haha the previous post is a JOKE (which is DAMN obvious) for those of u dunderbrains who didnt know >.< its all priya's fault for bugging me yesterday to update and i didnt know what to say or where to start coz there's so many things i want to say and i didnt want blogger to do a total "i-hate-ahalya-and-will-delete-all-her-posts" thing again and delete my post. so i copied-pasted her entry and put it in my blog and changed all the 'aha's to 'priya's and the other way too. so. haha...she thought i was being spastic LOL.

ok anyway..basically im finally BACK to civilisation!!! *applause* even though its only gonna be for like 2 weeks til 8th jan 2006 and even though ive got tons of hw to do [oral commentary for dr. faustus - english, worksheets + newsppr article - spanish, 25 LOOOONG questions - math, revision coz there's gonna be a freaking test on the first day back - chemistry and 2 20m essays on stupid weird grrrr topics - history] and even though i dont have enough time to do all the stuff that i want to do for which there wont be time even during my 3 mth break in june im still gonna enjoy my hols here and be happy with what i have..coz these 2 weeks in SGP is much better than all my hols put together in india. seriously. i miss this place so much...even though boarding is ALOT OF FUN. but there are these times when u want to be alone and these times when u want to think about something but u cant when ure in boarding. like, there's ALWAYS something going on. it gets on my nerves sometimes. coz im not such a party animal who's active all the time. im more of a 'sadhu' person (sadhu = calm/lazy ermmm...stuff like that).

plus ive changed alot coz of boarding - not only in my physical characteristics but also mentally and personality wise AND (this one's because of u priya) SPEECH WISE. haha. let me draw up a list:

1) ive started saying BAAAAACK and MAAAAAD according to certain ppl. this is not true and ive got proof coz i recorded my voice on my phone saying these words. so there (IN URE FACE!!!) hahahahha =]

2) I WANT FAST FOOD I WANT FAST FOOD

3) ive learnt how to live by myself - eg. take care of my own health, wash some of my own clothes (like undies -!!!!), basically do my own stuff, u get the gist

4) ive started thinking about the future more often. like i think of what im gonna be a few years from now and what i have to do and how im gonna do them. and then this leads me to think about what would happen if i failed - which is a really sad thought. and then i daydream/fantasize about getting full marks in everything and being too good for all the universities and all the companies so that in the end ppl pay me for doing nothing coz im too good to do anything. hehehe. =]

5) ive learnt to be independent - seriously. i do my stuff by myself all the time and i dont really care what other people think about most of the stuff that i do.

6) MY HAIR IS LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!! and ive started WAXING!!!!! haha. ok i realize that this is not something people normally splash in capitals all over their blog but what the heck man. its true!!! haha

7) ive made really good friends - boarding brings u closer than ever to ure peers coz u actually LIVE with them. trust me, if u live with ure best friend, he/she might not be ure best friend in the end. u might end up as enemies or something...ive experienced this. as in from my 2 room-mates -- ex-best friends. living with someone brings up whole new characteristics about that person - some nice and some not so nice, which u dont normally get to experience/witness if u werent living with that person.
[im prob right when i say that NOBODY understood pt. no. 7...hehe]

8) ive gotten obsessed with music. im always listening to music. i dunno why. i suppose its just that when i drown myself in music im completely detached from the rest of the world - i cant hear whats going on outside - and this helps ALOT. i dont really know how to explain this...it just gives me a chance to relax COMPLETELY and to stop thinking for a while.

9) movies and good food are luxuries to me. >.<

10) im always broke coz i spend all my pocket money (abt S$15 every week) on junk food and proper mineral water from the tuckshop coz the school food sucks and the school water seems to give only me a stomach ache (double >.<) - basically i cant really manage my money

11) i always forget where i keep stuff. like one time i had to pack to go on holiday and i couldnt find my suitcase keys and i thought i locked them in the suitcase (impossible to do coz u have to lock the suitcase with the keys so u cant put them in and then lock it. but i didnt realize this coz i was panicking...lol) and so i used a needle and picked the lock on the suitcase and almost broke it and then i find my keys in my cupboard, behind my clothes where i thought they would be hidden properly, later when im taking my stuff out of the cupboard to pack. THIS INCIDENT WAS EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING.

haha...uh-oh. i have to go now coz my mum, who will not listen to any of my protests that i havent blogged for over 4 months and that i need an outlet for my emotional stress to prevent me from going MAD, is yelling at me to get off the comp coz i very stupidly spent 1 hour prior to this checking other people's blogs and then took another hour to type this coz i typed this at the same time as i was chatting to people and so i got distracted many times and this led to me taking so long to type this.

ok basically i got to go now =[more later!!!! love you guys who read my blog!!!! haha...*beamz* its really great for my ego u know. lol

HAHAHA! AHA'S BACK! And now I can revert back to blogging about her and thus increasing her insatiable ego! :):):) Oh man, I've missed so much the tim

HAHAHA! PRIYA'S BACK! And now I can revert back to blogging about her and thus increasing her insatiable ego! :):):) Oh man, I've missed so much the times we used to hang out...Yesterday she called me at like 9 plus in the morning and I was groggy and all like "duhhhh who's this?" And she's like "hello aha???" and I'm like "Oh my GAWD!!!" And she has this Indian accent that goes something like "baaack" and "maaad" and it's a really funny drawl. Hahaha...ANd we met up! Oh my gosh she's FAT!!!!!!!!!! Haha... and it was soooo awesome seeing her again even though it's only been 4 months!!! She hadn't eaten fast food, not seen a movie, and basically not acted like a normal teenager since she left! So yesterday we watched Harry Potter [for me it was the third time, and for her the FIRST], and then we ate in Macs... haha... her craving for fries was hilarious... and we talked about so many things and caught up. Though our sleepover next week with ninny is a MUST because there are a gazillion other things I haven't shared with her yet, and no they aren't about doorknobs or anything even remotely close to that!!!!Haha... Oh man I'm exhausted cos today's Xmas eve, and I messaged Mathan, Danver, Deepan, Nallu, Anand and LinHao about tomorrow... they are supposed to come over but no one has replied yet... yawwwn... maybe they're all still in bed. Yeah... it's only 9 plus... And Sasi is playing soccer now with his MI friends so there's another person I can't call and lament to. [Sasikumar if you're reading this, I want a new set of Earphones by THE END OF THIS WEEK!!!]And Danver if you're reading this PLEASE HELP ME CALL THE REST AND CONFIRM ABOUT TMR!!! :) Thanks!Ok I'm off to watch Friends...Adios!

i just typed this massive post. REALLY MASSIVE. thanking everyone and pouring my heart out. literally. it was huge. spent an hour and a half. and guess what.

IT FUCKING GOT DELETED.

I AM MAJORLY PISSED.

I HATE BLOGSPOT.

EFF EFF EFF EFF !@&*^^$^%@%^*(&(&

I AM SUPER PISSED AND I NEED TO TAKE IT OUT ON SOMEONE.

MY DAD IS NOT HELPING.

so im going to shorten this.

to all my dear friends: so sorry you couldnt see the post. dont use blogspot whatever you do. i love you muchos *big hug and kiss*

to priya and nini: im sticking to email from now on when writing to you guys. i really spilt my heart out on this post and the com has to go and hang. WHAT THE FUCK.

i love you alot by the way. and priya say a huge thank you to sasi from me. and tell nini to read this. thanks =D

to my family: i love you *beamz* even though you wont read this. XD. i will call you every week. i miss you every second, of every day, of every week of every month.

to my dad: change your laptop. never trust indian internet connections. always type in microsoft word before blogging.

oh yeah my dad doesnt blog >.<

to everyone including myself: good luck in exams. do well. study hard. and never forget me [this is not to myself btw]. we shall go out when i get back. XD

THE END

p.s. BLOGSPOT SUCKS.

AAAAAAAAAAAH im shit scared. i wish it was like those fleeting moments of scared-ness or paranoia that will just leave you trembling in ure socks for like a while and then poof ure back to normal. but i cant stand this long drawn-out thing which is sadly getting worse by the day. ive never dreaded anything more in my life. never ever. i swear. not even my o level tamil paper. im being completely serious.

thankfully all this packing is completely driving my thoughts away from friday. i really like being busy right now. even though most of the time i'm a lazy pig. ok not a pig. that was just a non-literal reference. anw. its like bad enough knowing that you're not going to see all the people you normally wake up seeing everyday for like more than 4 months. its even worse when it all comes and hits you that you are not going to see hide or hair of them and that you're going to be living all alone for the first effing time in your life. and when you have an overprotective mother, which is good in some ways, it really scares you when you have to finally let go and be independent because the transition is much tougher than if you were independent by nature.

*sigh* i hate thinking about this. ok moving on..

meeting ohfiveasstwelve today =] im sure we're gonna have loads of fun!! cant wait *beamz muchos* and meeting chitra and sherin at school today too..managed to somehow persuade my mum. thank god my dad is at work today. he would have never said yes. >.<

ok that didnt work. im still thinking about what i'm trying to not think about.

oh shit. its the day after tomorrow.

shit shit shit shit shit. im gonna die.

oh eff. why cant life be as easy as my maths o level paper?

will this waiting ever end.

I read newsweek today - dont be shocked. I suspect its a product of a desperate individual seeking desperate respite from a desperate state of boredom.

I am such a desperado. Ok now i know how the word despo came about. minus the erado part. Gosh, the creativeness of Singaporeans. I really applaud the efforts of the founder of Singlish. Its a great language lah. =D

Ok anyway as i was saying, I read newsweek - there was an article about how african babies are dying everyday in Africa (duh. where else?) from starvation due to the Autumn famine, which was even worse this year because of the tsunamis. [This makes me wonder whether everything God does is for the better of mankind.]

So I was quite shocked at first that while we're lounging about here and the Singapore government is wasting catrillions of money on casinos and useless local tv shoes [except a few] people are dying in other parts of the world. They don't even have clothes or a home or food or sanitized water, let alone a television or enough money to even think of a casino. They probably don't even know what a casino is >.< color="#66ffff">That does not mean I pick my nose. That is just gross. And a warning to pickers of noses - if u pick too hard ure nose will bleed. I read this somewhere i think.

Ok anyway, once the shock had gone away and I had gone back to what I normally do - today it was re-reading Da Vinci Code - this occured to me: When millions are dying in Africa, why is my mum effing forcing me to eat so much?? It's almost as if she's trying to force me to eat a quantity of food equal to that which i would normally eat if i were staying here for the next few months til december! My belly is growing!! *mortified look* I'm trying to be out of the house as much as possible. I'm even volunteering to go to NTUC.

When I start doing that, its a sign of how desperate I am. I never go to NTUC when given the choice. Never.

Oh well. If she does this for lunch tmr I am going to yell. And pretend to call child welfare protection like the kid Russell Peters did. Good my mum hasn't watched that clip yet. Oh btw, I'm teaching my brother to say that line: Somebody gonna get-a hurt realll bad. He says it quite well you know. Especially when you take away his light saber or his hot wheels car. The silver one. Him and the silver hot wheels car are attached at the hip. First it was Barney. Poor Barney. He's so huggable.

I'm quite humongously depressed nowadays. Actually my mood changes. I'm like PMS-ing. I really am. Like this morning I woke up I was so pissed I yelled at everyone. My mum was quite tolerant til I yelled that there was no bread in the house and why hadnt she got the bread yet. Bad mistake. I dont see whats wrong with that anyway. Maybe it was the volume of my voice. And my continual references to my state of temporary 'starvation.' Anyway, we didn't talk until after lunch. I think we bonded over the tasteless-ness of the veggies at Lunch. Females...weird creatures.

Anyway so everything was kewl in the afternoon. Instant mood swing. Oh and I noticed some other stuff too. I cant sleep until about 1.5 hours after I lie down and hug my bolster. Dunno what I'm going to do without it. I swear I cannot sleep without it. I'll probably be more homesick for my bolster apart from anything else, except family maybe. And friends. And my mum's cooking. *sigh* My mum is taking an almost insane delight that I'm going to finally experience the tongue-deadening food they generally serve at hostels. Are mothers supposed to be happy when their kids - especially one as valuable and cool as me - suffers? I don't think thats in the Guide to being a Mother book.

I also notice that this post is alot more serious than my previous few. Hmm..I cant write funny stuff today. Please tell me this is at least a bit funny and entertaining. It would really make me happy and I would love you all the more =D. Haha. It would be nice to know some people are reading the whole post and not just the intro and the conclusion like i know some people do - these people will never see this paragraph so (HAH!) I'll know. Mwahaha. [Cue evil laughter]

So basically that's all thats going on really. Apart from the fact that It's finally started to sink in that I'm going to Bangalore, where I probably won't know the airport from the movie theatre.
=[ As in I would be completely lost there without someone else with me. It's quite scary. I'm quite sad too. I really am. In fact I think I'm going to cry on next Friday at the airport. I'm most probably going to break down a few times next week too. I almost did last night when I was playing with Ashwin and Shilpa. I'm going to miss Singapore - as much of an anti-Singaporean Singaporean that I am - I will.

I'll miss NJC. I'll miss 21 Coronation Drive. I'll miss Orchard Road. I'll miss talking Singlish. I dread becoming all Indian Accent-ified. I'll miss all my friends. I'll miss the good food. I'll miss waking up when I want to and sleeping when I want to. I'll miss my bolster. I'll miss this computer and this room. I'll miss my teddy bears. I'll miss my room. Heck I'll even miss the construction noises going on outside my house. I'll miss Disney Channel. I'll miss watching One Tree Hill every wednesday night. I'll miss eating whenever I want and sleeping whenever and wherever I want. I'll miss calling up my friends and talking crap. I'll miss going online all the time. I'll miss all the hot guys hehe. I'll miss my stereo system. I'll miss all my O Level Notes. I'll miss my Cedar Yearbooks and my SCPS ones.

I'll miss fighting with my siblings and making up. I'll miss hugging my parents. I'll miss my daily hug and kiss from my brother. I'll miss talking crap with Shilpa - who's surprisingly talking crap-able. I'll miss the constant nagging from my mum - as absurd as that sounds. I'll miss the nice feeling of warmth and acceptance [the only place I feel I get any] in the house. I'll miss all the smiles, the tears, the laughter, the DISCO DANCING, the family times, the movies, the long talks about nothing at all, EVERYTHING.

I seriously doubt I'm going to come back to Singapore from Bangalore as an unchanged person who's nice to everyone and cheerful most of the time. If I become arrogant, mean, selfish and snobbish, please don't be angry at me and please tell me. Try to remember Aha from NJC or from Cedar or from wherever you've met me. And please stay in touch. [Oh eff I'm tearing already] Please do. I dont know what I would do without my friends. I dont want to say thank you individually as yet - I would probably start crying and so I want to save that for when my parents are out of the house and I'll be undisturbed.

I love all of you guys. *Big FAT hug* I wish I didnt have to go. I'm a real crapped up person right now. I need major therapy. *Kicks self* I'm sorry this post is so ranty and emo. I don't know where it came from. I just logged on, feeling that I needed to blog and all of this just spilled out from my brain. My fingers just typed away without me really realising what I was saying until I stopped myself and scrolled up to read what I'd just written. I fully realize this bad habit I have of keeping everything - every little angsty feeling- that I have firmly locked up inside and portray a cheerful facade to the world. My mum knows without me ever telling her. She says its bad and that I have to learn to speak to people about my feelings. But my mum isn't really good at giving emotional adivce - only academic. It didnt really make an impact on me.

I just cant talk to anyone. If i do or try to I clam up and screw up the convo and make it real awkward. *sigh* Me and my misguided attempts. I should just call woodbridge and ask them if they have a bed there to spare.

random thoughts

Le Random Thoughts

#1: I love my friends. =)

#2: I love my brother. And my sister. And my family. Is it wrong to love my brother more than my sister? I'm going to miss them. I dont know what i would do without my daily hug and kiss from my brother.

#3: I like floppy hair. I really really really do. Oh. and it has to be curly too. It HAS to.

#4: I want to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and then go to Swenson's or Haagen-Daz and eat Chocolate Fondeau. And then i want to go home and dream about bathing in a chocolate waterfall.

#5: I like purple. I like black. I'm thankful that i have hands with which i can write.

#6: I realize im really lucky.

#7: I have a bloody effing headache. Bummer. Shouldnt have watched Hera Pheri again.

#8: I'm $375 richer. =)

#9: My mum is probably going to be angry with me when i go down late for dinner. I couldnt care less about that right now.

#10: I have 3 strands of white hair. On my head.

#11: I've lost weight even though I'm eating alot. Ive been getting headaches everyday. Am i sick? Am i going to fall really really ill?

#12: I want to sleep.

#13: My dad is really irritating sometimes. Especially when he talks nonsense. And does weird stuff.

#14: Im in love with my mp3 player. I like LG. =)

#15: Is everyone going to hate me in India? I hope not.

#16: I think I need therapy.

#17: My mum is effing irritating sometimes. Gahz.

np. dance of envy - dil to pagal hai

got a new layout. but the peas on earth one will forever be my favourite. its bloody cute =) oh well. felt like a change though.

anw.

to all G12 ppl: i love u guys and there will be a huge gaping hole that cannot be filled by anybody but you guys when i leave. im really touched by everything *beamz* and i seriously appreciate the thought and effort put into it. That was really the highlight of my week (not that there's much competition). Thank you so very much.

i'm feeling a bit depressed. actually make that very depressed. even more so than usual. i cant get out of it. someone please reassure me that this is normal. maybe its coz ive been listening to sad hindi songs the whole day. or maybe its coz i didnt sleep the whole of last night coz i had nightmares which i don't remember. wtf. even my memory is dysfunctional.

maybe its coz im feeling woefully inadequate. i cant shake the feeling that i dont have what it takes to do what my parents want me to do with my future. everyday is spent having talks abt this very issue and to tell the truth, even if it was kind of interesting at first, im getting heartily sick of the subject. whenever the subject is mentioned i feel like screaming and running to my room and burying my head under my pillow, holding my breath until i absolutely need to breathe again.

somewhere in the back of my head a tiny little voice tells me that im not good enough, that whatever i do i wont be able to keep up and that now its too late to start something new. i cant shake it. ive tried. i really have. nothing works. it utterly defeats me that my parents expect so much of me and that i probably cant go through with it.

this probably isnt gonna help though, is it. people generally dont like talking about difficult or sensitive stuff. it just isnt done. not in this selfish world where no one cares about anyone but themselves. they might not show it out. but its true. and though its taken me a while to realize this, i have. and i dont like it. i really dont. i just want to go and hide in some corner and be forgotten. is that normal?

actually i thought i'd do a quiz for this post but then too lazy to look for one. oh wellz. i really have nothing much to blog abt.

except for the fact that i have no idea what to put as my nick on msn messenger.

and that i have a job. haha. ok this is quite big news. (nobody needs to voice out how much they pity the owner/manager/co-workers/chefs etc.) its at this indian restaurant - Raj - at the Biopolis place near MOE. its been quite cool. im learning hindi!! from the chefs!! who cant speak more than hindi and a little english!! and as i'm mostly on kitchen duty, if i dont learn hindi im screwed!! or at least reduced to using crude sign language!! haha.

anw its been quite ok. =) and im a 150 dollars richer already (after working 1 week) MWAHAHAHA. so as im going to work for 4 weeks, i get 600 bucks!!! yay. the force is SO with me.

oh and harry potter and the HBP has such a screwy shit ending. im quite sad. teared a bit when reading the last part. kept expecting him to make a miraculous recovery in the last few pages. gahz. i officially dislike jk rowling (cant hate her coz she needs to write the 7th book first). grr. harry is so screwed in the 7th book. is he even going to go back to school? coz he said he was going to go out and look for the H********. oh well. but other than that, the book was GREAT. really enjoyed it. jk rowling is a GENIASS writer. i dunno which smiley to put: =) or =( lol.

oh and borrowed the pirated vcd of anniyan from one of the chefs at work. couldnt see much of it coz the cd was seriously scratched. so i dont know much abt the movie really. sherin, we're still on for watching it at my/your house right? coz i still dunno what happens in the end and alot of other stuff i missed. ok we have to hurry up. but i think its not that great. lots of plot holes. my dad started snoring half way. ok he wasnt snoring. but close.

oh yeah. I WANT TO WATCH CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!! gahz. johnny depp in action!! ok who wants to go?? i HAVE to watch it. HAVE to. oh btw, ive suddenly developed a disturbing desire to read all of Roald Dahl's books. gonna go pester my sis to borrow them from her friends. ok this is so pathetic. im like 17 and im reading books meant for 8 year olds. but nevertheless, to prevent my mum from finding out im fully gonna hide the books in my room. maybe in my wardrobe. hmm. the idea has merit. =)

so yeah. nothing much happening really. doubt the above has been even remotely interesting. but what the heck. i was bored. and tennis isnt until later in the afternoon. so i had to do SOMETHING.

oh and im going to get an mp3 player!! finally. but a small one. im gonna get a big one for my birthday!! mwahahahas. and dont think u guys can avoid giving me a birthday present coz im going to be back in singapore for my bday =) *beamz*

im gonna miss singapore. and all of u who have the time and patience to read/visit/tag my blog. i love u guys =) and will miss u muchos. we HAVE to keep in touch yeah? come on msn all the time. haha. if u get withdrawal sypmtoms from lack-of-aha (LOL) u can always talk to ure school counsellor. HAHA. ok that was quite funny if i say so myself =). ok it seems prolonged hibernation does not affect ure funny bone. wow.

ok now i shall depart, my faithful readers, from the world wide web and ponder over the intricacies of the world.

yeah right. but it was disturbingly fun writing that sentence. gahz. need to get out more and do more fun stuff. =

i am so tired i have no energy to sleep.

seriously. its like when i lie down, i cant even close my eyes without having a constant headache. and i wake up like every hour (i know coz i have a cuckoo clock in my hse. and its cuckoos, which were cute at first, are driving the sane-ness out of me. its supremely irritating. NEVER buy a cuckoo clock). so sleep, my only solace for the past 16+ years, is gone, with a capital G.

bloody hell.

oh and roger federer won wimbledon = bloody effing hell. andy played really bad. at least he played worse than last year. last year he took a set off roger, and it might have gone on to 5 sets if not for the rain delay.

on a brighter note, venus beat lindsay to win =) ive come to realize that now the williams sisters dont rely much on strength but on accuracy and finesse..so i support them. at least, i support venus. not so much serena. hmm. dunno why. but justine will always be my fav player until she retires i suppose. i admire her for not grunting *beamz*

london won the bid to host the 2012 olympics. my parents and i support paris. gahz. all the hot frenchmen. but british men aren't that much off either. in terms of looks and accent anw. omg their accents are so kewl *smilez*

ok anw. nothing much really. here's a list of what i've done for the past 2 weeks since school reopened and i haven't been attending:

1) Shopped. my mum is not being very stingy and so im taking full advantage =)

2) Shopped some more. seriously. btw ive not discovered that i have a long hidden passion of shopping or anything. i just vehemently dislike window shopping. gahz. i must have an agenda. so sue me.

3) The IB course - surprisingly its very tiring, considering the fact that all we do is sit down, listen, take notes and do group work. we dont get up much except for a 20 min break during which half of the class sleeps, and practically everyone stays in the room = dunno why im so tired though - sleep like a pig every afternoon after i come back. my mum says its coz i watch too many hindi movies and coz i read fantasy (which she calls trashy) books non-stop.

btw. fantasy books are so not trashy. they're extremely interesting. especially those by TERRY BROOKS. Great Author. =) and David Gemmell is quite good too. but he's a bit R-rated though = haha. oh and those by Frank Herbert and his son/dad (havent figured out who's the son and who's the dad) are good too.

4) Visit to School. Was highly gratifying when many people, recognising my immense popularity, greeted me exuberantly. felt REALLY appreciated. mwahahahahhaha. ok so it was quite fun..catching up on all the stuff, though everyone is stressed man. maha was going on and on abt jumping off the building and thinking morbid thoughts while standing on the edge before jumping off. and i could practically feel the stress coming off some ppl. =) saw some non MT people from my class too. was good. *beamz*

5) Watched Hindi Movies!! i watched dil to pagal hai!! SHARUKH KHAN is BLOODY HOT. mwahahahahha. i like floppy hair =) i cant stand gelled/spiky hair. its so bloody unnatural. and i watched others too. watched hera pheri again =). laughed at all the jokes again even though ive watched it 2 times before. im such a sucker for lame/old jokes. and i watched the hindi movie they showed on central last sunday. it was extremely good. was on the edge of my seat, esp when nasruddin shah's character escapes from the prison =). cried a bit too. ok im such a sucker for emotional scenes. have i mentioned i used a WHOLE PACKET of tissues while watching black?? haha..fyi, black is a hindi movie.

6) Sat and bummed around at home like a bloody loser with no life (nobody needs to voice their opinion on how true this is. thx).

7) ATE CHOCOLATE FONDEAU!!!!!!!

8) developed a craving for coco krispies. i like the way its so chewy when its been soaked in milk for a while. fyi, coco krispies is a cereal.

9) Played some VIOLENT chess with my bro. involving a bunch of over-excited pawns who completely defied ALL the rules and an over-zealous king who managed to jump all the way from one side of the board to another in 1 move. haha. chess with my brother is so bloody fun its amazing =)

10) Wasted electricity (mum's contribution) by watching late night shows, like boston public, one tree hill (i like james lafferty. his forehead wrinkles are so cute), friends, desperate housewives, and practically every other show on Star World. Oh yeah, the comedy shows on BBC too: tonight with jay leno and saturday night live. Oh and the Oprah Winfrey Show. Ok. i think ive been watching too much tv. but as i tell my mum continuosly, its the people who make the show survivor who are at fault. if they had been faster in making the next series, i would be watching that all the time instead of sth else. so its really not my fault. its theirs. really.

ok thats abt it. i have to go do the project now. =)

MARIA SHARAPOVA IS OUT!!! bloody hell..there is some good in the world =) *beamz widely from ear to ear* and guess who beat her?? VENUS WILLIAMS!! full credit to venus, coz she was injured. and because maria sharapova has an ego the size of roger federer's nose (aka her ego is bloody big coz federer's nose is big fyi). mwahahaha. im not so depressed anymore. at least someone o-k will win the women's title. probably either venus (please) or lindsay davenport (who is too old and should be at home, married and wearing maternity clothes. but still, anything is better than sharapova). YAY!!!

ok and this is a special request by chitra: she wants to inform the general public, who have had the patience to not skip this paragraph once they read the word starting with c, ending with a, and has "hitr" in between (tee hee) that there is a cute guy, who is in NS and who is a pilot (therefore allowing us to assume that he has a hot bod and toned limbs) living in the block opposite to her. she also wants to state publicly that he is extremely HOT HOT HOT (quoted from her) and that the chances of him and her ever getting together is probably NIL as he probably (almost certainly) has a girlfriend [thats my input btw].

haha. satisfied chitra??? LOL

oh well. sorry for the incoherent post i updated abt wimbledon. i was bloody angry at my mum and was taking it out on wimbledon. = ok that sounds weird. really. weird. hmm..maybe i need to go for therapy.

anw. my mum is being bloody unreasonable. SHE WANTS ME TO STUDY FOR GODS' SAKE!! like WTF?? i just want to go out tmr with priya and ninny after almost 4 months and she wants me to wake up early tmr at like 6 a.m. (an extremely ungodly hour. oh god. im going to have bloody huge eyebags) and study!!! she is being unreasonable!!! somebody pls save me before i resort to taking alison's advice and call the mental hospital to find out whether there's a bed available for me.

gah. im not going to waste time talking abt my mum when i could be talking abt other stuff. esp since there is something SERIOUSLY WRONG with my deranged computer. its having mood swings goddamnit!! i think its coz i uploaded abt 200+ pictures and downloaded abt 100+ hindi movie songs (but they're so nice!! esp the one hrithik roshan danced to in koi mil gaya. the one in the disco when he was trying to win preity over by his superior dancing abilities). so my com is continuously hanging. and there is sth wrong with my msn msgr. some of my contacts are disappearing!! and my favourites are GONE!! im so dead. ive got nothing to do online at all.

ok reality check. my mum isnt even letting me come online much anymore. im doing this on the sly, when she's distracted with cooking. told her i was looking for information on business and management. im thinking of taking that subject instead of econs. any suggestions would be appreciated =) business and mgmt is like the smaller version of MBA (masters of business administration)

ok better hurry up and talk abt relevant things. went out with alison and soks today. didnt realize i miss them quite alot til like during lunch when soks spilt cheese all over the table and all the slimy cheese slithered off my pizza and alison was laughing at us and poking fun at me. =) im really gonna miss u guys alot. that doesnt make me feel better. now my only advantage of going to bangalore, which is being able to NOT STUDY, is being cruelly wrenched away by my over-tyrannous mum.

gahz. anw.

then we walked all over the place, debated on whether to watch a movie, decided not to, went to OG, tried on practically all the shoes and dumped most of them all over the place (at least i did), walked through city link, got soks CDs at HMV (spent abt half an hour there. suspect thats why we didnt have time to do other stuff and got rushed in the end) got my pencil box (which is really big, cool, black and a pencil box embodiment of me. plus im really happy that ive finally got a pencil box that can hold all my stationery. mostly before this, i used to chuck my rulers and my eraser and my stapler in my bag and i had to fish them out everytime i wanted to use them =).

ok where was i..oh yes, got my pencil box, went to carrefour, got alison's health thingy after walking all over the place AGAIN, and then we went home =) even though it was tiring, it was pretty fun and i most certainly want to do something like that again before i leave. *beamz*

now if only my mum will let me.

ok shit. speak of the devil. guess who's here...gotta run if i want to watch wimbledon men's semifinals later!! lleyton vs federer and andy vs thomas johansson. =) ok bye ppl!!

p.s. sam: im gonna miss u too dude =) must keep in touch okay!! through email or sth.. i can be ure penpal!! so cool =) LOVE U!!! ( in the purely platonic sense of course) and i wish we hadn't changed classes =

ok so i just realized boredom = increased blogging. hmmm.

on to more coherent things..wimbledon is so not going as i wanted it to..all the wrong people like roger federer and maria sharapova (who btw seriously does not need gold-carat shoes..i mean all the other sports people are managing perfectly fine without gold on their shoes..what is she? BLOODY SPECIAL?? I DONT EFFING THINK SO!!!) are still in the tournament and justine henin-hardenne is OUT!! *wails* and so is marat safin =( what is wrong with this world?? it always seems as though every sports person i support always always loses. and u know what..roger federer is almost certainly gonna beat lleyton black and blue and then andy is gonna be beaten in the final by roger federer. why so much media coverage? i dont get it. why isnt the majority of the tennis-watching public pissed at the guy with the big nose aka federer? ok wait i know!! because the majority of the tennis-watching public does not have a nose fetish like i do!!

ok now im gonna end this post before i get more zany and also coz my com is seriously deranged. i had to type this entry 3 times coz the browser keeps refreshing. my first entry was like a bloody essay. effing internet explorer and effing bill gates =(

sometimes, i dont even know why i bother. im just naturally nice to people and they make use of my niceness and interpret it as naivety. oh well. don't really want to waste time thinking about it. we're all just going to die anyway.

lots of stuff to say. no words to express them though. info tech is not all its hyped up to be. i mean, lately ive got this feeling that msn messenger, blogs, email, heck even handphones are an utter waste of time. i really dont know why. and i cant shake this feeling u know. its kind of amazing considering how dependant i was on my hp and on msn for the 1st 6 months. maybe it has to do with my complete lack of ability to have continued relationships with most people.

oh what the heck am i crapping abt?? there's no link between the 2. sometimes i just think that im just a big old ball of absolute CRAP. (ok nobody needs to agree with this and post an infuriating msg on my tagboard voicing their agreement)

oh there's something else i cant shake off. sometimes i get this WAY depressing feeling that im useless and untalented. that im of no use to anyone else as well as to myself. that im just. there. not doing anything useful. that even if i disappear from the face of this earth, nothing would change. life would still go on. trees would still grow. the sky will still be blue. the earth will still go around the sun. nothing would change. and then i feel so small and insignificant. like there's no use that i stay on this earth or associate with people or do anything with my life really. we're all just gonna die anyway; what's the use of complicating life and actually doing something with it.

i know that im rambling and that im talking utter utter nonsense, and this will seem totally insignificant compared to what most of you guys are experiencing right now (esp my fellow J-oners), but i just had to say what i said above. even though it might probably make no sense. ok it doesnt make sense at all. surprisingly it was quite difficult for me to come up with all that. took me like half an hour. *gasps*

there are a few possible reasons why im doing this:

1) ive just finally gone off my rocker. (this means that ive gone mad btw)

2) i need coffee because im suffering from sleep deprivation

3) i need to break my vow of abstinence from alcohol and just hit a shot right now (hit a shot = drink a whole bottle of whiskey)

4) im reading too many sci fi or fantasy books where there are alot of heroes who succeded in great great things even when the odds were highly against them and who achieved alot in life. and they got to be very famous and well-liked and had a very very happy and satisfying life. plus they get to be good at killing evil things, saving the world, rescuing evil damsels in distress and just generally being in the exactly right place at the exactly right time. (ok i just finished reading 2 terry brooks novels fyi)

5) im suffering from lack of studying. (i seriously doubt this)

6) im thinking too much about vaguely unimportant things as i have too much free time (because of reason no.5) - i doubt this one too

7) im trying to sound intellectual on my blog instead of my normal, un-intellectual self.

8) ive gone out with my mum for 3 days in a row. (1 day is enough to drive me mad fyi)

9) im just bored. and someone refuses to talk to me on msn messenger and i refuse to swallow my (bloody huge) ego and start the conversation. so im pathetically..ok im not gonna inform the general public abt the pathetic things i do when im online on msn. [I THINK THIS IS THE REASON!!!]

oh well. the vagaries of the human mind are distressingly, yet intriguingly complex.

ok apart from that nothing much. just getting ready for august i suppose. the only good thing abt me leaving in august is that my mum is going completely berserk and letting me buy many many things she's not even considered or brushed aside before. mwahaha. im getting new sneakers!! and not the 40 bucks ones that my mum used to get for me in the most godawful colours. *more mwahaha-ing*

ok now i have to go and eat my mum's -ack- bruschetta bread with tomatoes. i hate raw tomatoes. i hope the bread's not burnt. ive been majorly PIGGING out these holidays. too bad my mum threw out the weighing scale. =(

needles and blood =(

just had 2 jabs. (EGAD) due to my mum's over-paranoia that bangalore will be mosquito infested , hygienically challenged and un-sanitary. she had the doctor give me an anti-typhoid jab in my left arm (even though he said that it was unlikely i would get typhoid since im going to the CITY not some weird ulu-ated village or sth), and a hepatitis A jab in my right arm (even though he said that hepatitis A is very rare and happens only in places like Africa etc etc and plus its not fatal). PLUS she made him take a blood sample to test for my blood group and WBC count -GAHZ- the form said it was OPTIONAL.

now i know where i got my paranoid feelings from =|

i feel like a bloody pincushion and i cant move my right arm properly. *rantsrantsrantsrantsrants*

ok since im such a nice person *beamz* im gonna be nice to sherin and do this quiz since she *begged* me to (hee hee)..

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY: 1. Ahalya 2. Aha 3. Ahahahahahaha

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:1. tamil really sucks. argh. 2. I watched STAR WARS!!! *happy daze* 3. depressed

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:1. My dimple 2. My fingers and toes 3. My nose

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DONT LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:1. My hair 2. My stomach =| 3. My overly-skinny legs

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:1. Indian (hindu) 2. Tamil 3. Brahmin

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:1.Heights 2. To be lonely. 3. Cockroaches and other despicable insects/creepy crawlies/snakes

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:1. Computer 2. Television 3. Soap and Shampoo (I like to bathe, esp in this goddamn freaking hot weather)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:1. Red Hawaiian Shorts =P (im being brutally honest here haha) 2. Specs 3. My black NC t-shirt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:1. BSB 2. Michael Jackson 3. Colonial Cousins (there are actually alot..keeps changing depending on my mood..same for the next question)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:1. Any hindi song by A.R.Rehman esp those in Taal
2. Any Clay Aiken song 3. Any song lah (sorry im very indecisive)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:1. Trust 2. Love 3. Loyalty

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order): 1. I am hot and sticky. 2. I am majorly depressed. 3. I really love my brother and my sister.

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU: 1. Nose 2. Height and body build 3. Eyes

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:1. Meeting up with friends/Talking to them etc.
2. Cycling 3. Watching TV/Using Computer

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW: 1. GO AND BATHE
2. Watch Hotel Rwanda 3. Go play tennis

THREE CAREERS YOURE CONSIDERING/YOUVE CONSIDERED:1. Neurologist
.2. Veterinarian 3. Newscaster/Marketing Executive

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:1. Africa 2. Goa 3. North India

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:1. Ashwin 2. Shilpa 3. Ahalya (muahaha..saves me the trouble of thinking)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:1. Travel all over the world
2. Do skydiving/bungee jumping 3. Drive a Ferrari =P

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:1. I dont like to shop 2. I enjoy playing sports (like TENNIS and CRICKET) 3. I have short hair.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:1. I dont mind wearing skirts
2. I am attracted to the opposite sex (duh) 3. haha..i like to gossip =)

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:1. Keanu Reeves 2. Eric Bana 3. Marat Safin

THREE PEOPLE THAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:Aiyo, all the people who read this.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Back to business ppl...haha..IM BACK!!! (for those of u who dunno i was in bali for the past week) haha..Bali was so damn fun lah..lots of fun in the sun..got to do snorkelling, parasailing, jet skiing, banana boating etc (yay!!!) it was bloody fun =) even though i became a few shades darker despite the use of 2 whole bottles of sunblock =| there is something very very wrong with my skin. haha..and oh there is an ABUNDANCE of eye candy down there. so many that u cant really differentiate between them which is slightly disturbing but wad-da-heck y'know. i just enjoyed it while i could *beamz* haha..

anw so that takes care of the past week..ermm OH YES!!! I WATCHED STAR WARS LAST LAST WEDNESDAY!!!!!!!! *faints with excitement despite the 2 weeks that have passed since then* it was so bloody cool and i dont care that many ppl think the movie is crap. for me, it was waaay cool and utterly funky. and hayden made up for any holes in the plot (i happen to think there are no holes in the plot, except for the fact that i dont understand how hayden could have turned so bloody freaking fast to the dark side. i dont think that whatever influences shown in the movie were enough to do that but maybe thats just coz im in denial that he ever did turn to the dark side =|) oh well...it was a real cinematic experience. plus i got to see ms. m.v. shrooz and (finally) give her her birthday present. =) muahaha. so it was fun lah =) and the fighting was cool. waaay cool. *beamz*

quite sad though that i wasnt able to make it for the class outing last monday =(...really miss 05ASStwelve lots...=|

oh yes..did i mention that i dont need to take the common tests?? muahaha..=) *beamz* but u know, im not as happy as i feel i should be coz august looks alot closer from now than it did from the beginning of the holidays. and i really dunno what to feel/think right now. there's so much stuff to do (as my mum is constantly reminding/nagging me) and there are so many ppl i want to meet up with. and i thought there would be more than enough time, but there just isnt. and im really confused. and i dont like this feeling. and i just realized a few days ago that i wont be seeing all the ppl i love for a long time after august. i wont be able to see my brother. or my sister. =|

im trying my goddamn best to NOT think of august at all..but its not working. it takes quite a bit of effort to remain perky and cheerful at home coz i dont really want my mum to know what im thinking. coz then she'll start on about how i should think of my future and not of the ppl i associate with now, coz thats not gonna help me in the long-term. i dont like hearing that. but i wouldnt like to inform my mother coz then she'll freak and god knows what will happen *sigh*

egad. blogging seems to be depressing me rather than cheering me up and making me feel better.

aw shucks.

p.s. now i can go take my bath =)

ok the past few days have been QUITE eventful..alot of stuff happening..in school, at home, with friends..

but im ok with it u know..coz whenever i feel that there's too much to do and that im going to spontaneously combust soon..someone comes and starts complaining about his/her much MORE hectic life and then i start feeling a little better *sadistic grin*

muahaha.

ok so lets see..last friday = IL night which was mostly a success on our part..the turnout wasnt so good but the DRAMA ROCKED..congrats to riya, kaamini, karunan and mubarak (even though only 1 of them are likely to read this post..haha) for acting bloody well..oh and referring to riya's blog post..ure acting was really good ok and u played the part perfectly =) everyone said so and everyone was complimenting u..believe me *beamz* ok and as expected i forgot the steps for my dance but nvm u know..coz everyone was distracted by maha and TP's great dancing abilities so i didnt feel stupid or dumb or anything..and i had LOADS OF FUN.. so it was great..

oh and practically the whole of IL fell in love with my brother..muahaha..can see he takes after me =) yes i know..start throwing flowers all around me *beamz* tee hee.

so then afterwards i went out with the rest of the IL crew to KAP and we had a great time throwing fries at one another *ahem* and showing off the brilliant IL family tree..brainchild of ures truly *beamz* haha..and gossiping (DUH..what IL gathering is complete without gossip..haha)..had lots and lots of fun..even though my phone got confiscated later.

yes..u read the last line correctly..my phone got bloody confiscated by my parents..but u know what..even though i was seriously angry on saturday..im kind of OK with it now..coz there are so many other ways of communicating..seriously..like chat..im spending extended amounts of time online now (haha..its either one or the other lah..cannot deprive me of both if not i'll go mad because of lack of communication with friends) and the HOUSE PHONE..haha..ive just fully realised the potential of not having a hand phone..coz it leads to me using the house phone alot and racking up the bill and then this will ultimately result in my phone coming BACK TO ME!!!

muahaha. once again i prove my genius-ness. *cue evil laughter*

anyway..saturday was spent in a haze of gloominess (reason is very evident) and then sunday was TENNIS DAY..quite fun =) ok then today was great too..went out with sherinah and chitra to watch madagascar (shhh..my mum doesnt know if not she wont let me watch star wars on wednesday..hee) and then walked around, ate lunch, took neoprints, GOSSIPED (tee hee)..the movie was quite funny lah..the king lemur and the penguins are bloody funny *beamz* the theatre was full of kids though so the ambience wasnt there man..but we had a great time even though half the popcorn fell out of a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box =| GAH. and i spent 20 bucks. GOD. i am going to be bankrupt very very soon. coz my mum refuses to give me pocket money again til i clear up my table. grrrrrrrrrrr.

right now, i refuse to think about after june holidays because whenever i do i feel depressed and i wonder why i couldnt just refuse to go and just stay here coz so much good stuff is happening in my life..i really couldnt ask for more. seriously. i mean compared to certain ppl's problems in their lives..my life is really quite peachy u know..but only comparitively. i still feel quite depressed at times.

like when i see ppl using their bloody cool handphones on the bus/mrt/public places.

gah.

ummm.

errrr.

life is so complicated. there are so many things (more negative than positive) going on that i dont know where to start. and whenever i feel like crap...WHAM...sth else negative comes along and makes me feel more crappy. and then some.

maybe its just paranoia. maybe its just me deluding myself. but maybe im like the lucklesses on the amanda show...i have no luck. no fortune. no nothing. and that sucks. it really does.

coz when everyone expects you to be happy, satisfied, not lonely and emotionally well...and ure not..that really sucks. it does. take it from me. i'd rather have started out as a person who's not all of the above so people dont expect me to be everything im not. and its not like i can tell them im not coz then they'll think im weird and then..oh well..its a vicious cycle of emotional instability and mental disorderliness.

oh and have i mentioned that going to a co-ed school after 4 years of a single sex one really sucks. its bad for ure health and really drains you mentally and physically. *incoherent sound of protest*

ok and i officially hate econs (i flunked the test majorly. i just repeated the same point 4 times in 4 different paragraphs. i should have handed it in for GP = full marks for paraphrasing) and chemistry (SPA = major disaster with horrible consequences such as mental paranoia, anguish and banging-head-against-wall syndrome) and math (what is he talking about again? no. really. WHAT??). physics is the only interesting subject.

oh and why doesnt the government focus more on training the teachers instead of torturing us by implementing such a rigorous study regime? HELLO its so freaking logical. if the lecturers make sense, the students are happy. if the students are happy the tutors are happy coz then they can slack more (which is what they happen to do best nowadays..its always come to class, discuss questions with the more intelligent humanoid like beings in the front row, and then leave to go eat/drink/go to the toilet or whatever teachers do in their free time). if the tutors are happy everyone is happy. ITS SO OBVIOUS. take out the root cause and voila - problem solved.

sometimes i just feel like giving up everything and sitting down somewhere quiet and think about nothing in particular. maybe thinking about the future, or contemplating past events or just NOTHING. that would be total bliss. i wish there weren't sucky things to handle like relationships, studies, parents' overbearing concerns...u get the idea.

and i wish i could just flick a switch and end the cacophony of voices in my head...and those around me as well.

yep thats all i have to say.

ok haha..i koped this from riya's blog *beamz*

[spell your name back wards]
aylaha. i somehow prefer it forwards though -.-

[the story behind your email address]
ermm..i just copied my mum's format..ive had it since...like pri 6 i think. what can i say..im a creature of habit..Lol.

[favourite shirt]
ermmm..none in particular..seeing as i dont go shopping much and most of my clothes are like the cheap cheap ones i buy out of necessity. but i do like all my black shirts =) and i like wearing skirts nowadays too since its so insanely hot.

[piercing]
none. i dont believe in body piercing.

[hair]
black and will always be black unless i go through a manic phase or sth..like that time in sec 4 when i really really really wanted to streak it purple. =|

[makeup]
nopez. none for me..unless i start wearing contacts..then i'll need to cover my hideous eyebags. *sigh* sometimes i really wish i was a guy..then i wont need to spend like thousands of hours worrying abt how i look..not that i do..but still...

[something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]
STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS. oh and harry potter book no. 6 AND getting at least 8++ hours of sleep every night during the june holidays!! haha..

[something that you are deathly afraid of?]
dying, heights, cockroaches, snakes, creepy crawlies, those huge flies that buzz into the house at night =(

[do you believe in love]
yeah =)

[do you believe in forgiveness]
yeah, but forgetting is hard though.

[where are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to]
USA, paris, new zealand (this place is so scenic *beamz*)

[favorite pig out foods?]
chocolate fondeau!!! and chocolate fudge cake!! and cornettos!!! and cookies and cream ice cream!! and mocha chip ice cream!! ANY ICE CREAM!!! haha

[is there something you wish you could understand better]
my chemistry notes. and my math summation notes. and also why we have to go through this torturous A level syllabus and also why these stupid idiotic geniuses have to come up with so many formulas. =( oh and why i cant do magic. also why i have to make choices.

[best qualities]
happy, fun, cheerful, good-natured

[worst qualities]
paranoid, naive, blur, lazy, dont exercise enough..hmmm..

[what makes me happy]
CHOCOLATE!! and ice cream!! hanging out with friends (NJ peeps rock!!) and playing 'tiger, tiger' with my brother!! and 'disco dancing' with my family at home (HAHAHAHA)!!! taking photos!!

[what upsets me]
backstabbers. bitches. my parents' rigidness and their habit of making mountains out of molehills. when close friends of mine drift away from me.

YES OR NO?

[you cook]
yes!!! haha..

[you have a secret you have not shared with anyone]
yeah. as of now yes. haha..but most prob it will be divulged in the near future..dunno whether that's a good thing or not =|

LAST..

[song you listened to]
Lonely by Akon..it just gets STUCK in my head and refuses to budge. but its damn cute =)

[person you've called]
ermm...ok my mum =|

[person that's called you]
ally!!

[person u sms]
sherinah

[person whom instant msged you]
last time i went online was like 3 days ago i think..most prob it was trisha or malz or sth...

[thing you were thinking about]
ermmm..u dont wanna know. really =| im not sure i want to admit it to myself in the 1st place...

DO..

[you think about suicide]
NOPEZ. im happy with my life the way it is *beamz*

[others find you attractive]
none that i know of...hmm..my brother does i think..does that count?? LOL.

[you drink]
not really. just water most of the time. and coke sometimes. milkshakes too.

[you like roller coasters]
not really..they're fun but i hate the aftermath..the part where i start hurling. =|

[you write in cursive or print]
both. when my hand gets tired its cursive. if not print.

[you carry a donor card]
nopez

HAVE YOU EVER...

[lied to someone]
yeah. mostly to authority. most of the time..i find i cant lie to friends..i start blushing or grinning..GAH.

[ever been in a fist fight]
no

[ever been arrested]
no. and i hope never to be.

WHAT..

[shampoo do you use]
herbal essence

WHO..

[makes you laugh the most]
all my friends really..priya, sok, sherinah, chitra, S12 ppl, etc etc etc.

[has a crush on you]
ermm..none that i know of.

WHEN WAS THE..

[last time you did something]
ermm..ok last time i bathed was last night at 12. last time i watched tv was last night. some stupid tamil serial that my parents were watching. last time i went out properly was like a month ago =| though last night at KAP with cerise, denise, leon and dev was DAMN FUN. haha..

[last time you were totally care free]
during first 3 months orientation..whopee..it was damn fun *Beamz*

[whats your favourite colour]
i have a few..black, white, purple, blue. and sometimes orange. when im feeling sad. as u can see im a bit indecisive.

[what are you planning to do tomorrow]
go for the IL dance rehearsal for which im dancing in the semi-classical (STUPID SHERINAH!! some others can dance so much better than me!!!) and the bhangra. haha..i hope its gonna be fun...

oh well..took damn long to type out everything coz i couldnt bear to leave some stuff out of the answers..everything i say is so impt that i can differentiate btw impt and trivial stuff..LOL..

anw..yesterday was damn fun. *beamz* made quite alot of profit. actually not alot but enough to cover the cost price and the overhead..WHOOPEE!! it wasnt a failure as some ppl were thinking and i think its great that we pulled it off..seeing as how dysfunctional and disorganized we were in the beginning..

and had a great time gossiping with sherinah and chitra and walking around the track and sitting on drains (sounds gross but was fun..haha)..we should do that again sometime..=)

and the kap thing was fun too =) saw sam, hui, wai, sui etc there too. they were sitting at the table next to us..haha..somebody's bday is coming eh..lol..anw so we played cards and then laughed quite a bit.. was quite fun =) haha..enjoyed myself alot yesterday *beamz*

ok i gtg bathe..if not my mum will come and yell at me AGAIN. gawd doesnt she EVER take a rest??? *pissed off look*

*sigh*

ok i have never felt this tired in a long time..ever since sec 3 specialists camp =| which was mentally and physically exhausting..much of the exhaustion came from the travelling time..the place was quite far far away..and i had to take a cab every morning..coz if not the journey would take like 2 hours +.

wtf am i doing talking abt specialists camp?!?!

ok back to the present: im so frigging tired. and bored. did i mention tired?

i dont feel like ever getting out of bed..and i dread ALL my tutorials except physics (coz i mostly copy the answers or try but dunno how to do) coz i never do my homework and i get this guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach coz i know that if i stay this way i'll most probably end up failing my promos (if i take them that is). and that would be a bitter pill to swallow especially my parents who think im some genius child =|.

well im not u know. im just an average person (unlike some IRRITATING people in my class who persist in doing all their homework on time and snigger at me when i say i tried but couldnt do some hw coz they dont believe me) who has no time to do anything unless i start wearing nerd glasses and knee socks and never come out of my study room and stay glued to my chair and buy like 10 refils a day or something. i dont want to end up like that. so sue me. hmph.

this feeling sucks. the fact that my conscience is still existent and prevalantly existent, mind you, in my body really sucks. whenever i skip doing my homework there's this nagging thought, or rather these nagging thoughts, that refuses to go away: ure exams!! u have to study!! u have to at least pass!! ure parents are expecting 4 A's!! u have to study or at least do ure homework if not ure gonna fail miserably!! and the thought that my parents will probably disown me if i dont do well, while extremely unpleasant, keeps flashing in my head. =|

im turning into a droid...seriously..and the fact that im not developing a good rapport with my classmates is really getting on my nerves..i dunno why..i try to tell myself that i have perfectly excellent friends outside of my class and that i actually have a life and that im not a boring old nerd who lives to go home and study. i dont go out much and all that but im happy with that arrangement coz if i go out all the time my parents (especially my mum) will get pissed at me and i know that ultimately my parents are the ones who are going to support me all the way and be there whatever happens..so i cant afford to get my parents pissed at me. And my family rocks =) seriously. my siblings are the best brother and sister pair in the world. *beamz*

but it just gets on my nerves. oh wellz..must try and get over it =|. i know im not going to like break down from work exhaustion in school or start yelling at people coz ive gone through times like these before and i can and will put up a facade like usual. it works like a charm..works too well sometimes =|

oh wellz. just in case u ppl forgot: 19th MAY: STAR WARS!!! anakin anakin anakin!! hayden hayden hayden!! ewan ewan ewan!! oh and not to forget..hp book no. 6 is coming out in june!!

ok haha..im done with my emotional outburst..back to school tmr..the last thing i want to do right now is wake up in the wee hours of the morning and go to school but isnt it sad?? i know that is exactly what im going to do tomorrow. =( *majorly depressed look*

surveys!! =P

ok so i spent the whole day (ok maybe just an hour) doing stupid surveys on www.blogthings.com (further proof that i have no life =|) and since i don't want my time to go waste i am pasting a few results here (the others are too embarrassing and mortifying).

1) My brain's gender: results are quite weird coz apparently i have a healthy mix of male and female (the male part is higher!!! =|) but i get along much MUCH better with girls than with guys. hmm..

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

2) Ok this next one is really really dumb and stupid. I am NOT SNARKY!! It takes alot for me to even get angry =| Im putting it here to highlight the inane stupidity of online quizzes.

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

3) Ok if ure getting bored: good news!! 2nd last one =) lol. anw i dunno what to think about this..im pasting it here coz i had no idea there were more flavours of pocky than chocolate and strawberry...*enlightenment*

You Are Banana Pocky

Your attitude: fun and lighthearted Unique and unforgettable

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

4) LAST ONE!! and most accurate too!! i swear the results weren't like doctored or sth..its so amazingly unbelievable true!! haha..but its like one in a million..usually surveys are extremely inaccurate..at least for me coz i think something different everytime and never remember my answers =|

Your True Birth Month Is December

Logical Patriotic Ambitious Not egoistic Loves praise Loves to joke Fun to be with Not pretending Loves attention Short tempered Hates restrictions Loves to socialize Loves to be loved Loyal and generous Impatient and hasty Changing personality Good sense of humor Honest and trustworthy Influential in organizations Takes high pride in oneself Active in games and interactions

What's Your True Birth Month?

Ok haha..im done with surveys =P nothing much has been happening..
oh: HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY SHROOZ!! YOU ROCK MY SOCKS!!!

and thanks to priya, sok, dhiviya, sruthi, neeti (hugz right back atcha =P), Sherinah, aranel and samz for leaving such nice messages *beamz* i love u guys..and im fully over my depression rite now..for the time being. haha..im a teenager with oestrogen in my blood after all. ok that sounded weird...hmm..

anw i have to go now..my mum is breathing down my neck and glaring at me from the other room (i can feel the power of her glare through the wall) for 'frittering' my time away coz i wanted to spend like half an hour on the com instead of studying...OH I FINISHED MY PI!!! muahaha..the force is so with me =). oh that reminds me..STAR WARS IS IN LESS THAN HALF A MONTH!!! I CAN SEE ANAKIN ON A BIG SCREEN AGAIN!!!

i think when i watch the movie i'll probably cry though..coz im quite sad after watching the trailer where anakin is killing all the other jedis =(. oh well..but the rest of the movie + the HP book 6 coming out in june will more than make up for it *beamz* oh and of course the FRENCH OPEN (MARAT!! MARAT!! MARAT!! event though he's not that good on clay..) will help too *grinz*

ok i must go and do econs essay outlines..til next time then =)

muahaha.

chocolate cake with a dash of vanilla ice-cream. yum.

argh shit. my vow to abstain from chocolate was once again broken for the 100000000th time. but it was sooo yummy i felt like taking a photo of it before eating it. i almost didnt feel like stabbing my fork in it to actually tear it apart in sticky little sin-nishly cute blobs and masticate (learnt this word while doing vocab exercises for GP. so fun.) it in my mouth. Almost.

Oh well. Im already so mentally anguished this isnt really going to affect me much i guess =|. I dunno whether to feel happy or sad about that...hmm.

Ok this post is a bit screwy coz i didnt have enough time to finish it..so the 1st 2 paras are yesterday's and everything else is today's. Lol. I'm not exactly sure why this is important.....-.-

Anw. So school is kind of looking up. I mean apart from my class. We haven't really bonded much..i mean my class and me. They've bonded btw themselves i guess but the only times (so far) that i have fun with them are during the times i play bridge. Oh well. I'm getting used to going to lessons with my class and skipping away to eat lunch with SH's class. And then playing bridge during our class free periods when i should be diligently studying.

Ok. so now since i have reminded myself about studying..i shall rant about it a bit more so u, my dear readers, can get a clearer picture concerning my trauma and mental anguish.

I NEED HELP. SERIOUS HELP. I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT IN MATHS AND THATS MY FAVOURITE SUBJECT. AND PHYSICS IS JUST BEYOND ME DUE TO MY TUTOR AND LECTURER MAKING THE SAME AMT OF SENSE..WHICH IS NONE IN THE 1ST PLACE. OH AND HAVE I MENTIONED CHEMISTRY?? A SUBJECT IN WHICH I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT HALF THE TIME?? AND OF COURSE ECONS. WHICH IS JUST BEYOND ME. I CANT EVEN DO THE FRIGGING TUTORIALS WITHOUT REFERRING TO MY LECTURE NOTES. I MIGHT AS WELL GO AND JOIN ITE OR A SPECIAL SCHOOL FOR THE MENTALLY DISABLED OR SOMETHING.

ok im done with my rant.

but u know..ranting online isnt as satisfying as actually complaining to a real live person. coz it doesnt respond u know..and half the time ppl who tag don't even talk about what i post so i cant like discuss it. and in school, since im a nice person, i cant just go up to a random person and rant at him/her or start snapping at everyone in class or yelling myself hoarse in the canteen or sth. coz normal happy people dont do that. and i would so like to be normal and happy.

or at least thought of by others as normal and happy. =|

oh and he is ignoring me =| (sad face). and he likes someone else. a few other someones in fact. and its so discouraging going to a school filled with thin (not fat) and good-looking girls. oh well.

oh one more thing. i really dont know what i would do if SH wasnt there. or if sherinah wasnt there. or if chitra wasnt there. or if everyone i am close to outside my class wasnt there. thanks u guys.

haha its like im writing my farewell message. =|

i am full of pent-up frustration.

everytime i try to step into the computer room to have a little privacy (which seems unattainable in this house) so that i can actually blog somebody comes in and says: Ahalya! Come and see this! (from ashwin/shilpa)..or Ahalya! Come eat your food! (from my mum) or..Ahalya! Let's do Economics! (from my dad..who for some reason is very excited that i am doing economics. His excitement has not abated over the last 3 months. I wonder when it will.)

Lol. My home life is so entertaining. Ok well. Not really. More like weird and crazy and disorganised and noisy and irritating.

But its a whole lot of fun compared to my school life. Which apart from some occasional perks is completely DEVOID of fun. The only moments of fun come from during lunch/common breaks/at the grandstand b4 school/gp lessons/trips to the bookshop when I'm sitting around and crapping with SH and her classmates or brief glimpses of you-know-who or bitching/gossiping with cricket mates. Oh and also when i play bridge with my class ppl.

But other than all that stuff its very very very very monotonous, dull and boring.

Lessons suck.

Summation Sucks (or maybe this is because i sat down to do the summation tutorial wksht this afternoon..and DID NOT EVEN GET 1 QUESTION RIGHT)

Chemistry Sucks.

Everything Sucks.

Lecturers Suck (majorly..esp chem. Though i manage to keep myself awake by watching the lecturer's mouth moving..it contorts into weird shapes.)

Have i mentioned everything sucks?

I dunno. Ever since after Orientation 2 (ogls rock! haha..had so much fun @ dance party!! Saw Priya..who refused to dance. I was the one dancing like a maniac when i can't even dance properly in the 1st place. Bet her friends thought i was nuts. Why do ppl always get the 1st impression that im nuts?) ended school life has taken a definite downturn.

Plus my morale is in the dumps coz i learnt somemore about you-know-who's feelings towards others. =| I am such a slave to my lust. OK. maybe not lust. Just err...hormones. Or sth. NOT LUST.

Ok so right now the only thing i like about my life is my blog template. Its so cute =).

Oh and cricket as well coz the team really rocks and all of us feel the same way about the guys' ridiculous behaviour. Why do they hate us so much? =(

Ok i have to go and eat now. Oh that reminds me I have to stop eating chocolate again. Im putting on weight =(. Why can't I have a high metabolic rate that will allow me to have a diet of roti prata everyday???? WHY?

crap

i am depressed. again.

why am i always depressed when i blog? and whats worse...i don't really know why im depressed. it could be one of the following reasons:

1) Everyone seems depressed. I think its 1st intake blues. Changing classes and shit. Its rubbing off on me *wail*. ok maybe not everyone..just the people i talk to on a regular basis. but thats enough!! i am very easily influenced. i am a fragile creature stuck in this ruthless ecosystem in a man-eat-man world! i cannot help getting depressed as well.

(am i even making sense?)

2) I hate making choices. i just loathe picking one option over the other. oppurtunity cost and all that. why cant i just do both? why didnt the powers above create a perfect world where everyone was happy and where everyone could do exactly what they wanted, when they wanted, how they wanted without making choices when they didn't want to? i dont want to go away =(. neither do i want to pass off this brilliant oppurtunity. im scared, yet im excited. Leaving known territory and venturing into the forbidden depths of the unknown is scary, yet exhilarating. I want to do both. Yet, deep down, i know i can't - i know i have to choose one, and i have to make the decision quickly. I know its wrong to keep postponing it but yet i cant help it. i really really really really really do NOT want to make the choice and take the plunge.

[Priya i think u know what im referring to]

3) I'm just very tired. And the scary part about this is: its only the beginning of the year and i have less than 8 months to go for promos. I think its finally sinking in slowly that i have to study very hard - very very hard - in order to do well in JC, which sucks. i dont want to study. i want to go through the past 3 months with 05s12 all over again. i dont want school term to start proper. i want my class to remain unchanged. i wish certain people from my class weren't switching combination from PCME to sth else. i wish everyone from 05s12 was staying in NJC. i wish i could change our principal.

4) I want an ipod. The blue one. Or black (is there black?). Everyone has one.

5) India is playing very badly in cricket.

6) French Open hasn't started yet. i know it starts usually in May but still..no sport to watch on tv.

7) I wish everyone would stop talking about soccer and instead develop an unquenchable passion for tennis and/or cricket.

8) There is no 4th LOTR movie and Frodo has gone over the sea. Aragorn also dies in the appendix. =( he is such a hottie..all that stubble (refer to cassandra claire's very secret diaries - http://www.ealasaid.com/misc/vsd/) I have pasted the link here for a very good reason: U should go and read it. Please do not waste my effort. Thank you.

9) Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christiansen) turns into Darth Vader and kills all his fellow Jedis and drives Yoda and Obi-Wan(Ewan Mcgregor) into hiding. WHY??? WHY??? *shrieks and pulls out thinning hair from balding head*

10) I still haven't watched series of unfortunate events or hitch while everyone else who is cool or has at least $6.50 has.

11) I have no life. All i do is sit at home and re-read Dan Brown/Tolkien novels and re-watch LOTR movies.

12) I am suffering from pangs of unrequited love (ok this is just hormones talking but i had to put it in because it is true.)

Ok so i know this post is oozing self-pity but that is what i am feeling right now.

Wow. I had no idea my feelings were so complex. Imagine having 11 reasons for my depression.

Amazing. Whopee. Hurray.

ok i realize i havent updated for like 2 weeks..so much stuff happened so i think i can only blog abt some stuff coz no time lah. my stomach acid is eating up my stomach walls = im hungry.

anyway the biggest news is: my o level results..all that worrying was actually needless. thank god it was..dunno what i would have done if it were actually needful..if u get my drift. haha..but its such a huge relief that now i can just look back on that period of time before we got that little pathetic piece of paper and laugh. or just maybe smile fondly. =)

and that piece of paper is really pathetic. really. pathetic. its so thin and transparent and folds very easily..plus its very small. i know the cert is supposed to come out only later and this is not the real thing but hello? why cant they just give us an A4 paper of good quality instead of some weird junky paper. it is our O level result slip. i mean..theoretically i could go and get a job with it right now.

not that im thinking of getting a job now..its just a thought. that these grades are important and sufficient enough for me to get a job with.

anw..so the big excitement is over =)..after that i went out with priya and nini and watched Ray, cried buckets and went home at 12. it was a whole lot of fun..been a long time since the 3 of us have gotten together again..didnt realize how much i missed all our crappy and lame comments til then. absence makes the heart grow fonder (eww..mush). but its true.

ok so what else...oh yes..i went for student council interview and goofed it up. fortunately they didnt think it was too much of a goof-up so i got picked to be an OGL. however...i am in the mass dance comm. (shriek the last 3 words and pull out clumps of hair). WHAT??? why am i, a person who has 2 left feet and who cant dance to save her life, in the mass dance comm?!?!?! why cant i be a behind-the-scenes person???

I AM GOING TO MAKE A FOOL OUT OF MYSELF IN FRONT OF ALL THE 2ND INTAKE PPL AND THEY ARE GOING TO POINT AT ME AND LAUGH AS IF I BELONG IN A CIRCUS OR A FREAK SHOW. as if life could get any worse..

actually apparently it can...

last friday i went for the moe overseas attachment program interview and that was an OMG freaking ass-shit !@##$*(Y$@*^ disaster. they just asked me 2 questions: what is ure research background and what is ure science background. and the interview lasted abt 2 minutes coz i have no research background. GOD. can they be more stupid and discriminating?

hello? if they only give these oppurtunities to ppl who have had scientific research experience..how are ppl like me supposed to get any? have they thought abt that? obviously not..or else they would've at least interviewed me for 5 mins instead of 2. an interview CANNOT last for only 2 minutes. that equals disaster. for the interviewee..which would be me.

=(

therefore i am officially depressed. what with potential embarrassment lurking around the corner and me failing both my interviews spectacularly...i am facing the rest of the week with apprehension. i have a feeling that my lack of good luck has gotten even worse. as in the level of my nearly non-existent good luck has gone down even lower on the good luck scale. if thats even possible.

i am so majorly depressed. nothing could cheer me up short of a sugar shot.

moe = sadistic

so i have deliberated for quite a long time and come to this conclusion: MOE is a sadistic organisation devoted to denying students of their results until the very last minute. really..this is ridiculous..why cant they just tell us when our results are gonna be released like a week before instead of ONE f**king day before...i was so prepared for friday and now its on monday.

i am so pissed. ok maybe not pissed. just irritated. very irritated.

i guess its partially coz deep down im really really scared that im not gonna get good results...my prelims were good, true, but i have this gut feeling that i screwed up in all 3 of my sciences..which sucks big time. coz i dont really have many choices once i do worse than nj level.

i mean i dont wanna end up going to acjc..coz i really wont fit in..unless there's someone im already close to there..but really..life in acjc will be so sucky for me coz im really not artistically inclined. at all. and i dont wanna go to ajc coz its even more boring than nj. and thats saying something. not that nj is all that boring. its just that everybody mugs like all the time. wherever u go u see people studying. and most of them are not j2s. they're the crazy freakish 1st intake j1 students. but luckily there are other people who share my views on this topic =) thank god.

i cant consider any other jc coz firstly, my parents will be extremely unhappy with me. either that or the jc is too far from my house. like tj or vj is ok but its like practically on the other frigging side of the world. i would have to wake up at like 5 in the morning as opposed to 6.30 + like what im doing now. i mean..sleep is important y'know...esp when u have such big eyebags like i unfortunately do. u must take as much measures as possible to try and get rid of such a pertinent problem, that mars an otherwise good complexion. hee.

ok enough crapping. basically to sum up this whole post..im scared. im totally, utterly, completely, dead scared. and it scares me that my whole future hangs on and depends on this one examination which i mostly screwed up. why do i always screw up in major exams after doing well in the prelims. the same thing happened for psle. its so irritating. like i know i could've done better but i didnt. i wasted my chance to actually perform better than or equal to expectations that (mostly) my parents have of me. i mean..right now im scared more abt what my parents will say if i dont get good results.

all i can say is i hope they support me no matter what i get and i hope they dont think im stupid if i get bad results. and i also hope they dont judge me based on this one stupid examination which was screwed up to start with anyway.

ok wtv..this constant talking abt exam results is getting on my nerves. i am going to go take a nice long hot shower and contemplate abt the complex uncertainties of the future. adios. goodbye. au revoir.

ok i admit im feeling a little morbid so the tone of this post is quite down. oh well. even i cant be happy all the time. =)

crash. bang. kaboom.

ok so after a long long time of intense deliberation, mind-numbing conversations and impossible dreams...the Deed is Done =)

i crashed rj today...haha it was so frigging cool..a major improvement (based solely on school building, facilities and CGs) over where i am currently..it is so unfair. their library is like the one in My Fair Lady - the one owned by Rex Harrison's character (i think its rex harrison...hmm..)

Anw so i basically went for like the econs lecture only and then lynn (our ever-gracious ex-vice HP) took us around the school and gave us a tour and tried to start us off on our quest (the whole CG thing)..and then we (i crashed with sruthi btw) went to the canteen and sat down there for like 2 hours i think..and we conversed abt very very interesting topics..Lol..

saw like 6 of my primary school mates..all guys and also one of my seniors from primary school..coz all the nerds in my pri school either ended up in RGS or RI or ACSI and then they inevitably are drawn towards RJ's extremely perfect population of hot ppl who are both smart and disgustingly fit..ugh. anw..none of them recognised me..which i take to be a good thing coz u do NOT wanna know what i looked like in primary school. trust me.

haha..so basically today was breaking-the-rules-and-living-a-little day..and of course it was also admiring-the-hot-bods-and-getting-increasingly-jealous day too..lol..and surprisingly we dint get caught. we were so obvious..we were walking around talking abt nj at the top of our voices and lynn was like practically announcing to everyone that we were crashing..lol..so that was funny. and it was great seeing other cedarians again...almost makes me look forward to next friday.

ALMOST being the key word of course.

oh yes...i just wanted to state publicly that i find keanu reeves unbearably sexy and painfully hot.

but that does not mean i am betraying marat safin..coz he's undoubtedly the cutest guy currently residing in this world right now. he's got the whole thang going man..plus the tennis thing is an added benefit..and it doesnt hurt that he's no.4 in the world right now..PLUS, the most impt thing..he does not have a GF and is NOT ATTACHED!!!

dont worry..i am not deluding myself abt the chances i have concerning him. but its certainly nice to dream. and think. and fantasize. and imagine. =)

haha so i have to go now..update again soon...def before next friday. 'ta =)

CNY holidays

yay..CNY was so much fun..

ok correction: CNY holidays. NOT CNY celebrations..those sucked big time..like i didnt do anything in school..i just sat around watching my classmates play cards (too bad we had only 1 deck) and do some calligraphy or some shit..it was really really boring..and afterwards a certain someone (who prob wont read this anyway..lol) didnt tell me that the other cedarians were going to cedar..coz in the morning everyone didnt want to go..so i missed out...but anw the teachers weren't there and stuff..so i didnt miss out on much =)

anw back to CNY holidays: SO FUN *go totally out of character and squeal*

ytd had the get together with the others..it was quite fun even though a lot of ppl were missing (unfortunately) and i was pretty tired (i really dunno why coz i slept for like 3 hours in the afternoon) but it was really fun..and many new revelations were made..and since i dunno how to passcode protect this entry i am not gonna say it here =)..but its mostly about..u guessed it..guys..lol everyone seems to have some problem with them except me..i havent figured out whether that's bad or good..haha..anw..so that was fun..

and i asked sneha about J from cricket (who my friend likes..not me)..and she told me abt all the eye candy at rj..but i dunno whether i should crash coz they're really strict abt absentee-ism at nj and im scared i'll get caught at rj..so dunno lah..i mean i will def go if someone else is going..and if im going; I CANT WAIT...after all that sneha's told me im up and ready to go...just say the word..LOL

i really really should stop sounding like an utter despo who seems like she stalks guys for a living.

and then today: went out with priya to watch constantine and eat at pizza hut in PS..it was really really fun..i didnt realise how much i missed her company til today..its such a pity we dont live closer to each other or sth..of course we talked abt alot of stuff..like..u guessed it..guys and certain people who are really bad at keeping in touch. oh well i dont really wanna talk about these people coz its really depressing. esp if u thought very much that u guys were really close and that u guys were gonna be like friends forever and then it turned out that u couldnt even talk to each other once in the past month..

oh well. its their loss really. im fine and peachy without them. =) and im perfectly happy with the company im in right now so im good.

cant wait to go for cricket practice tmr...its really fun..not to mention certain additional benefits of course =)

oh shit.

oh f**king shit.

i havent done one ounce of studying for my econs test!!! *panicked look* i am so dead. even when i study i cant do the MCQ questions..how'm i gonna do a test without studying!!!

ok i have to go. go and *sniff* do some econs. dont get me wrong; i like econs..very interesting subject. but i dont like econs questions. or econs exams. or econs h/w. or econs tests!!!

this is unfair. why cant they just do a verbal test or sth..where they ask u questions instead of making u write essays and stuffos..ok wtv.

im not thinking straight. i have to go.

NOW. =( wish me luck...

heyz peeps...am back...im so flattered by all the encouragements from ppl trying to make me update...showz that im not the only one who goes to my blog...=p..do i sound despo??

ok if i do im not thinking straight. of course if i dont sound despo then i am thinking straight.

am i even making sense? haha...ok wth im too tired to think...im too tired to do anything most days..ive already gotten in trouble with my chem and c math teachers..haha..coz i never do h/w...i could have done it during break(s) but dunno man..seeing as how ive become such a bridge addict its no wonder i dint..lol..

school's been ok so far...ive cut down my 8 ccas to just 2..(even though my mum is making alot of noise).. cricket and college publications though i dunno whether im staying on in pub coz a certain someone is abandoning me and joining OAC...*pissed expression*..haha...dunno what happened to our newsletter idea...it just kinda fizzled out after a while...well actually after one day..the day we thought of it...LOL.

well its been ok except for certain types of pressure that refuse to go away. if ure not too stupid u should know what im talking abt...haha..anw..

oh yes...i must mention this. nj is totally devoid of eye candy =(...im getting utterly utterly deprived..haha..i wanna crash ac or even rj coz my friend's friend who crashed from rj was going on at length abt all the eye candy that im missing out on...they're even of the same race!!!!

LOL. ok now i sound really despo. and utterly pathetic. as if i have no life. as if all i do is think abt guys.

i dont. really.

LOL. ok this post is utterly completely totally screwed up. i dont really know what to say man...there's too much info..i feel like just hanging (conveniently) and not doing anything..haha...

classes have been ok. as ive said...information overload in some subjects. and A level chem is totally beyond me. not to mention physics errors and uncertainties. and of course econs as well. i dont need to mention tamil..anyone who knows me well enough should know what is running through my mind right now...lol...this may be funny to read. but its not funny to me...hmph.

its not fair that i have to slave away in tamil class just becoz i dint do well in psle tamil!!! its completely unfair and utterly stupid...just becoz tamil is totally beyond me does not mean that putting me through another year of this extreme torture is justifiable!!! in fact the fact that tamil is beyond me should be reason enough for me to avoid taking tamil!!!!

argh. venting my frustrations here is not the same. there's no one on the immediate receiving end. *depressed look*

does this entry sound depressing? coz im not u know...im just very very tired. very. extremely. completely. utterly. like totally. in fact im completely satisfied with the way things are turning out and evolving. jc life may be hectic and tiring...but its the satisfying kind of tiring not the depressed and mentally anguished kind of tiring. not the tiredness i experienced sometimes in cedar that was really awful...especially during certain activities...oh well..its over and done with anyway...and this does not mean i dont miss cedar.

i do miss cedar. everyday. i just want to go back to the familiarity that is cedar and face no extra pressure like what im facing everyday now. not that im saying jc is bad. its fun.

ok im confused. LOL...ok this entry is weird right? i suggest reading it again if u really want to make sense of it coz that is what i did before writing this para...LOL...ok dudez...since i have lived up to my blog's name my job here is done.

for the time being. =)