np. dance of envy - dil to pagal hai

got a new layout. but the peas on earth one will forever be my favourite. its bloody cute =) oh well. felt like a change though.

anw.

to all G12 ppl: i love u guys and there will be a huge gaping hole that cannot be filled by anybody but you guys when i leave. im really touched by everything *beamz* and i seriously appreciate the thought and effort put into it. That was really the highlight of my week (not that there's much competition). Thank you so very much.

i'm feeling a bit depressed. actually make that very depressed. even more so than usual. i cant get out of it. someone please reassure me that this is normal. maybe its coz ive been listening to sad hindi songs the whole day. or maybe its coz i didnt sleep the whole of last night coz i had nightmares which i don't remember. wtf. even my memory is dysfunctional.

maybe its coz im feeling woefully inadequate. i cant shake the feeling that i dont have what it takes to do what my parents want me to do with my future. everyday is spent having talks abt this very issue and to tell the truth, even if it was kind of interesting at first, im getting heartily sick of the subject. whenever the subject is mentioned i feel like screaming and running to my room and burying my head under my pillow, holding my breath until i absolutely need to breathe again.

somewhere in the back of my head a tiny little voice tells me that im not good enough, that whatever i do i wont be able to keep up and that now its too late to start something new. i cant shake it. ive tried. i really have. nothing works. it utterly defeats me that my parents expect so much of me and that i probably cant go through with it.

this probably isnt gonna help though, is it. people generally dont like talking about difficult or sensitive stuff. it just isnt done. not in this selfish world where no one cares about anyone but themselves. they might not show it out. but its true. and though its taken me a while to realize this, i have. and i dont like it. i really dont. i just want to go and hide in some corner and be forgotten. is that normal?