i am depressed. again.
why am i always depressed when i blog? and whats worse...i don't really know why im depressed. it could be one of the following reasons:
1) Everyone seems depressed. I think its 1st intake blues. Changing classes and shit. Its rubbing off on me *wail*. ok maybe not everyone..just the people i talk to on a regular basis. but thats enough!! i am very easily influenced. i am a fragile creature stuck in this ruthless ecosystem in a man-eat-man world! i cannot help getting depressed as well.
(am i even making sense?)
2) I hate making choices. i just loathe picking one option over the other. oppurtunity cost and all that. why cant i just do both? why didnt the powers above create a perfect world where everyone was happy and where everyone could do exactly what they wanted, when they wanted, how they wanted without making choices when they didn't want to? i dont want to go away =(. neither do i want to pass off this brilliant oppurtunity. im scared, yet im excited. Leaving known territory and venturing into the forbidden depths of the unknown is scary, yet exhilarating. I want to do both. Yet, deep down, i know i can't - i know i have to choose one, and i have to make the decision quickly. I know its wrong to keep postponing it but yet i cant help it. i really really really really really do NOT want to make the choice and take the plunge.
[Priya i think u know what im referring to]
3) I'm just very tired. And the scary part about this is: its only the beginning of the year and i have less than 8 months to go for promos. I think its finally sinking in slowly that i have to study very hard - very very hard - in order to do well in JC, which sucks. i dont want to study. i want to go through the past 3 months with 05s12 all over again. i dont want school term to start proper. i want my class to remain unchanged. i wish certain people from my class weren't switching combination from PCME to sth else. i wish everyone from 05s12 was staying in NJC. i wish i could change our principal.
4) I want an ipod. The blue one. Or black (is there black?). Everyone has one.
5) India is playing very badly in cricket.
6) French Open hasn't started yet. i know it starts usually in May but still..no sport to watch on tv.
7) I wish everyone would stop talking about soccer and instead develop an unquenchable passion for tennis and/or cricket.
8) There is no 4th LOTR movie and Frodo has gone over the sea. Aragorn also dies in the appendix. =( he is such a hottie..all that stubble (refer to cassandra claire's very secret diaries - http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/) I have pasted the link here for a very good reason: U should go and read it. Please do not waste my effort. Thank you.
9) Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christiansen) turns into Darth Vader and kills all his fellow Jedis and drives Yoda and Obi-Wan(Ewan Mcgregor) into hiding. WHY??? WHY??? *shrieks and pulls out thinning hair from balding head*
10) I still haven't watched series of unfortunate events or hitch while everyone else who is cool or has at least $6.50 has.
11) I have no life. All i do is sit at home and re-read Dan Brown/Tolkien novels and re-watch LOTR movies.
12) I am suffering from pangs of unrequited love (ok this is just hormones talking but i had to put it in because it is true.)
Ok so i know this post is oozing self-pity but that is what i am feeling right now.
Wow. I had no idea my feelings were so complex. Imagine having 11 reasons for my depression.
Amazing. Whopee. Hurray.
Sunday, March 27, 2005
Saturday, March 05, 2005
ok i realize i havent updated for like 2 weeks..so much stuff happened so i think i can only blog abt some stuff coz no time lah. my stomach acid is eating up my stomach walls = im hungry.
anyway the biggest news is: my o level results..all that worrying was actually needless. thank god it was..dunno what i would have done if it were actually needful..if u get my drift. haha..but its such a huge relief that now i can just look back on that period of time before we got that little pathetic piece of paper and laugh. or just maybe smile fondly. =)
and that piece of paper is really pathetic. really. pathetic. its so thin and transparent and folds very easily..plus its very small. i know the cert is supposed to come out only later and this is not the real thing but hello? why cant they just give us an A4 paper of good quality instead of some weird junky paper. it is our O level result slip. i mean..theoretically i could go and get a job with it right now.
not that im thinking of getting a job now..its just a thought. that these grades are important and sufficient enough for me to get a job with.
anw..so the big excitement is over =)..after that i went out with priya and nini and watched Ray, cried buckets and went home at 12. it was a whole lot of fun..been a long time since the 3 of us have gotten together again..didnt realize how much i missed all our crappy and lame comments til then. absence makes the heart grow fonder (eww..mush). but its true.
ok so what else...oh yes..i went for student council interview and goofed it up. fortunately they didnt think it was too much of a goof-up so i got picked to be an OGL. however...i am in the mass dance comm. (shriek the last 3 words and pull out clumps of hair). WHAT??? why am i, a person who has 2 left feet and who cant dance to save her life, in the mass dance comm?!?!?! why cant i be a behind-the-scenes person???
I AM GOING TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF IN FRONT OF ALL THE 2ND INTAKE PPL AND THEY ARE GOING TO POINT AT ME AND LAUGH AS IF I BELONG IN A CIRCUS OR A FREAK SHOW. as if life could get any worse..
actually apparently it can...
last friday i went for the moe overseas attachment program interview and that was an OMG freaking ass-shit !@##$*(Y$@*^ disaster. they just asked me 2 questions: what is ure research background and what is ure science background. and the interview lasted abt 2 minutes coz i have no research background. GOD. can they be more stupid and discriminating?
hello? if they only give these oppurtunities to ppl who have had scientific research experience..how are ppl like me supposed to get any? have they thought abt that? obviously not..or else they would've at least interviewed me for 5 mins instead of 2. an interview CANNOT last for only 2 minutes. that equals disaster. for the interviewee..which would be me.
=(
therefore i am officially depressed. what with potential embarrassment lurking around the corner and me failing both my interviews spectacularly...i am facing the rest of the week with apprehension. i have a feeling that my lack of good luck has gotten even worse. as in the level of my nearly non-existent good luck has gone down even lower on the good luck scale. if thats even possible.
i am so majorly depressed. nothing could cheer me up short of a sugar shot.
anyway the biggest news is: my o level results..all that worrying was actually needless. thank god it was..dunno what i would have done if it were actually needful..if u get my drift. haha..but its such a huge relief that now i can just look back on that period of time before we got that little pathetic piece of paper and laugh. or just maybe smile fondly. =)
and that piece of paper is really pathetic. really. pathetic. its so thin and transparent and folds very easily..plus its very small. i know the cert is supposed to come out only later and this is not the real thing but hello? why cant they just give us an A4 paper of good quality instead of some weird junky paper. it is our O level result slip. i mean..theoretically i could go and get a job with it right now.
not that im thinking of getting a job now..its just a thought. that these grades are important and sufficient enough for me to get a job with.
anw..so the big excitement is over =)..after that i went out with priya and nini and watched Ray, cried buckets and went home at 12. it was a whole lot of fun..been a long time since the 3 of us have gotten together again..didnt realize how much i missed all our crappy and lame comments til then. absence makes the heart grow fonder (eww..mush). but its true.
ok so what else...oh yes..i went for student council interview and goofed it up. fortunately they didnt think it was too much of a goof-up so i got picked to be an OGL. however...i am in the mass dance comm. (shriek the last 3 words and pull out clumps of hair). WHAT??? why am i, a person who has 2 left feet and who cant dance to save her life, in the mass dance comm?!?!?! why cant i be a behind-the-scenes person???
I AM GOING TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF IN FRONT OF ALL THE 2ND INTAKE PPL AND THEY ARE GOING TO POINT AT ME AND LAUGH AS IF I BELONG IN A CIRCUS OR A FREAK SHOW. as if life could get any worse..
actually apparently it can...
last friday i went for the moe overseas attachment program interview and that was an OMG freaking ass-shit !@##$*(Y$@*^ disaster. they just asked me 2 questions: what is ure research background and what is ure science background. and the interview lasted abt 2 minutes coz i have no research background. GOD. can they be more stupid and discriminating?
hello? if they only give these oppurtunities to ppl who have had scientific research experience..how are ppl like me supposed to get any? have they thought abt that? obviously not..or else they would've at least interviewed me for 5 mins instead of 2. an interview CANNOT last for only 2 minutes. that equals disaster. for the interviewee..which would be me.
=(
therefore i am officially depressed. what with potential embarrassment lurking around the corner and me failing both my interviews spectacularly...i am facing the rest of the week with apprehension. i have a feeling that my lack of good luck has gotten even worse. as in the level of my nearly non-existent good luck has gone down even lower on the good luck scale. if thats even possible.
i am so majorly depressed. nothing could cheer me up short of a sugar shot.
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