So I've been putting this off for as long as possible. Writing in my blog that is. Don't even know why.
No actually I do. Firstly, no one reads this blog because it's DEAD (which is my fault). Secondly, I don't know where to start. It's like I'm not exactly at the peak of my creative cycle (it's NOT as regular as the menstrual cycle sadly =D). I hardly even know what I'm writing right now.
But then again, you (you being the hypothetical person who reads my blog) might ask, why am I blogging now if I'm lamenting at the same time that I can't? Well that's also coz of a couple of reasons: I'm completely, utterly bored. Sure, I could be writing the article for the newsletter but I don't feel like. And with writing, at least for me, it should come naturally. If it doesn't it's not as good. And bad writing, especially MY bad writing just kills me. Second, I was just compelled to come online and blog. Like, I didn't even know what I was doing. Usually I click on the msn messenger icon and logg in first to see whether there were any interesting people online which, nowadays, doesn't happen much (maybe it's coz msn doesn't really appeal to me as much as it did before). But today I went straight to safari and went to www.blogger.com and now here I am, stumbling through a blog entry.
I know what they mean by writer's block now. Writer's block is HORRIBLE. Trying to describe it does not even BEGIN to come close to actually feeling the block. It's like being completely unable to express yourself. Think of a person who loves to talk but then, is one day, rendered mute. Think of a person who's very life is music but then, is one day, rendered deaf. Think of a soccer player who's just been told that he can never play soccer ever again because he broke his legs.
It's like that. I hate the feeling. Of course, I'm not feeling it on that level, probably because I'm not a full-time writer. But it just scares me. I mean, if this affects me so much now, imagine how dependent I would be on myself and my talents when I grow up and start working! Is this how being old is - being unable to do what you have been doing for your whole life?
Maybe I'll have to change my answer to that question that people like to ask each other: Work for passion, or for money. I've always said that I would work for passion. But in the end, if it's all just going to stop, just like this sentence.
Maybe it's a good thing I'm doing engineering instead of political science or journalism.
Morbidity is definitely NOT GOOD when you're all alone at home.
In other news, I'm off to McGill (it's in Montreal, Canada for all the hypothetical dingbats who didn't know and who are going to read my blog). I'm really quite excited. Sure, I have those worries about how I might not fit in. But c'mon, it's a big place. I'm sure to find someone as zany as me there.
I really hope I do. Else, university is going to be terrible. I need a fellow pigeon wherever I go.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
After a Really Long Time...
Blogging is like swimming. If you stop doing it for a really long time, a time in which you have changed, matured, evolved, transmuted, and then you start again, despite your misgivings about how you're going to be able to write like you did because you're afraid of what you might say or you don't really want to see what you're actually thinking about in front of you in black and white, now that you're a different person, the words come naturally, very naturally in fact.
But I'm still at a loss - what should the sequence be like? Should I start with the most apparent - my upcoming exams - or should I start with something else - the fact that I'm sad that there is an end to every single thing in life? Or should I just talk about everything and nothing? That would be an interesting topic to talk about with someone.
I guess I'm just being really random because...well because of certain things that I don't really want to talk about...not because they're not something I would want to talk about under any circumstance, but because I don't know what they are. Existence is certainly disquieting at times.
But if I had to put my finger on it, I guess what's causing me to talk this way is my fear. Not pure, primal, unadulterated fear. But anticipatory fear; fear of the unknown as we so adequately put it. What's to come? It was all very nice to merely talk about it with people, research about it on the internet, learn about it through various secondary resources, filling out forms and condensing my entire life history to a few blanks on several sheets of paper, writing essay after essay, draft after draft. I thought that was exciting, exhilarating, life-changing. But now I Don't Know what is going to happen to me. I Don't. I am not in total control of my future right now and that is scaring the BEJEEZES out of me. [Where does that word come from anyway? I mean, which country? And what the hell does it mean?].
I want to know what is going to happen at this moment. What will happen. Will I make the right choices? Am I going to make the singularly most devastating choice in my entire life by doing what I will ultimately end up doing?
I only know this: I am going to be in a completely different place 4 or 5 months from now (depends on where I go). And I am going to have to adjust, go with the flow - all of that. Whether I like it or not. Whether I'm scared or unsure or unprepared for an independent life in a place I have never lived in (unless I end up going to NUS).
I am such a coward. It's really difficult to hold your own especially if you don't know where you're going to have to do precisely that. Shakespeare is so right: The waiting interim is definitely worse than the outcome or resolution.
But I'm still at a loss - what should the sequence be like? Should I start with the most apparent - my upcoming exams - or should I start with something else - the fact that I'm sad that there is an end to every single thing in life? Or should I just talk about everything and nothing? That would be an interesting topic to talk about with someone.
I guess I'm just being really random because...well because of certain things that I don't really want to talk about...not because they're not something I would want to talk about under any circumstance, but because I don't know what they are. Existence is certainly disquieting at times.
But if I had to put my finger on it, I guess what's causing me to talk this way is my fear. Not pure, primal, unadulterated fear. But anticipatory fear; fear of the unknown as we so adequately put it. What's to come? It was all very nice to merely talk about it with people, research about it on the internet, learn about it through various secondary resources, filling out forms and condensing my entire life history to a few blanks on several sheets of paper, writing essay after essay, draft after draft. I thought that was exciting, exhilarating, life-changing. But now I Don't Know what is going to happen to me. I Don't. I am not in total control of my future right now and that is scaring the BEJEEZES out of me. [Where does that word come from anyway? I mean, which country? And what the hell does it mean?].
I want to know what is going to happen at this moment. What will happen. Will I make the right choices? Am I going to make the singularly most devastating choice in my entire life by doing what I will ultimately end up doing?
I only know this: I am going to be in a completely different place 4 or 5 months from now (depends on where I go). And I am going to have to adjust, go with the flow - all of that. Whether I like it or not. Whether I'm scared or unsure or unprepared for an independent life in a place I have never lived in (unless I end up going to NUS).
I am such a coward. It's really difficult to hold your own especially if you don't know where you're going to have to do precisely that. Shakespeare is so right: The waiting interim is definitely worse than the outcome or resolution.
Monday, October 30, 2006
college essays
So i was just writing Yale's second essay yesterday and i just realized something. It might seem really obvious to everyone else but I dunno why, this relevation really struck me...hard. I'M GROWING UP!!!!. After writing the essay (it was a personal statement...they wanted to know how a certain experience changed your outlook...feelings stuff like that), when i was re-reading it, I really could not believe that I had written it! It was so unlike my usual self.
I remembered that when i was writing it, there was no hesitation and everything flowed really freely. I guess that's coz this was the first essay that I have written which is purely, PURELY based on my feelings and emotions. I think everyone should be made to write like that; then they would be less confused and they would see more that is true about themselves.
You know how people say that many people don't know what they're really like coz its difficult to look at yourself objectively and criticize yourself?? It's completely true. I've experienced it and you want to know how?? By writing this and other college essays.
[I've also discovered that me and my dad DO NOT have the same opinion about writing...our styles are completely different. His is so, so much more formal. I can be both formal and informal but not formal to the extent that he is. He uses such big words!!! like in every single sentence!!!! egad. Also, both of us hate someone else criticizing our work. But we also love to criticize other people's work. We have this fiendish desire to point out their mistakes. Or maybe that's just me. =D]
So basically, my whole point is that even though writing them might be a HUGE, MAJOR pain in the ass, college essays really provide you with insights to yourself when you read them after you've written them. I can honestly say that if my postgraduate application asks me what was the most enriching experience I've ever had, I would definitely write about my exprience of writing these essays and how they've helped me look at myself in a different light. Or maybe not. Depending on my college life for the next couple of years.
omg. I am going to COLLEGE (UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!) in like A YEAR. where did all that time go??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!!
I remembered that when i was writing it, there was no hesitation and everything flowed really freely. I guess that's coz this was the first essay that I have written which is purely, PURELY based on my feelings and emotions. I think everyone should be made to write like that; then they would be less confused and they would see more that is true about themselves.
You know how people say that many people don't know what they're really like coz its difficult to look at yourself objectively and criticize yourself?? It's completely true. I've experienced it and you want to know how?? By writing this and other college essays.
[I've also discovered that me and my dad DO NOT have the same opinion about writing...our styles are completely different. His is so, so much more formal. I can be both formal and informal but not formal to the extent that he is. He uses such big words!!! like in every single sentence!!!! egad. Also, both of us hate someone else criticizing our work. But we also love to criticize other people's work. We have this fiendish desire to point out their mistakes. Or maybe that's just me. =D]
So basically, my whole point is that even though writing them might be a HUGE, MAJOR pain in the ass, college essays really provide you with insights to yourself when you read them after you've written them. I can honestly say that if my postgraduate application asks me what was the most enriching experience I've ever had, I would definitely write about my exprience of writing these essays and how they've helped me look at myself in a different light. Or maybe not. Depending on my college life for the next couple of years.
omg. I am going to COLLEGE (UNIVERSITY!!!!!!!!!) in like A YEAR. where did all that time go??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?!?!!
Saturday, October 21, 2006
random musings
I'm back from TISB again; a little older (18 here I come), a little closer to what may turn out to be impending doom for me and, as hard as it might be for some of you to believe, a little wiser as well. Well, not exactly wiser, but more nostalgic. I think that I'm not quite ready to turn 18. I mean, I constantly hear from others my age that they cannot wait to turn 18 and grow up but somehow, I don't feel the same. I feel like sticking my claws into 17. and maybe walking backwards from there. I find myself envying my siblings - their lack of worry about anything other than themselves is almost fascinating. I keep obsessing about the fact that I'm growing up so fast - I don't want to. It's scary and I don't know what to do. But I guess I have to deal with it.
But why? Why do I have to deal with it? Just because everyone who's facing the same dilemma as I am has dealt with it doesn't mean I have to. I know that in the end I will, because I have to (due to several factors, of which, the most important is my parents), but that knowledge doesn't prevent me from asking why. In fact it is the reason I am asking this question because if I didn't know that I would ultimately deal with reality, I wouldn't be fighting so hard against doing that in the meantime, until I am absolutely forced to do it. Ironic. But so true.
I think that only I will ever truly understand what I have written above. This is so unlike me. You're right Sam, I have changed. I've become more serious, more contemplative, more grown-up. I'm (finally) maturing. I don't want to. What I wouldn't give right now to backtrack a couple of years and return to Secondary 2 or 4, during which I had so much fun. Without this incessant worry about my future education, about growing up, about any of this (crap) stuff that I keep thinking about now.
Ok so I went to eat dinner and now I'm back and my mood is COMPLETELY different. weird. Now I feel normal again. Or as close to normal as I can get with a truckload of Boredom on my head and oozing out of my pockets and shirtsleeves. Imagery! I am becoming literary! I am so obsessed with Hamlet but I'm not as obsessed as those idiots who memorize lines from Plays etc. etc. and start quoting them to every Tom, Dick or Harry. I'm in a state of, what you call, dignified obsession. =D I'm dignifiedly obsessed.
Hamlet is so intriguing. His personality is so multi-faceted - every single time that you think you have got him down pat and understood him from every viewpoint, BAM, he changes again and it's like there's a whole new protagonist in the play. Shakespeare was a Literary Genius; I never comprehended this until I read Hamlet. I did Julius Caeasar last year but that pales in comparison (I hated it btw) to Hamlet. Ooh I love this play; if only I had Mr. Colin as my teacher this year as well, there would have been such wonder =D
Oh I just remembered what my mum was telling me that my dad did day before yesterday (thursday) when he went to buy firecrackers from a nearby store. Okay, before I recite what happened, one piece of info that is necessary for anything that follows this to make sense: My dad doesn't know an ounce of hindi except for "Karo" - which means do - and "Ja" - which means go. It's really funny when he tries to talk in hindi and gets confused with tamil and english and then makes a sentence in all three [for instance: We'll get into the vundi and school karo, which translates in my dad's language as We'll get into the car and go to school. haha!].
Ok anyway so apparently he goes to this shop and he's second in line after this other customer. So the guy behind the counter gives him a list of all the firecrackers available in the shop and asks him to select what he wanted by ticking against the item(s). My dad was perfectly fine with this and whipped out a pen, ready to use some ink(!), until he realized that the list of items was entirely in HINDI. haha! Even the numbers were in hindi -- every single written figure on the list was in hindi and, as a result, my dad was completely lost. He tried telling the guy behind the counter that he did not understand hindi, but either the guy didn't understand or wasn't listening, my dad couldn't manage to get his point across to him.
So....my dad randomly ticked stuff! He said he ticked every other item!!! haha. damn funny. and then he gave the list to the guy behind the counter (there were like 30 items and my dad had ticked around 10 or so when he had gone there to buy just 5). Then my dad cleverly waited for the guy to start bringing the stuff to the counter and then rejected whatever he didn't want after seeing whatever he had ticked. Also, he randomly pointed apparently. My brother found it hilarious (my brother had gone with him to the shop). HAHA! damn funny.
Sometimes, it is instances like these that make me realize that my family is a fun, happening bunch of people. Seriously. I mean, I was starting to think my dad was a grim, unyielding workaholic due to our several arguments concerning university and dual degrees during my last visit to bombay (dusherra break). And then he goes and does this and it's just so funny -- I was in splits. All of my family members have such colourful personalities it's quite difficult to feel bored when I'm around them. Unless, of course, if I'm in a I'll-be-bored-no-matter-what-you-do mood or if I'm with one of them when they're in a I'm-going-to-be-boring-now mood. But otherwise they're just so fun.
This fact is precisely what is keeping me sane here in Bombay. I am so bored here because I have like no accessible friends -- just one, and she's like half an hour away if I'm lucky and there's no traffic. Plus, Bombay is her home-town and she's got a social network here. I don't. So most of the time, I'm just stuck in the house, staring at the computer screen, my eyes all glazed and my head hurting from constant exposure to the screen. My idea of fun?? I don't think so. It's almost enough to make me wish I'm back in Bangalore. Almost, but not quite. I'd rather spend 10 years cooped up inside this Bombay house than go back to my school in Bangalore when I don't need to.
Complex emotions, Check. All of them negative, Check. Shit. That kind of sucks.
Blearghhhh.
But why? Why do I have to deal with it? Just because everyone who's facing the same dilemma as I am has dealt with it doesn't mean I have to. I know that in the end I will, because I have to (due to several factors, of which, the most important is my parents), but that knowledge doesn't prevent me from asking why. In fact it is the reason I am asking this question because if I didn't know that I would ultimately deal with reality, I wouldn't be fighting so hard against doing that in the meantime, until I am absolutely forced to do it. Ironic. But so true.
I think that only I will ever truly understand what I have written above. This is so unlike me. You're right Sam, I have changed. I've become more serious, more contemplative, more grown-up. I'm (finally) maturing. I don't want to. What I wouldn't give right now to backtrack a couple of years and return to Secondary 2 or 4, during which I had so much fun. Without this incessant worry about my future education, about growing up, about any of this (crap) stuff that I keep thinking about now.
Ok so I went to eat dinner and now I'm back and my mood is COMPLETELY different. weird. Now I feel normal again. Or as close to normal as I can get with a truckload of Boredom on my head and oozing out of my pockets and shirtsleeves. Imagery! I am becoming literary! I am so obsessed with Hamlet but I'm not as obsessed as those idiots who memorize lines from Plays etc. etc. and start quoting them to every Tom, Dick or Harry. I'm in a state of, what you call, dignified obsession. =D I'm dignifiedly obsessed.
Hamlet is so intriguing. His personality is so multi-faceted - every single time that you think you have got him down pat and understood him from every viewpoint, BAM, he changes again and it's like there's a whole new protagonist in the play. Shakespeare was a Literary Genius; I never comprehended this until I read Hamlet. I did Julius Caeasar last year but that pales in comparison (I hated it btw) to Hamlet. Ooh I love this play; if only I had Mr. Colin as my teacher this year as well, there would have been such wonder =D
Oh I just remembered what my mum was telling me that my dad did day before yesterday (thursday) when he went to buy firecrackers from a nearby store. Okay, before I recite what happened, one piece of info that is necessary for anything that follows this to make sense: My dad doesn't know an ounce of hindi except for "Karo" - which means do - and "Ja" - which means go. It's really funny when he tries to talk in hindi and gets confused with tamil and english and then makes a sentence in all three [for instance: We'll get into the vundi and school karo, which translates in my dad's language as We'll get into the car and go to school. haha!].
Ok anyway so apparently he goes to this shop and he's second in line after this other customer. So the guy behind the counter gives him a list of all the firecrackers available in the shop and asks him to select what he wanted by ticking against the item(s). My dad was perfectly fine with this and whipped out a pen, ready to use some ink(!), until he realized that the list of items was entirely in HINDI. haha! Even the numbers were in hindi -- every single written figure on the list was in hindi and, as a result, my dad was completely lost. He tried telling the guy behind the counter that he did not understand hindi, but either the guy didn't understand or wasn't listening, my dad couldn't manage to get his point across to him.
So....my dad randomly ticked stuff! He said he ticked every other item!!! haha. damn funny. and then he gave the list to the guy behind the counter (there were like 30 items and my dad had ticked around 10 or so when he had gone there to buy just 5). Then my dad cleverly waited for the guy to start bringing the stuff to the counter and then rejected whatever he didn't want after seeing whatever he had ticked. Also, he randomly pointed apparently. My brother found it hilarious (my brother had gone with him to the shop). HAHA! damn funny.
Sometimes, it is instances like these that make me realize that my family is a fun, happening bunch of people. Seriously. I mean, I was starting to think my dad was a grim, unyielding workaholic due to our several arguments concerning university and dual degrees during my last visit to bombay (dusherra break). And then he goes and does this and it's just so funny -- I was in splits. All of my family members have such colourful personalities it's quite difficult to feel bored when I'm around them. Unless, of course, if I'm in a I'll-be-bored-no-matter-what-you-do mood or if I'm with one of them when they're in a I'm-going-to-be-boring-now mood. But otherwise they're just so fun.
This fact is precisely what is keeping me sane here in Bombay. I am so bored here because I have like no accessible friends -- just one, and she's like half an hour away if I'm lucky and there's no traffic. Plus, Bombay is her home-town and she's got a social network here. I don't. So most of the time, I'm just stuck in the house, staring at the computer screen, my eyes all glazed and my head hurting from constant exposure to the screen. My idea of fun?? I don't think so. It's almost enough to make me wish I'm back in Bangalore. Almost, but not quite. I'd rather spend 10 years cooped up inside this Bombay house than go back to my school in Bangalore when I don't need to.
Complex emotions, Check. All of them negative, Check. Shit. That kind of sucks.
Blearghhhh.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
deadlines
I'm not so much in the mood for expounding on political theories and anti-bush thoughts that are running through my head right now. Right now, I'm more of a highly confused teenager, who knows nothing about what she wants to do for the rest of her life and who never wants to go back to bangalore because so many nice, interesting and viable options are open for her right where she is, in Mumbai.
Why am i talking about myself in third person?? haha...just realized.
Anyway, 3 more days for the return-to-bangalore-for-the-most-hectic-academic-year-of-my-life episode to start. Unfortunately, even while i know in my head that this year is going to be crucial and what i do in the upcoming year might very well shape the rest of my life, this hasn't properly struck me yet. I don't know why it hasn't, seeing as I already know it and have come to terms with it (i think - when i really really comes to terms with this fact, i have a feeling im not going to be as calm as i am now). I don't even want to leave Mumbai, coz this summer vacation was the only thing seperating my 11th year from my 12th year, and the end of this vacation symbolises everything i have been working for my whole life.
I am going to be in university in a year's time, and what I do in the upcoming year will play a crucial role in deciding whether I'm a school-dropout or a person worthy of accomplishing all the (unbeliveably and unrealistically) high-level goals my parents have set for me.
I also don't want to leave Mumbai because...well, because, leaving Mumbai will result in my detachment from a large number of things (and people) who give me joy and give me some reasons for living. I had forgotten what boarding was like, and I suspect that the next couple of weeks, during which I am going to be reacquanting myself with boarding life, aren't going to be very pleasant. That is, to say the least. =[
Egad. I'm sad. Again. Will call someone up now so I can cheer up before I go to bed. I need to sleep and to sleep I need to be happy and to be happy i have to start to stop obsessing.
Why am i talking about myself in third person?? haha...just realized.
Anyway, 3 more days for the return-to-bangalore-for-the-most-hectic-academic-year-of-my-life episode to start. Unfortunately, even while i know in my head that this year is going to be crucial and what i do in the upcoming year might very well shape the rest of my life, this hasn't properly struck me yet. I don't know why it hasn't, seeing as I already know it and have come to terms with it (i think - when i really really comes to terms with this fact, i have a feeling im not going to be as calm as i am now). I don't even want to leave Mumbai, coz this summer vacation was the only thing seperating my 11th year from my 12th year, and the end of this vacation symbolises everything i have been working for my whole life.
I am going to be in university in a year's time, and what I do in the upcoming year will play a crucial role in deciding whether I'm a school-dropout or a person worthy of accomplishing all the (unbeliveably and unrealistically) high-level goals my parents have set for me.
I also don't want to leave Mumbai because...well, because, leaving Mumbai will result in my detachment from a large number of things (and people) who give me joy and give me some reasons for living. I had forgotten what boarding was like, and I suspect that the next couple of weeks, during which I am going to be reacquanting myself with boarding life, aren't going to be very pleasant. That is, to say the least. =[
Egad. I'm sad. Again. Will call someone up now so I can cheer up before I go to bed. I need to sleep and to sleep I need to be happy and to be happy i have to start to stop obsessing.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Trouble, strife and all things (NOT) nice.
I was just reading up about the Israel vs Hezbollah (plus Iran, Tehran and every other –ran) – and yes I know that in some places it is spelt Hezballah/Hizbollah/Hizbollah. But in Newsweek its spelt Hezbollah. Anyway, so I was catching up on all the news online today coz the local paper doesn’t cover much ground on this issue as it is too busy talking about the (multitude of) problems in India itself to care much about overseas problems. Unless, of course, they are very major. [btw, if I hurt the sentiments of any random Indian person who just happens to come across my blog on the www, I should have been more specific – I meant the newspaper which used to come to my house, I think it’s the Times of India, until my mother decided economic times is much better and started subscribing only to that. That was a couple of days ago.] So compounded with the fact that my internet hasn’t been working for the last 2 days or sth, this meant that I couldn’t access news at all, except through my dad coz he goes to work and they have internet there – DUH. Ok I realize I have rambled.
Yeah. So I was reading and it struck me that if the US of A, lead by that oh-so-great George W. Bush, hadn’t taken to violently invading Iraq a couple of years ago, or if it starts to stop blindly supporting Israel, we wouldn’t be having such an escalated problem. Talking about USA’s invasion of Iraq, it was completely uncalled for. [I know everyone knows this, but since I think it’s a pertinent perpetrator of the current problem in Israel/Iran, I have to include this as well.]
The UN didn’t even sanction this action by USA, and George Bush, conveniently decided that he was correct in his stand, even though practically no other member country of the UN Security Council sided with him, and went ahead with the invasion. The fact that he is the president of the country which provides the largest percentage of the UN’s funds and that without this substantial amount of funds provided by USA, the UN would not be even half as effective as it is now (its not exactly THAT effective now even), was not lost on the world as well as Bush himself. So, he calmly, coolly and confidently went on to invade Iraq.
And when he did so, apart from all the other more obvious adverse effects that we hear about – such as terrible behaviour on the part of the US troops in Iraq, and governmental crisis in Iraq etc. – there was another negative effect. Or so I believe. USA unwittingly showed other countries that violence is an option for the settlement of an international disagreement. The world saw that the USA violated Iraq ruthlessly, killing thousands of innocent civilians (notice I am not even mentioning Saddaam Hussein – his capture was like one small benefit that resulted from this war) and got away with it completely scot-free. Of course, now the USA is realizing, or they have already realized, that maybe, taking over a whole other country which is so different in ideology from their own country, is no mean-feat. They now know not to, so easily, do the same thing all over again with another country because they have realized that if they do so, the whole aftermath, along with any unforeseen circumstances (guerilla warfare etc.) have to be handled by them. And that no other country, maybe with the exception of UK (due to that monkey, Tony Blair) in the case of USA, is going to help them. Or have anything to do with them.
USA basically sanctioned this method of settling international, cross-border disagreements – they have showed the whole world that violence is something that a country can commit against another country, and get away with it. And in my opinion, that is exactly why Israel has done this. It has shamelessly taken advantage of its relationship (watch Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 please – though I only watched a bit of it. Actually don’t watch it. Its rather confusing. It implies that USA has secret ties with both Arab countries and Israel. Ok I don’t remember exactly, so if I have got this point wrong, please tell me someone) with USA and of the mysterious power it has over Bush’s administration.
I am not saying that Hizbollah and Iran (maybe more Tehran actually) is not at fault. They started this whole thing. But this issue has been resolved before without any bloodshed (read Newsweek July 31st issue) and prisoners and dead bodies have exchanged hands (between Israel and Iran). So Israel, being the obviously superior country with more firepower and backup in terms of armed personnel as well as international support (from USA!!!!!!!!!), should have looked at this issue more rationally and tried to come to a peaceful resolution. I mean, its ok if they had shed some blood, but this much!
As of today, the death toll, according to http://www.cnn.com/ stands at 1000 people altogether, and the VAST majority of those dead people come from Iran, not Israel. Israel, as well as USA and the rest of the world, know that they are going to win this war. They know this. And yet they continue to – dare I say – invade Iran and kill innocent civilians, who when polled by Newsweek reporters, say that they want no part in this war and that they are more concerned with internal problems and issues.
How can USA stand by and watch this?? They are even supplying extra ammunition to Israel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!! What we need now is not violence but peaceful coexistence!!!!!! I mean there’s no getting around geography you know, if you’re situated in a place, you’re situated in a place. You can’t just change your neighbours!! If Israel is next to iran now, those two countries have to learn to coexist, or all the people who live there will become nothing more than refugees, and will have impoverished lives [i dont even want to start talking about the economic and social problems right now, coz that is a WHOLE other issue].
In fact, that area will become another Africa, and we all know the MULTIDUDE of problems Africa is going through right now. And we know who’s going to be more affected by the violence don’t we? The evidence is there, staring right at us, IRAN. OK Israel civilians are dying and North Israel is getting bombed, and Hizbollah is fighting back, yes I know that Iran is not completely rid of fault. Part of the blame does lie with them. But Israel, being the superior country here, should stop this incessant violence!
I’m just happy that the UN is doing SOMETHING, and its doing that something fast. Apparently a new resolution has been passed and Israel and Iran have signed a peace treaty, but I can’t get exact details on that now coz the internet connection here (I’m in my friend’s place) is screwed up. Oh and I also heard that Israel is still (STILL!??!?!?!) invading Iran and moving their ground troops further in. [I so have to check on these two things once I get access.]
It all comes down to USA really. USA and that screwed up administration. Oh and the screwed up population which keeps voting in popularity polls FOR Bush, instead of against him. Clinton was so diplomatic in comparison. Bush is all gung-ho and violence and Clinton always took care not to ruffle too many feathers – politically at least. I am NOT talking about his personal life. Just because he cheated on his wife [I AM NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS OK], doesn’t mean that he was a bad President. I mean, whenever mentions Clinton nowadays, the first thing [don’t deny this] that comes to people’s minds is that issue with Monica Lewinsky. I can’t recall the actual details of what exactly happened on account of being like in primary school or sth. Yeah. But seriously, take it from me, if I am saying that Clinton is better, I REALLY think Bush sucks as Mr. President.
Oh well. These are just my views anyway. Please, please do feel free to comment on anything that I’ve written – if I’ve made a mistake, please comment as well. And if you want to write something longer than what you can type on the tagboard, you can click the tab which says “Comments,” that is situated below this post. I’d really appreciate if someone goes for or against (YES! I want to argue!!!) my view or if someone has anything, generally, to say about this issue. =D [I don't even care if you don't put your name and instead just type a comment with your name as 'anonymous.' SEE! i am so nice!!]
omG! I just realized that this is my first post after coming to India that does not deal with my depression or my incessant complaints about the negative qualities that India, unfortunately, possesses. Oh well. I guess its coz I don’t really want to blog about MUN. My committee sucks. Thank god for delegates like my co-delegate. They do all the work and the rest of us just sit around and make noise. And some of us just make random comments sometimes. But apart from that, we just goof around. And I yawn. And think desperately of going home. Yes. ECOSOC is BORING unless you know what you’re doing, like my co-delegate who I mentioned earlier. He is so involved! Does everything, signs everything, writes everything, discusses everything, comments on everything, waves his placard for everything etc. you get my drift. So proactive. And all I do is yawn.
I think I’m more cut out for debate than I am for MUN. At least for debate, you have a proper topic, and all the speakers are decent, and there’s discipline amongst the general public, as well as the speakers. And they have better topics. In fact, the topics I have for this MUN are pretty debatable in a proper debate – one is on African gender inequality and the other is on Improving the conditions of a country stricken with natural disaster by way of improving their resistance (eg. Early warning system, infrastructure etc.) and by providing both short-term and long-term (effective) aid to these countries.
You know, I actually kind of miss debate. Crap. Oh well.
P.S. Sok, I WILL (and I have done some already) do my homework ok! Stop broadcasting that I haven’t done it on the www man! Someone could read it (LIKE MY TEACHER!!!!).
Ok I have to go now coz my eyes are tired. *eyes droop shut*
Yeah. So I was reading and it struck me that if the US of A, lead by that oh-so-great George W. Bush, hadn’t taken to violently invading Iraq a couple of years ago, or if it starts to stop blindly supporting Israel, we wouldn’t be having such an escalated problem. Talking about USA’s invasion of Iraq, it was completely uncalled for. [I know everyone knows this, but since I think it’s a pertinent perpetrator of the current problem in Israel/Iran, I have to include this as well.]
The UN didn’t even sanction this action by USA, and George Bush, conveniently decided that he was correct in his stand, even though practically no other member country of the UN Security Council sided with him, and went ahead with the invasion. The fact that he is the president of the country which provides the largest percentage of the UN’s funds and that without this substantial amount of funds provided by USA, the UN would not be even half as effective as it is now (its not exactly THAT effective now even), was not lost on the world as well as Bush himself. So, he calmly, coolly and confidently went on to invade Iraq.
And when he did so, apart from all the other more obvious adverse effects that we hear about – such as terrible behaviour on the part of the US troops in Iraq, and governmental crisis in Iraq etc. – there was another negative effect. Or so I believe. USA unwittingly showed other countries that violence is an option for the settlement of an international disagreement. The world saw that the USA violated Iraq ruthlessly, killing thousands of innocent civilians (notice I am not even mentioning Saddaam Hussein – his capture was like one small benefit that resulted from this war) and got away with it completely scot-free. Of course, now the USA is realizing, or they have already realized, that maybe, taking over a whole other country which is so different in ideology from their own country, is no mean-feat. They now know not to, so easily, do the same thing all over again with another country because they have realized that if they do so, the whole aftermath, along with any unforeseen circumstances (guerilla warfare etc.) have to be handled by them. And that no other country, maybe with the exception of UK (due to that monkey, Tony Blair) in the case of USA, is going to help them. Or have anything to do with them.
USA basically sanctioned this method of settling international, cross-border disagreements – they have showed the whole world that violence is something that a country can commit against another country, and get away with it. And in my opinion, that is exactly why Israel has done this. It has shamelessly taken advantage of its relationship (watch Michael Moore’s Fahrenheit 9/11 please – though I only watched a bit of it. Actually don’t watch it. Its rather confusing. It implies that USA has secret ties with both Arab countries and Israel. Ok I don’t remember exactly, so if I have got this point wrong, please tell me someone) with USA and of the mysterious power it has over Bush’s administration.
I am not saying that Hizbollah and Iran (maybe more Tehran actually) is not at fault. They started this whole thing. But this issue has been resolved before without any bloodshed (read Newsweek July 31st issue) and prisoners and dead bodies have exchanged hands (between Israel and Iran). So Israel, being the obviously superior country with more firepower and backup in terms of armed personnel as well as international support (from USA!!!!!!!!!), should have looked at this issue more rationally and tried to come to a peaceful resolution. I mean, its ok if they had shed some blood, but this much!
As of today, the death toll, according to http://www.cnn.com/ stands at 1000 people altogether, and the VAST majority of those dead people come from Iran, not Israel. Israel, as well as USA and the rest of the world, know that they are going to win this war. They know this. And yet they continue to – dare I say – invade Iran and kill innocent civilians, who when polled by Newsweek reporters, say that they want no part in this war and that they are more concerned with internal problems and issues.
How can USA stand by and watch this?? They are even supplying extra ammunition to Israel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!! What we need now is not violence but peaceful coexistence!!!!!! I mean there’s no getting around geography you know, if you’re situated in a place, you’re situated in a place. You can’t just change your neighbours!! If Israel is next to iran now, those two countries have to learn to coexist, or all the people who live there will become nothing more than refugees, and will have impoverished lives [i dont even want to start talking about the economic and social problems right now, coz that is a WHOLE other issue].
In fact, that area will become another Africa, and we all know the MULTIDUDE of problems Africa is going through right now. And we know who’s going to be more affected by the violence don’t we? The evidence is there, staring right at us, IRAN. OK Israel civilians are dying and North Israel is getting bombed, and Hizbollah is fighting back, yes I know that Iran is not completely rid of fault. Part of the blame does lie with them. But Israel, being the superior country here, should stop this incessant violence!
I’m just happy that the UN is doing SOMETHING, and its doing that something fast. Apparently a new resolution has been passed and Israel and Iran have signed a peace treaty, but I can’t get exact details on that now coz the internet connection here (I’m in my friend’s place) is screwed up. Oh and I also heard that Israel is still (STILL!??!?!?!) invading Iran and moving their ground troops further in. [I so have to check on these two things once I get access.]
It all comes down to USA really. USA and that screwed up administration. Oh and the screwed up population which keeps voting in popularity polls FOR Bush, instead of against him. Clinton was so diplomatic in comparison. Bush is all gung-ho and violence and Clinton always took care not to ruffle too many feathers – politically at least. I am NOT talking about his personal life. Just because he cheated on his wife [I AM NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS OK], doesn’t mean that he was a bad President. I mean, whenever mentions Clinton nowadays, the first thing [don’t deny this] that comes to people’s minds is that issue with Monica Lewinsky. I can’t recall the actual details of what exactly happened on account of being like in primary school or sth. Yeah. But seriously, take it from me, if I am saying that Clinton is better, I REALLY think Bush sucks as Mr. President.
Oh well. These are just my views anyway. Please, please do feel free to comment on anything that I’ve written – if I’ve made a mistake, please comment as well. And if you want to write something longer than what you can type on the tagboard, you can click the tab which says “Comments,” that is situated below this post. I’d really appreciate if someone goes for or against (YES! I want to argue!!!) my view or if someone has anything, generally, to say about this issue. =D [I don't even care if you don't put your name and instead just type a comment with your name as 'anonymous.' SEE! i am so nice!!]
omG! I just realized that this is my first post after coming to India that does not deal with my depression or my incessant complaints about the negative qualities that India, unfortunately, possesses. Oh well. I guess its coz I don’t really want to blog about MUN. My committee sucks. Thank god for delegates like my co-delegate. They do all the work and the rest of us just sit around and make noise. And some of us just make random comments sometimes. But apart from that, we just goof around. And I yawn. And think desperately of going home. Yes. ECOSOC is BORING unless you know what you’re doing, like my co-delegate who I mentioned earlier. He is so involved! Does everything, signs everything, writes everything, discusses everything, comments on everything, waves his placard for everything etc. you get my drift. So proactive. And all I do is yawn.
I think I’m more cut out for debate than I am for MUN. At least for debate, you have a proper topic, and all the speakers are decent, and there’s discipline amongst the general public, as well as the speakers. And they have better topics. In fact, the topics I have for this MUN are pretty debatable in a proper debate – one is on African gender inequality and the other is on Improving the conditions of a country stricken with natural disaster by way of improving their resistance (eg. Early warning system, infrastructure etc.) and by providing both short-term and long-term (effective) aid to these countries.
You know, I actually kind of miss debate. Crap. Oh well.
P.S. Sok, I WILL (and I have done some already) do my homework ok! Stop broadcasting that I haven’t done it on the www man! Someone could read it (LIKE MY TEACHER!!!!).
Ok I have to go now coz my eyes are tired. *eyes droop shut*
Sunday, August 06, 2006
amazon
I just realized something whilst pursuing that oh-so riveting activity – experiencing skull-numbing boredom – today. If you replace the 1st letter of the word ‘amazon’ with the letter ‘i,’ you get: Imazon. Which, when separated into its constituent syllables becomes: Im a zon.
Now if only ‘zon’ was a word. Unfortunately, as Microsoft word is telling me right this minute (through its zig-zag red line) that it is not a word. Krap. Why couldn’t it have been amaton…or amason??? Then my theory would’ve actually made sense.
Omg. See what I’ve been reduced to. Sitting around in some apartment somewhere in Mumbai suffering from anguishing bouts of…boredom. Egad. I used to have such good things to do with my time. Like actually having something to blog about. Now all I blog about is how crazy India is. And some crap about waxing.
This is such a GOOD way to spend my vacations don’t you think??? *SENSE THE SARCASM*
On a brighter note, my mum found oreos! In some supermarket, which isn’t so near our house. And NUTELLA! Finally. I can eat a proper breakfast – reminiscent of the breakfasts I enjoyed in Singapore. The whole point of these holidays was to pig out and eat whatever I don’t get in school!!!!!! And im eating INDIAN FOOD!!! Hello!! My school is in INDIA and they ONLY serve INDIAN FOOD. If I had wanted to continue eating Indian food I would’ve STAYED IN SCHOOL. Argh.
I am so depressed right now. Very. Very. Depressed. Here’s the list:
1) School in 2 weeks. I am so screwed coz I haven’t finished my homework and I am going to do so badly for my exams its going to be a record. Coz all the people in my grade are BIG FAT NERDS. Oh. Except the people I hang out with of course. =D we are cool.
2) Homework. My homework is in an alarming state of disrepair. I am going to die for these next two weeks coz I have MUN to prepare for too. And my partner is very disinterested in helping me do research!!! Grr. At least im in ECOSOC and not security council or sth as equally nauseating as that. And at least the topics are nice – gender equality in Africa, and natural disaster control/warning systems.
3) It’s raining. It has been raining NON-STOP for the last FOUR days. And my mood depends a lot on the weather. Unfortunately. And its like dark all day. So its never sunny no more. =[ too bad the idea of clubbing or shopping nauseates me as both of those activities are indoor and, thus, can be enjoyed during this dreary weather.
4) I miss my friends. And I miss Singapore sooo soo very much. My friend, afsheen, came back from Singapore today – she lives in Mumbai. And she was telling me that she’d been to orchard road and PS!!!! Omg. PS was amazing, is amazing and will always be amazing because of all the time I have spent there and all the memories of those times that I will always remember and cherish =D. and she went to sentosa, and saw Indonesia from the cable car, apparently. Is that possible?? I didn’t know! Weird. I thought Indonesia was further away than Malaysia?? Ok my geography is in a state of disrepair. I am so bad at it its shocking! I thought India was in the shape of a triangle!! And I didn’t know Bangalore was in Karnataka!! Haha. I know this mustn’t seem very shocking, but it is shocking to other people in India, especially if you are Indian and you are studying in India. Yeah. So basically, I really really miss people. =[ My attachment to Singapore, though, is quite surprising. I always thought that Singapore was boring, and I was always quite against living there after school. And now I am missing it!! Weird.
5) There are rumours of another terrorist attack. It’s apparently scheduled for Independence Day which is on the 15th of August. For the first time in my life, I am situated in a country which is facing a terrorist threat. Singapore has faced one before recently, but it was suppressed before it even began. Unfortunately, that is impossible here because of the dismal lack of infrastructure, the dismal state of the national police force, the dismal state of affairs within the government, the dismal congestion that Mumbai is currently facing and the dismal lack of knowledge about anything to do with the suspected terrorist group which was behind the bomb blasts here in early july 2006.
And if this isn’t enough, my dad is sulking. Add that to the list – when my dad sulks, there is no getting him to talk to you until something MAJOR happens. Major as in someone gets hurt, someone does well in school…basically a MIRACLE has to happen before my dad stops sulking. He holds grudges like no tomorrow. And he always thinks that he’s right. Kind of like me I suppose. Though, it should be the other way around – I, of course, get that trait from him. So, that mood is kind of pervading the house right now. And it is not helping me lift the dark clouds that are hanging over my head right now.
Bleargh. That one word sums up my feelings right now. I should’ve just blogged only that and skipped the whole thing where I ranted about the reasons. But its strangely satisfying to blog. I really don’t know why. I suppose what my mum says is true – people blog to satisfy their own ego. By blogging, people secretly hope that tons of people will read what they’ve written and either commend or agree with them. When someone you don’t really know, or someone you respect, or anyone actually, agrees with you, you feel good. And that is, according to my mother, why people blog.
I know its rather disconcerting. I mean, my first reaction to that was: I am not an attention-seeker! How dare you say that!! I don’t have an ego ok! I am not a walking bundle of testosterone! But you know, on second thought, what she said was totally true.
If being a mum means spouting these words of wisdom, that affect people greatly, and actually making sense and being correct about something deep and insightful for a change, I want to be one!!!! Not now of course. haha. I want to be reeking of wisdom already!
Ok now I have to go. Must eat dinner. Which is – surprise, surprise – INDIAN FOOD.
Ackkkkkkkkkkk.
Now if only ‘zon’ was a word. Unfortunately, as Microsoft word is telling me right this minute (through its zig-zag red line) that it is not a word. Krap. Why couldn’t it have been amaton…or amason??? Then my theory would’ve actually made sense.
Omg. See what I’ve been reduced to. Sitting around in some apartment somewhere in Mumbai suffering from anguishing bouts of…boredom. Egad. I used to have such good things to do with my time. Like actually having something to blog about. Now all I blog about is how crazy India is. And some crap about waxing.
This is such a GOOD way to spend my vacations don’t you think??? *SENSE THE SARCASM*
On a brighter note, my mum found oreos! In some supermarket, which isn’t so near our house. And NUTELLA! Finally. I can eat a proper breakfast – reminiscent of the breakfasts I enjoyed in Singapore. The whole point of these holidays was to pig out and eat whatever I don’t get in school!!!!!! And im eating INDIAN FOOD!!! Hello!! My school is in INDIA and they ONLY serve INDIAN FOOD. If I had wanted to continue eating Indian food I would’ve STAYED IN SCHOOL. Argh.
I am so depressed right now. Very. Very. Depressed. Here’s the list:
1) School in 2 weeks. I am so screwed coz I haven’t finished my homework and I am going to do so badly for my exams its going to be a record. Coz all the people in my grade are BIG FAT NERDS. Oh. Except the people I hang out with of course. =D we are cool.
2) Homework. My homework is in an alarming state of disrepair. I am going to die for these next two weeks coz I have MUN to prepare for too. And my partner is very disinterested in helping me do research!!! Grr. At least im in ECOSOC and not security council or sth as equally nauseating as that. And at least the topics are nice – gender equality in Africa, and natural disaster control/warning systems.
3) It’s raining. It has been raining NON-STOP for the last FOUR days. And my mood depends a lot on the weather. Unfortunately. And its like dark all day. So its never sunny no more. =[ too bad the idea of clubbing or shopping nauseates me as both of those activities are indoor and, thus, can be enjoyed during this dreary weather.
4) I miss my friends. And I miss Singapore sooo soo very much. My friend, afsheen, came back from Singapore today – she lives in Mumbai. And she was telling me that she’d been to orchard road and PS!!!! Omg. PS was amazing, is amazing and will always be amazing because of all the time I have spent there and all the memories of those times that I will always remember and cherish =D. and she went to sentosa, and saw Indonesia from the cable car, apparently. Is that possible?? I didn’t know! Weird. I thought Indonesia was further away than Malaysia?? Ok my geography is in a state of disrepair. I am so bad at it its shocking! I thought India was in the shape of a triangle!! And I didn’t know Bangalore was in Karnataka!! Haha. I know this mustn’t seem very shocking, but it is shocking to other people in India, especially if you are Indian and you are studying in India. Yeah. So basically, I really really miss people. =[ My attachment to Singapore, though, is quite surprising. I always thought that Singapore was boring, and I was always quite against living there after school. And now I am missing it!! Weird.
5) There are rumours of another terrorist attack. It’s apparently scheduled for Independence Day which is on the 15th of August. For the first time in my life, I am situated in a country which is facing a terrorist threat. Singapore has faced one before recently, but it was suppressed before it even began. Unfortunately, that is impossible here because of the dismal lack of infrastructure, the dismal state of the national police force, the dismal state of affairs within the government, the dismal congestion that Mumbai is currently facing and the dismal lack of knowledge about anything to do with the suspected terrorist group which was behind the bomb blasts here in early july 2006.
And if this isn’t enough, my dad is sulking. Add that to the list – when my dad sulks, there is no getting him to talk to you until something MAJOR happens. Major as in someone gets hurt, someone does well in school…basically a MIRACLE has to happen before my dad stops sulking. He holds grudges like no tomorrow. And he always thinks that he’s right. Kind of like me I suppose. Though, it should be the other way around – I, of course, get that trait from him. So, that mood is kind of pervading the house right now. And it is not helping me lift the dark clouds that are hanging over my head right now.
Bleargh. That one word sums up my feelings right now. I should’ve just blogged only that and skipped the whole thing where I ranted about the reasons. But its strangely satisfying to blog. I really don’t know why. I suppose what my mum says is true – people blog to satisfy their own ego. By blogging, people secretly hope that tons of people will read what they’ve written and either commend or agree with them. When someone you don’t really know, or someone you respect, or anyone actually, agrees with you, you feel good. And that is, according to my mother, why people blog.
I know its rather disconcerting. I mean, my first reaction to that was: I am not an attention-seeker! How dare you say that!! I don’t have an ego ok! I am not a walking bundle of testosterone! But you know, on second thought, what she said was totally true.
If being a mum means spouting these words of wisdom, that affect people greatly, and actually making sense and being correct about something deep and insightful for a change, I want to be one!!!! Not now of course. haha. I want to be reeking of wisdom already!
Ok now I have to go. Must eat dinner. Which is – surprise, surprise – INDIAN FOOD.
Ackkkkkkkkkkk.
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