. i dont want school term to start proper. i want my class to remain unchanged. i wish certain people from my class weren't switching combination from PCME to sth else. i wish everyone from 05s12 was staying in NJC. i wish i could change our principal.

4) I want an ipod. The blue one. Or black (is there black?). Everyone has one.

5) India is playing very badly in cricket.

6) French Open hasn't started yet. i know it starts usually in May but still..no sport to watch on tv.

7) I wish everyone would stop talking about soccer and instead develop an unquenchable passion for tennis and/or cricket.

8) There is no 4th LOTR movie and Frodo has gone over the sea. Aragorn also dies in the appendix. =( he is such a hottie..all that stubble (refer to cassandra claire's very secret diaries - http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/) I have pasted the link here for a very good reason: U should go and read it. Please do not waste my effort. Thank you.

9) Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christiansen) turns into Darth Vader and kills all his fellow Jedis and drives Yoda and Obi-Wan(Ewan Mcgregor) into hiding. WHY??? WHY??? *shrieks and pulls out thinning hair from balding head*

10) I still haven't watched series of unfortunate events or hitch while everyone else who is cool or has at least $6.50 has.

11) I have no life. All i do is sit at home and re-read Dan Brown/Tolkien novels and re-watch LOTR movies.

12) I am suffering from pangs of unrequited love (ok this is just hormones talking but i had to put it in because it is true.)

Ok so i know this post is oozing self-pity but that is what i am feeling right now.

Wow. I had no idea my feelings were so complex. Imagine having 11 reasons for my depression.

Amazing. Whopee. Hurray.

2005-03-05T17:41:00.000+08:00

ok i realize i havent updated for like 2 weeks..so much stuff happened so i think i can only blog abt some stuff coz no time lah. my stomach acid is eating up my stomach walls = im hungry.

anyway the biggest news is: my o level results..all that worrying was actually needless. thank god it was..dunno what i would have done if it were actually needful..if u get my drift. haha..but its such a huge relief that now i can just look back on that period of time before we got that little pathetic piece of paper and laugh. or just maybe smile fondly. =)

and that piece of paper is really pathetic. really. pathetic. its so thin and transparent and folds very easily..plus its very small. i know the cert is supposed to come out only later and this is not the real thing but hello? why cant they just give us an A4 paper of good quality instead of some weird junky paper. it is our O level result slip. i mean..theoretically i could go and get a job with it right now.

not that im thinking of getting a job now..its just a thought. that these grades are important and sufficient enough for me to get a job with.

anw..so the big excitement is over =)..after that i went out with priya and nini and watched Ray, cried buckets and went home at 12. it was a whole lot of fun..been a long time since the 3 of us have gotten together again..didnt realize how much i missed all our crappy and lame comments til then. absence makes the heart grow fonder (eww..mush). but its true.

ok so what else...oh yes..i went for student council interview and goofed it up. fortunately they didnt think it was too much of a goof-up so i got picked to be an OGL. however...i am in the mass dance comm. (shriek the last 3 words and pull out clumps of hair). WHAT??? why am i, a person who has 2 left feet and who cant dance to save her life, in the mass dance comm?!?!?! why cant i be a behind-the-scenes person???

I AM GOING TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF IN FRONT OF ALL THE 2ND INTAKE PPL AND THEY ARE GOING TO POINT AT ME AND LAUGH AS IF I BELONG IN A CIRCUS OR A FREAK SHOW. as if life could get any worse..

actually apparently it can...

last friday i went for the moe overseas attachment program interview and that was an OMG freaking ass-shit !@##$*(Y$@*^ disaster. they just asked me 2 questions: what is ure research background and what is ure science background. and the interview lasted abt 2 minutes coz i have no research background. GOD. can they be more stupid and discriminating?

hello? if they only give these oppurtunities to ppl who have had scientific research experience..how are ppl like me supposed to get any? have they thought abt that? obviously not..or else they would've at least interviewed me for 5 mins instead of 2. an interview CANNOT last for only 2 minutes. that equals disaster. for the interviewee..which would be me.

=(

therefore i am officially depressed. what with potential embarrassment lurking around the corner and me failing both my interviews spectacularly...i am facing the rest of the week with apprehension. i have a feeling that my lack of good luck has gotten even worse. as in the level of my nearly non-existent good luck has gone down even lower on the good luck scale. if thats even possible.

i am so majorly depressed. nothing could cheer me up short of a sugar shot.

moe = sadistic

2005-02-24T17:52:00.000+08:00

so i have deliberated for quite a long time and come to this conclusion: MOE is a sadistic organisation devoted to denying students of their results until the very last minute. really..this is ridiculous..why cant they just tell us when our results are gonna be released like a week before instead of ONE f**king day before...i was so prepared for friday and now its on monday.

i am so pissed. ok maybe not pissed. just irritated. very irritated.

i guess its partially coz deep down im really really scared that im not gonna get good results...my prelims were good, true, but i have this gut feeling that i screwed up in all 3 of my sciences..which sucks big time. coz i dont really have many choices once i do worse than nj level.

i mean i dont wanna end up going to acjc..coz i really wont fit in..unless there's someone im already close to there..but really..life in acjc will be so sucky for me coz im really not artistically inclined. at all. and i dont wanna go to ajc coz its even more boring than nj. and thats saying something. not that nj is all that boring. its just that everybody mugs like all the time. wherever u go u see people studying. and most of them are not j2s. they're the crazy freakish 1st intake j1 students. but luckily there are other people who share my views on this topic =) thank god.

i cant consider any other jc coz firstly, my parents will be extremely unhappy with me. either that or the jc is too far from my house. like tj or vj is ok but its like practically on the other frigging side of the world. i would have to wake up at like 5 in the morning as opposed to 6.30 + like what im doing now. i mean..sleep is important y'know...esp when u have such big eyebags like i unfortunately do. u must take as much measures as possible to try and get rid of such a pertinent problem, that mars an otherwise good complexion. hee.

ok enough crapping. basically to sum up this whole post..im scared. im totally, utterly, completely, dead scared. and it scares me that my whole future hangs on and depends on this one examination which i mostly screwed up. why do i always screw up in major exams after doing well in the prelims. the same thing happened for psle. its so irritating. like i know i could've done better but i didnt. i wasted my chance to actually perform better than or equal to expectations that (mostly) my parents have of me. i mean..right now im scared more abt what my parents will say if i dont get good results.

all i can say is i hope they support me no matter what i get and i hope they dont think im stupid if i get bad results. and i also hope they dont judge me based on this one stupid examination which was screwed up to start with anyway.

ok wtv..this constant talking abt exam results is getting on my nerves. i am going to go take a nice long hot shower and contemplate abt the complex uncertainties of the future. adios. goodbye. au revoir.

ok i admit im feeling a little morbid so the tone of this post is quite down. oh well. even i cant be happy all the time. =)

crash. bang. kaboom.

2005-02-16T20:34:00.000+08:00

ok so after a long long time of intense deliberation, mind-numbing conversations and impossible dreams...the Deed is Done =)

i crashed rj today...haha it was so frigging cool..a major improvement (based solely on school building, facilities and CGs) over where i am currently..it is so unfair. their library is like the one in My Fair Lady - the one owned by Rex Harrison's character (i think its rex harrison...hmm..)

Anw so i basically went for like the econs lecture only and then lynn (our ever-gracious ex-vice HP) took us around the school and gave us a tour and tried to start us off on our quest (the whole CG thing)..and then we (i crashed with sruthi btw) went to the canteen and sat down there for like 2 hours i think..and we conversed abt very very interesting topics..Lol..

saw like 6 of my primary school mates..all guys and also one of my seniors from primary school..coz all the nerds in my pri school either ended up in RGS or RI or ACSI and then they inevitably are drawn towards RJ's extremely perfect population of hot ppl who are both smart and disgustingly fit..ugh. anw..none of them recognised me..which i take to be a good thing coz u do NOT wanna know what i looked like in primary school. trust me.

haha..so basically today was breaking-the-rules-and-living-a-little day..and of course it was also admiring-the-hot-bods-and-getting-increasingly-jealous day too..lol..and surprisingly we dint get caught. we were so obvious..we were walking around talking abt nj at the top of our voices and lynn was like practically announcing to everyone that we were crashing..lol..so that was funny. and it was great seeing other cedarians again...almost makes me look forward to next friday.

ALMOST being the key word of course.

oh yes...i just wanted to state publicly that i find keanu reeves unbearably sexy and painfully hot.

but that does not mean i am betraying marat safin..coz he's undoubtedly the cutest guy currently residing in this world right now. he's got the whole thang going man..plus the tennis thing is an added benefit..and it doesnt hurt that he's no.4 in the world right now..PLUS, the most impt thing..he does not have a GF and is NOT ATTACHED!!!

dont worry..i am not deluding myself abt the chances i have concerning him. but its certainly nice to dream. and think. and fantasize. and imagine. =)

haha so i have to go now..update again soon...def before next friday. 'ta =)

CNY holidays

2005-02-10T18:42:00.000+08:00

yay..CNY was so much fun..

ok correction: CNY holidays. NOT CNY celebrations..those sucked big time..like i didnt do anything in school..i just sat around watching my classmates play cards (too bad we had only 1 deck) and do some calligraphy or some shit..it was really really boring..and afterwards a certain someone (who prob wont read this anyway..lol) didnt tell me that the other cedarians were going to cedar..coz in the morning everyone didnt want to go..so i missed out...but anw the teachers weren't there and stuff..so i didnt miss out on much =)

anw back to CNY holidays: SO FUN *go totally out of character and squeal*

ytd had the get together with the others..it was quite fun even though a lot of ppl were missing (unfortunately) and i was pretty tired (i really dunno why coz i slept for like 3 hours in the afternoon) but it was really fun..and many new revelations were made..and since i dunno how to passcode protect this entry i am not gonna say it here =)..but its mostly about..u guessed it..guys..lol everyone seems to have some problem with them except me..i havent figured out whether that's bad or good..haha..anw..so that was fun..

and i asked sneha about J from cricket (who my friend likes..not me)..and she told me abt all the eye candy at rj..but i dunno whether i should crash coz they're really strict abt absentee-ism at nj and im scared i'll get caught at rj..so dunno lah..i mean i will def go if someone else is going..and if im going; I CANT WAIT...after all that sneha's told me im up and ready to go...just say the word..LOL

i really really should stop sounding like an utter despo who seems like she stalks guys for a living.

and then today: went out with priya to watch constantine and eat at pizza hut in PS..it was really really fun..i didnt realise how much i missed her company til today..its such a pity we dont live closer to each other or sth..of course we talked abt alot of stuff..like..u guessed it..guys and certain people who are really bad at keeping in touch. oh well i dont really wanna talk about these people coz its really depressing. esp if u thought very much that u guys were really close and that u guys were gonna be like friends forever and then it turned out that u couldnt even talk to each other once in the past month..

oh well. its their loss really. im fine and peachy without them. =) and im perfectly happy with the company im in right now so im good.

cant wait to go for cricket practice tmr...its really fun..not to mention certain additional benefits of course =)

oh shit.

oh f**king shit.

i havent done one ounce of studying for my econs test!!! *panicked look* i am so dead. even when i study i cant do the MCQ questions..how'm i gonna do a test without studying!!!

ok i have to go. go and *sniff* do some econs. dont get me wrong; i like econs..very interesting subject. but i dont like econs questions. or econs exams. or econs h/w. or econs tests!!!

this is unfair. why cant they just do a verbal test or sth..where they ask u questions instead of making u write essays and stuffos..ok wtv.

im not thinking straight. i have to go.

NOW. =( wish me luck...

2005-02-03T18:18:00.000+08:00

heyz peeps...am back...im so flattered by all the encouragements from ppl trying to make me update...showz that im not the only one who goes to my blog...=p..do i sound despo??

ok if i do im not thinking straight. of course if i dont sound despo then i am thinking straight.

am i even making sense? haha...ok wth im too tired to think...im too tired to do anything most days..ive already gotten in trouble with my chem and c math teachers..haha..coz i never do h/w...i could have done it during break(s) but dunno man..seeing as how ive become such a bridge addict its no wonder i dint..lol..

school's been ok so far...ive cut down my 8 ccas to just 2..(even though my mum is making alot of noise).. cricket and college publications though i dunno whether im staying on in pub coz a certain someone is abandoning me and joining OAC...*pissed expression*..haha...dunno what happened to our newsletter idea...it just kinda fizzled out after a while...well actually after one day..the day we thought of it...LOL.

well its been ok except for certain types of pressure that refuse to go away. if ure not too stupid u should know what im talking abt...haha..anw..

oh yes...i must mention this. nj is totally devoid of eye candy =(...im getting utterly utterly deprived..haha..i wanna crash ac or even rj coz my friend's friend who crashed from rj was going on at length abt all the eye candy that im missing out on...they're even of the same race!!!!

LOL. ok now i sound really despo. and utterly pathetic. as if i have no life. as if all i do is think abt guys.

i dont. really.

LOL. ok this post is utterly completely totally screwed up. i dont really know what to say man...there's too much info..i feel like just hanging (conveniently) and not doing anything..haha...

classes have been ok. as ive said...information overload in some subjects. and A level chem is totally beyond me. not to mention physics errors and uncertainties. and of course econs as well. i dont need to mention tamil..anyone who knows me well enough should know what is running through my mind right now...lol...this may be funny to read. but its not funny to me...hmph.

its not fair that i have to slave away in tamil class just becoz i dint do well in psle tamil!!! its completely unfair and utterly stupid...just becoz tamil is totally beyond me does not mean that putting me through another year of this extreme torture is justifiable!!! in fact the fact that tamil is beyond me should be reason enough for me to avoid taking tamil!!!!

argh. venting my frustrations here is not the same. there's no one on the immediate receiving end. *depressed look*

does this entry sound depressing? coz im not u know...im just very very tired. very. extremely. completely. utterly. like totally. in fact im completely satisfied with the way things are turning out and evolving. jc life may be hectic and tiring...but its the satisfying kind of tiring not the depressed and mentally anguished kind of tiring. not the tiredness i experienced sometimes in cedar that was really awful...especially during certain activities...oh well..its over and done with anyway...and this does not mean i dont miss cedar.

i do miss cedar. everyday. i just want to go back to the familiarity that is cedar and face no extra pressure like what im facing everyday now. not that im saying jc is bad. its fun.

ok im confused. LOL...ok this entry is weird right? i suggest reading it again if u really want to make sense of it coz that is what i did before writing this para...LOL...ok dudez...since i have lived up to my blog's name my job here is done.

for the time being. =)

Dead Babies

2005-01-09T20:31:00.000+08:00

the title is NOT inter-related with the post...lol..it just stuck in my head coz SH is telling me dead baby jokes..and this one is kinda gross...lucky i ate my dinner already:

What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One live baby eating it's way out.
(ewww factor: very very very very high)

so...lets move away from this sick and perverted stuff that i talk abt with her on chat to while away the time...coz its no good if i chat abt this and then blog abt this...coz that would be kind of redundant wouldnt it? lol..

ok back to more neutral and interesting topics: NJC orientation rocked le house man!

it was really fun, not to mention cool, and enjoyable and waaahhoooo! lol...i had loads of fun...and our class really bonded quite well...relatively speaking...coz compared to some other classes that ive heard abt our class really clicked quite well..05s12 rox my sox =) and is filled with cool dudes ...lol

i really dont want classes to begin..its like such an anticlimax after a week of going to school, having loads of fun, not even talking abt hitting the books and coming home and just lazing abt doing absolutely nothing...after one week of bonding only the utterly boring-est of boring people would want lectures and tutorials to start..aah...what i would give to be born one year late...coz that would mean 2 extra months of holiday coz of the absence of prelims...

oh and i signed up for like 8 ccas: softball, cricket, hockey, indian dance (for which im not going and for which i signed up when i was rendered temporarily insane), ILDDS (which is compulsory and i find this very unfair), i and e, filmworks and college publications (SH and I are thinking of doing this comic strip thing for the school newsletter...but now we're thinking of expanding even further and doing a whole comic newsletter thing coz the school newsletter is online and nobody reads a school's online newsletter...at least nobody who has better stuff to do)...

lol. so thats abt what happened in the last week...i came home very late everyday except monday coz we had class bonding sessions outside of school...which were very fun but very tiring if u do them everyday...still..im not complaining..any chance of getting out of this house in which my mum is always pestering me to start studying or doing something productive instead of blogging/chatting/smsing is very very welcome...

haha...ok i have to go now...still have shoelace re-stringing to do...i washed my shoes!!! but the mud wont come off on some parts...=(...anywayz...

off i go. doing something productive. *sigh*

=(

2004-12-30T20:44:00.000+08:00

u know this post is really gonna be a testament to my blog name (look at the blue bar above)...its gonna be filled with mixed emotions...i cant seem to feel just one emotion rite now...i tried..i even tried starting in positive and negative ways just now but i deleted them coz its not true...and even if it was very tempting..i dont really wanna lie on this blog coz its....

well. i dont wanna lie..becoz. lol.

ok so im really happy coz...IM FINALLY 16. haha..im considered an adult =) yay. and if i was in USA i would be happily driving a real live car by now instead of taking the bus...or, horror of horrors, walking .. lol (i am so envious of my cuz grr..).

Anyway...

so as i was saying...im 16 and i get to watch NC-16 movies (finally)...i can just walk up to the movie ticket counter and say that i want a ticket to watch "meet the fockers" (which is NC-16) and the lady will go: "OK. You're 16 now! No prob!...haha..ok this is way lame but its cool...i guess its just becoz i had to wait so long y'know..everyone was turning 16 and there i was...still 15..haha..only people with birthdays in late dec would know what im talking abt...and also i get all my presents late coz everyone is getting ready for the new school year...it sux living in a country where the education cycle is jan-dec...GRR..

so far my presents have been good...since my b'day ive only met my parents and priya and my parents will be getting me sth soon...when they have time to go shopping and priya and her sis got me THE ROTK VCD..and a ring and pendant to 'get me in tune with my *ahem* feminine side' lol...yay..thanks dudes...the present was great =) *beam*

and of course im excited that the new year is gonna start and im gonna enter a whole new phase of life which is gonna decide basically my entire life for me: JC...which is in fact pre-uni...

but im also depressed coz the coming of the new year means..,,,

no more cedar. no more familiar sea of blue. no more nonsensical hanging out before el or wtv. no more recesses with familiar and close (i hope) friends. no more laughing and joking with people whom u've known for 4 years of ure life. no more familiar surroundings. no more taking 154 and getting down at the choice bus stop. no more to the bus stop walks. no more yakking about everything under the sun.

life is getting complicated and diversifying and i dont want it to. i just want to stay in what my life is now.

that said, it doesn't mean i wanna change ANYTHING that happened these 4 years...everything that happened shaped who i am today; even if it hurt me or someone else or some other people even. but i really hope i never hurt anyone. i know some things haven't turned out the way i would've liked it to and some relationships were broken prematurely and im terribly sorry. but i also believe that it was meant to happen; that if our relationship was terminated so abruptly in such a short span of time, it was never meant to last, it was never strong. i think if those people ever read this post they'll know what im talking about...or at least i hope they do...

but on the positive note, ive matured alot and forged, on my side anyway, friendships that will hopefully endure through our seperation in school life...im a natural extrovert. i cannot last long without friends and i know how important they are and how sucky life could be without any really close friends in whom you can confide and put your trust and i hope i never lose these friendships.

thanks to everyone who has made me what i am today; whether it be positive or negative, whether they be my enemy or friend; thanks alot. =)

ok. haha. im back in character. stopped being serious. back to laughing...lol..but seriously when i sat in front of the computer just a while ago i never thought all this would come spewing out in such amazingly long torrents. that was hard for me to type. correction. hard for me to read after i typed it. haha...never knew i was actually thinking about that. oh well. the mind is a complex varied thing.

or at least mine is haha ;)

p.s. my heart really goes out to the victims of the tsunamis. im really sorry. and im sad too. i know whatever i say here will be very insufficient and insignificant but i couldnt end without saying it anywayz...

2004-12-20T12:09:00.000+08:00

omg...bee-yoo-ti-ful

2004-12-20T12:06:00.000+08:00

me and SAM THE MOVIE STAR!!

2004-12-20T12:05:00.000+08:00

a pretty picture =)

2004-12-20T12:04:00.001+08:00

beautiful ice-capped mountains

2004-12-20T12:04:00.000+08:00

me at huka falls, NZ

2004-12-20T11:46:00.000+08:00

me and my sis during the milford sound cruise

2004-12-20T11:44:00.000+08:00

me and my mum at lake matheson, NZ

Gahahaha im back and this post is long overdue..

2004-12-19T15:03:00.000+08:00

Gahahaha im BACK and this post is long overdue..

ok i went to NZ and it was like the bestest holiday i have ever had. seriously. totally. ultimately. absolutely. definitely. and this was not only due to the overwhelming presence of hot guys. hot guys. and more hot guys. and not only because i actually worked up the courage to talk to some of them. haha. it was cool. seriously...like during the toobing i talked to this american guy who was 18 and gorgeous...he looked like errr...keanu 'cept he had brown hair and blue eyes...*drool*..ok anywayz..haha prolly never will meet him again..

ok so the trip was awesome...everything abt. NZ is so cool and wholesome and brilliant and beautiful. i mean u always dream (ok at least i always dream) abt. standing on top of a cliff and yelling ure lungs out when ure really overwhelmingly emotion-ful (lol)...but i actually got to do that...it was amazing...not to mention lots of other things like glacier trekking, horse trekking...and I SAW THE LOTR SITES!!!!!!!!!!

ok i dint see everything...just isengard, amon hen, lothlorien, the misty mountains and the dead marshes...but those are like MAJOR PLACES...and i rode a horse that was actually used in the movie!?!?!?!?! His name was sam and he was totally kewl....haha...and i saw the exact spot were boromir died in FOTR...that was amazing...and i finished reading ian brodie's guidebook to lotr locations for free...it actually costs a little more than 30 bucks but i read it for free!?!?! haha..everything abt. the trip was basically gob-smacking =) yay *tiny jiggle*...

ok so i descended from euphoria into the depths of reality with a *plop* on sunday...actually monday morning at 2 am...haha...it was kinda relieving to be back in Sgp coz everything was familiar and i dint need to wake up at 7 am in the morning anymore...that was the worst thing abt. the NZ trip coz we had to wake early in order to drive to another motel and reach in time to do other activities...

anyway...the past week in Sgp (even though a bit depressing) has been loads of fun...most impt: the posting results!?!?! i got into NJC...my mum was quite disappointed but i was ok with it coz for the first time in my life i get to wake up at 7 am and still make it in time for school!!! haha...its loads better than wrenching ureself from bed at 5.30 am every day..5 days every week...gawd...i am SOO done with that..haha..so that was the big news on friday...i think alot of ppl didnt get into their 1st choice coz of the immense competition this year...all the jcs have lowered their cut-offs quite significantly...its not fair at all...but anyway its just for 2 months and i'll prolly end up staying in NJ if i (please please please please please) do well in the O's...i'll have to go and curl up somewhere and die if i dont make it back into NJ...argh...whatever happened to "live while ure young"...this is supposed to be the most enjoyable and unforgettable period of my life...its definitely unforgettable..only for the wrong reasons..haha..anywayz

other than that the past week has been quite fun really...on thursday i went trekking on BT hill with priya and her family minus her dad...nini was supposed to come (AHEM) but she couldnt on account of washing her hair too many times and going down with a cold...nevertheless it was sooo much fun!!! it was cool seeing priya moan and groan (haha)...ok im so mean...but i think im not wrong when i say that even though she's physically challenged (haha) she prolly enjoyed herself alot as well...and we got the prom glam shots from beauty world centre too...

OMG i almost forgot..AH HOCK IS MARRIED TO HIS LADY LOVE AND THEY"VE GONE OFF TO PERTH FOR THEIR HONEYMOON AND I SAW HIS WEDDING PHOTOS!!! caroline looked like a fecking horse man...i mean when she smiled u couldn't even see any happiness on her face...it was like she was being forced to be there...her dress was quite nice though...and ah hock cut his hair again and his face looked too big for his tux (wolf whistle..yeah rite) in the photos...he dint look happy either...and we saw his family and all...and his niece ( i think)..this really fat girl who was the bridesmaid...haha...anywayz so that was real funny..then priya came to my house and we watched phonebooth and finished a whole tub of wall's creation ice cream...and had a cup of coke each...haha..that was fun..

then friday i went to SH's house and watched ROTK extended version (envious glare in SH's direction)...ive been begging my mum to get me the 3 in one so i can finally have a proper movie marathon lasting more than 12 hrs...but whenever i mention lotr she turns mysteriously deaf...hmph...haha anyway...the hans jansen interview of the man with the beeg blue eyes and the american voice, elijah 'woods' was really hilarious...dom monaghan is a actor cum extraordinaire *is that how u spell it*...he was really cool..esp the wig part and the way he said "why" in that baby-ish quavering voice which had SH and me in stitches...and the part abt. sean astin being gay...elijah wood's expressions were really the clincher though..haha..and also the part where dom was like "i dont see how anyone can hate u mr. woods, with that beeg blue blue eyes and that american voice" and elijah had this weird expression and replied "err..thank u???" haha..anywayz..it was really fecking KEWL...and ROTK extended is really good..it included the confrontation with saruman and all...and had more eowyn + aragorn in it..haha...aragorn is a hottie in lotr...yay!

ok this post is really long

and then ytd..i went to priya's hse and nini came too and we baked cookies!! haha nini too...*surprise surprise* lol..and we watched finding nemo and heard priya sing a christmas carol and had loads of fun...

actually the main reason why its been loads of fun is that ive been out of my house for the most part of the last 3 days...its been really kewl..

ok i gtg..over n out =)

2004-11-20T18:38:00.000+08:00

nini priya me vimala vernie dhiviya at PS on 19th November 2004

its ovvvvver

2004-11-20T17:50:00.000+08:00

WAHOOOOO...omg i cant believe its FINALLY OVER!!
its gonna be fun fun fun all the way baby =) lol...im so happy i feel like singing!!!!!! haha

really i wanna do loads of stuff...and the nonsensical o levels are but a distant memory (ok more like becoming a distant memory)...but too bad im gonna go to NZ on saturday...i mean i wanna go stay over at so many people's houses and stuff but i have to stay at home and help my mum pack..really my mum is totally a workaholic...omg...what am i doing talking abt. all this shit...lol

YESTERDAY was soo cool...even though we were all kinda tired and vernie had cramps..we were so hyper...i mean we laffed, smiled, joked and in mine and nini's case, argued like hell abt. everything under the sun...we were crapping like hell...omg...and it was sooo cool...i mean even the fact that they were having this modelling contest and every single one of the expat models looked kinda like gisele bundchen (http://www.allmovieportal.com/p/Bunchen_JS388155850_photo.html for those of u primitive ppl who havent seen her b4)...anyway even this demoralizing fact could not dampen our spirits..we were practically BOUNCING down orchard road and yelling and laffin at the top of our voices lol...haha..it was really very memorable

anyways...we went to lido and the tickets for bride and prejudice were sold out.. so then we went to PS and a few seconds after we got into the queue..the tickets were sold out....everyone should've just listened to me in the beginning when i said go to PS straight from school coz then we would've got the tickets...haha...i was busy telling everyone "i told u so"s...lol

ok so then...after deciding that it was due to murphy's law that all this nan-sense was happening...we decided to go eat the party fiesta thing at pizza hut..haha...it was really fun...coz we had to teach priya how to take the soup...lol...she dint know where to take it and which was the soup and which was the cream of mushroom soup and was all worried that everyone would look at her like she had grown another head...haha...it was really funny..and she totally clanged the lid of the soup container and we all had a good laff...lol...ok then...we ate nicely and fattened ourselves up =) haha...and we talked rot and made the most noise in the restaurant...lol..it was so fun...and i am not gonna elaborate on the embarrassing serving pizza thing that i did...coz its my blog and i choose what to type here..lol...ok the gist is i tipped the pizza upside down on priya's plate while serving...haha...she said it was the first time she had seen the underside of a pizza slice lol...

and then we went to the toilet and had fun making a hell of alotta noise, irritating people and also had fun playing with the weird hand dryer...it was so cool...it makes ure hand dry in like 5 seconds...haha..

then we took neoprints...and i must say we did look pretty good in them considering we had huge eyebags and our eyes were drooping and all...lol...im gonna try and scan and upload them soon...hopefully it'll work =)

so all in all we had TONS of FUN...and i really cant wait for tmr and monday coz tmr we're gonna go see bride and prejudice and on monday, me, ally and SH are gonna go out and do nonsense...haha..originally the plan was wild wild wet but ally is too lazy to bring a change of clothes and shoes to school coz she has her last paper in the morning..haha...ok so i'll come update later...=)

I AM GONNA HAVE SOOOO MUCH FUN!?!?!??!

impending doom...

2004-11-16T20:37:00.000+08:00

My Impending Doom Cometh...

ok i totally should be studying rite now...ive got a horrifying day ahead of me tmr..geog then phys1 and phys2...why couldn't geog be today..i really wouldnt mind coming to school even in the afternoon..MOE is against people who suffer from insomnia in the afternoon...is insomnia even the right word to use in this context? or is it extreme-sleepi-itis? lol..ok *serious* i cant make jokes now!!! i cant believe im online..but after dinner (pasta-yumm yumm) my feet just willed my brain to go to the com room and i couldn't resist...its like the com is the One Ring and im Gollum (NOT LITERALLY AND PHYSICALLY...Lol)...and i just couldn't go and do physics anymore...i did it for like 3 hours in the morning in mr. yau's session and then 2 hours in physics tuition and came home and did like 2 and a half hours...i did geog agriculture...i think it should be enuf...and i really dont think mugging last minute will help much..i mean im so panicky (not outwardly) now that it probably wont help coz i'll just stare at the page and i wont turn it and that is so not productive...

whereas this is...coz i really need to express what i feel in words if not i will internally combust...i think just abt. anyone short of an android or a surfer dude or a bimbo will prolly feel the same...aah im going insane...

but on the bright side =) its only 3 more days to freedom!!!!!!!!!!!! and then we're gonna go watch bride and prejudice and go for dinner in pizza hut and then we're going for sleepovers at each others' houses (me, priya, nini, ally, SH) and then we'll watch pearl harbour and lotr at home and have lots of fun =)...and then we'll go to wild wild wet and get marvellous sunburns and then im off to NZ!!!!! yay =)...but i cant be thinking abt. that now...(btw we're gonna go visit the sites of the lord of the rings movie thingy in NZ...omg i cant wait =)...)

oh yeah..i found this site at www.stupidring.com
the parodies there are not THAT good but some are funny if u look hard and imagine it in the real movie itself...like there's this challenge where u have to insert the word "pants" in sentences from the book and some are really hilarious..but u have to like sieve through the rest (luckily there's not too much)...and the Links site is really good too..they've got alotta funny links and stuff...and they've got the transcripts of all 3 movies!!!! i cannot let that pass...im so gonna read through them after the exams =)

happy days are not far away! take heart and be strong! lol...

oh yeah i also found this site : 50 reasons why LOTR sucks..its at http://www.pointlesswasteoftime.com/film/50reasons.html
these reasons (most of them) are so blatantly untrue...its like the author (even though he has a phD) has completely misplaced the movie and new line cinema in his head...also most of his questions can be answered by a simple word...its all due to MAGIC!!! gandalf can withstand the strong heat of the balrog because he is a WIZARD..he's just taking on a human shape...and the 9 ringwraiths are beaten off by arwen (actually its elrond in the book) because she's a high elf and that stream is a GOOD stream under the power of rivendell (an elf STRONGHOLD) and the ringwraiths haven't got their full power yet and are FAR AWAY from their stronghold (mordor)...and there's alot more...like the stupid cornea thing when frodo's wearing the ring..its all fcuking magic dude...its happening at Middle Earth (a fictious place) NOT on earth (where everything can be explained with science)...

ok as u can see i feel strongly abt. this but there are so many things abt. his review that is so incredulous like the bathroom thing...hello? who wants to see someone like gimli go to the toilet??? its not put in the movie coz its NOT INTERESTING!?!?! why would we wanna see ppl going to the toilet...u can ask the same question of any other movie...toilets aren't shown if nothing significant to the plot happens in them...DUH

stupid rain =(

2004-11-14T13:57:00.000+08:00

ok today was really dreary...everything was like black black black..ok more like grey...it rained like the whole morning and im gonna have to miss my tennis class!!! oh woe is me!!!

of course im not THAT depressed coz there was this ultra-hot marat pic in the newspaper today in the sweat section...omg...he looks so gorgeous with hair on his face...lol..ok that sounds weird but seriously he's got a small beard and small moustache so i dunno how to say that collectively...anw..

SH: thanx for the survivor update...i am so OMG horrified by leanne and julie and ami is just one B*tch..she is so despicable...i think she's gonna win coz like lets say she makes it into the final 2 half the women are enamoured with her and even if the guys dont vote for her there're only 3 guys in the jury (yes i think all the guys are gonna be voted off coz there is no hope in chad ever winning a swimming challenge or flexibility one and chris i dunno..his mental challenges aren't so good are they?)...ok rite now ive come to an ironic conclusion: women really are conniving creatures...i mean they're like children...esp. the whole chicken wing thing...and Julie too! after the guys dint vote her out....! how cruel and utterly kiddish is THAT?

ok wadever...if i think abt. that for a little while longer i'll just internally combust...lol...

ok im getting so worried about physics...i mean they gave us these sets (of which i still cant find set4) of MCQs of which i cant do like half the questions and the answers are wrong so i dont even know whether the questions i think i can do are correct or not...how pathetic is that...

and chem is another horror...its like these 2 exams are looming up in front of me and im always studying either one..i really have to start doing geography which i really havent done yet...and priya said that they're prolly gonna ask something to do with the method of planting the stuff...which is totally natural geography and not human geography if u ask me...or a little bit of both i guess..if it were up to me, i'd just set map reading and section B the one where u have 3 choices..or is it 4? LOL..my exam is like in 3 days and im not sure abt. the format...

ok i have to go. am gonna study geography after a bit of organic chemistry (which i still cannot do properly...esp. fats...u would think i knew something more abt. a substance that predominantly features in my body..but there u go)...i will not forsake geography!!! i have to do it well!!! ok im going...

f*ckin hell

2004-11-13T10:43:00.000+08:00

ok the title is so morbid..yet so fitting..

bio was such a fcukin' killer...and the 2nd question in p2 was soo wrong...what the hell was MOE thinking? i thought they spent like what...a few months vetting the paper...how did they manage to not see such a glaring mistake??!??!? ok so this has set the tone for the coming papers and physics is likely to be very tough coz it was tough last year and this year is dragon year and all...the world is so depressing and i am depressed.

it would almost be worth it to be born like 3-4 days later...coz then i'd be born on 1st Jan 1989 and that would be so cool...NO FCUKIN DRAGON YEAR...why couldn't the pig year or the rabbit year be more auspicious??? why dragon? that is so inexplicably UNFAIR...oh well

oh yeah..i want an ipod...or a discman..either one...i get so bored travelling that i end up like almost talking to myself which is a bad, bad thing to do esp if u r wearing ure school uniform and there are other cool ppl in the bus (like hot guys) which i tend not to notice til they pass me or sth coz most of the time (when ally's not there constantly talking tommyrot in my ear) im staring into space or humming sth insanely stupid..nowadays its that song..my united states of whatever...god knows why..its been ages since i heard it...Lol..

also..the guys are being beaten black and blue by the women in survivor...which is really no cause for celebration coz these girls are the freaking bitchiest specimens ive seen on survivor yet...though jenna and heidi come in a close second..u will never guess who got voted off...SARGE...fcuking women..esp. leann and julie..julie is the ultimatest of ultimate bitches...LOL..that sounds funny..

ok..LAGAAN is the bestest best movie of all time!!!!!! aamir khan is so hot!!!! and the movie is so sad...ive watched it like tons of times and i still cry even though i know that bhuvan is gonna win in the end...but aamir acts really really well...in fact i think its his best performance in the movies ive seen him act in..and the songs are great...they totally make up for any weaknesses in the screenplay and stuff...

ok i hafta go...im gonna try and comprehend the indecipherable intricacies of all that is evil........ORGANIC CHEMISTRY (mostly macromolecules...)