=(

u know this post is really gonna be a testament to my blog name (look at the blue bar above)...its gonna be filled with mixed emotions...i cant seem to feel just one emotion rite now...i tried..i even tried starting in positive and negative ways just now but i deleted them coz its not true...and even if it was very tempting..i dont really wanna lie on this blog coz its....

well. i dont wanna lie..becoz. lol.

ok so im really happy coz...IM FINALLY 16. haha..im considered an adult =) yay. and if i was in USA i would be happily driving a real live car by now instead of taking the bus...or, horror of horrors, walking .. lol (i am so envious of my cuz grr..).

Anyway...

so as i was saying...im 16 and i get to watch NC-16 movies (finally)...i can just walk up to the movie ticket counter and say that i want a ticket to watch "meet the fockers" (which is NC-16) and the lady will go: "OK. You're 16 now! No prob!...haha..ok this is way lame but its cool...i guess its just becoz i had to wait so long y'know..everyone was turning 16 and there i was...still 15..haha..only people with birthdays in late dec would know what im talking abt...and also i get all my presents late coz everyone is getting ready for the new school year...it sux living in a country where the education cycle is jan-dec...GRR..

so far my presents have been good...since my b'day ive only met my parents and priya and my parents will be getting me sth soon...when they have time to go shopping and priya and her sis got me THE ROTK VCD..and a ring and pendant to 'get me in tune with my *ahem* feminine side' lol...yay..thanks dudes...the present was great =) *beam*

and of course im excited that the new year is gonna start and im gonna enter a whole new phase of life which is gonna decide basically my entire life for me: JC...which is in fact pre-uni...

but im also depressed coz the coming of the new year means..,,,

no more cedar. no more familiar sea of blue. no more nonsensical hanging out before el or wtv. no more recesses with familiar and close (i hope) friends. no more laughing and joking with people whom u've known for 4 years of ure life. no more familiar surroundings. no more taking 154 and getting down at the choice bus stop. no more to the bus stop walks. no more yakking about everything under the sun.

life is getting complicated and diversifying and i dont want it to. i just want to stay in what my life is now.

that said, it doesn't mean i wanna change ANYTHING that happened these 4 years...everything that happened shaped who i am today; even if it hurt me or someone else or some other people even. but i really hope i never hurt anyone. i know some things haven't turned out the way i would've liked it to and some relationships were broken prematurely and im terribly sorry. but i also believe that it was meant to happen; that if our relationship was terminated so abruptly in such a short span of time, it was never meant to last, it was never strong. i think if those people ever read this post they'll know what im talking about...or at least i hope they do...

but on the positive note, ive matured alot and forged, on my side anyway, friendships that will hopefully endure through our seperation in school life...im a natural extrovert. i cannot last long without friends and i know how important they are and how sucky life could be without any really close friends in whom you can confide and put your trust and i hope i never lose these friendships.

thanks to everyone who has made me what i am today; whether it be positive or negative, whether they be my enemy or friend; thanks alot. =)

ok. haha. im back in character. stopped being serious. back to laughing...lol..but seriously when i sat in front of the computer just a while ago i never thought all this would come spewing out in such amazingly long torrents. that was hard for me to type. correction. hard for me to read after i typed it. haha...never knew i was actually thinking about that. oh well. the mind is a complex varied thing.

or at least mine is haha ;)

p.s. my heart really goes out to the victims of the tsunamis. im really sorry. and im sad too. i know whatever i say here will be very insufficient and insignificant but i couldnt end without saying it anywayz...