ok the past few days have been QUITE eventful..alot of stuff happening..in school, at home, with friends..

but im ok with it u know..coz whenever i feel that there's too much to do and that im going to spontaneously combust soon..someone comes and starts complaining about his/her much MORE hectic life and then i start feeling a little better *sadistic grin*

muahaha.

ok so lets see..last friday = IL night which was mostly a success on our part..the turnout wasnt so good but the DRAMA ROCKED..congrats to riya, kaamini, karunan and mubarak (even though only 1 of them are likely to read this post..haha) for acting bloody well..oh and referring to riya's blog post..ure acting was really good ok and u played the part perfectly =) everyone said so and everyone was complimenting u..believe me *beamz* ok and as expected i forgot the steps for my dance but nvm u know..coz everyone was distracted by maha and TP's great dancing abilities so i didnt feel stupid or dumb or anything..and i had LOADS OF FUN.. so it was great..

oh and practically the whole of IL fell in love with my brother..muahaha..can see he takes after me =) yes i know..start throwing flowers all around me *beamz* tee hee.

so then afterwards i went out with the rest of the IL crew to KAP and we had a great time throwing fries at one another *ahem* and showing off the brilliant IL family tree..brainchild of ures truly *beamz* haha..and gossiping (DUH..what IL gathering is complete without gossip..haha)..had lots and lots of fun..even though my phone got confiscated later.

yes..u read the last line correctly..my phone got bloody confiscated by my parents..but u know what..even though i was seriously angry on saturday..im kind of OK with it now..coz there are so many other ways of communicating..seriously..like chat..im spending extended amounts of time online now (haha..its either one or the other lah..cannot deprive me of both if not i'll go mad because of lack of communication with friends) and the HOUSE PHONE..haha..ive just fully realised the potential of not having a hand phone..coz it leads to me using the house phone alot and racking up the bill and then this will ultimately result in my phone coming BACK TO ME!!!

muahaha. once again i prove my genius-ness. *cue evil laughter*

anyway..saturday was spent in a haze of gloominess (reason is very evident) and then sunday was TENNIS DAY..quite fun =) ok then today was great too..went out with sherinah and chitra to watch madagascar (shhh..my mum doesnt know if not she wont let me watch star wars on wednesday..hee) and then walked around, ate lunch, took neoprints, GOSSIPED (tee hee)..the movie was quite funny lah..the king lemur and the penguins are bloody funny *beamz* the theatre was full of kids though so the ambience wasnt there man..but we had a great time even though half the popcorn fell out of a hole in the bottom of the popcorn box =| GAH. and i spent 20 bucks. GOD. i am going to be bankrupt very very soon. coz my mum refuses to give me pocket money again til i clear up my table. grrrrrrrrrrr.

right now, i refuse to think about after june holidays because whenever i do i feel depressed and i wonder why i couldnt just refuse to go and just stay here coz so much good stuff is happening in my life..i really couldnt ask for more. seriously. i mean compared to certain ppl's problems in their lives..my life is really quite peachy u know..but only comparitively. i still feel quite depressed at times.

like when i see ppl using their bloody cool handphones on the bus/mrt/public places.

gah.

ummm.

errrr.

life is so complicated. there are so many things (more negative than positive) going on that i dont know where to start. and whenever i feel like crap...WHAM...sth else negative comes along and makes me feel more crappy. and then some.

maybe its just paranoia. maybe its just me deluding myself. but maybe im like the lucklesses on the amanda show...i have no luck. no fortune. no nothing. and that sucks. it really does.

coz when everyone expects you to be happy, satisfied, not lonely and emotionally well...and ure not..that really sucks. it does. take it from me. i'd rather have started out as a person who's not all of the above so people dont expect me to be everything im not. and its not like i can tell them im not coz then they'll think im weird and then..oh well..its a vicious cycle of emotional instability and mental disorderliness.

oh and have i mentioned that going to a co-ed school after 4 years of a single sex one really sucks. its bad for ure health and really drains you mentally and physically. *incoherent sound of protest*

ok and i officially hate econs (i flunked the test majorly. i just repeated the same point 4 times in 4 different paragraphs. i should have handed it in for GP = full marks for paraphrasing) and chemistry (SPA = major disaster with horrible consequences such as mental paranoia, anguish and banging-head-against-wall syndrome) and math (what is he talking about again? no. really. WHAT??). physics is the only interesting subject.

oh and why doesnt the government focus more on training the teachers instead of torturing us by implementing such a rigorous study regime? HELLO its so freaking logical. if the lecturers make sense, the students are happy. if the students are happy the tutors are happy coz then they can slack more (which is what they happen to do best nowadays..its always come to class, discuss questions with the more intelligent humanoid like beings in the front row, and then leave to go eat/drink/go to the toilet or whatever teachers do in their free time). if the tutors are happy everyone is happy. ITS SO OBVIOUS. take out the root cause and voila - problem solved.

sometimes i just feel like giving up everything and sitting down somewhere quiet and think about nothing in particular. maybe thinking about the future, or contemplating past events or just NOTHING. that would be total bliss. i wish there weren't sucky things to handle like relationships, studies, parents' overbearing concerns...u get the idea.

and i wish i could just flick a switch and end the cacophony of voices in my head...and those around me as well.

yep thats all i have to say.

ok haha..i koped this from riya's blog *beamz*

[spell your name back wards]
aylaha. i somehow prefer it forwards though -.-

[the story behind your email address]
ermm..i just copied my mum's format..ive had it since...like pri 6 i think. what can i say..im a creature of habit..Lol.

[favourite shirt]
ermmm..none in particular..seeing as i dont go shopping much and most of my clothes are like the cheap cheap ones i buy out of necessity. but i do like all my black shirts =) and i like wearing skirts nowadays too since its so insanely hot.

[piercing]
none. i dont believe in body piercing.

[hair]
black and will always be black unless i go through a manic phase or sth..like that time in sec 4 when i really really really wanted to streak it purple. =|

[makeup]
nopez. none for me..unless i start wearing contacts..then i'll need to cover my hideous eyebags. *sigh* sometimes i really wish i was a guy..then i wont need to spend like thousands of hours worrying abt how i look..not that i do..but still...

[something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]
STAR WARS STAR WARS STAR WARS. oh and harry potter book no. 6 AND getting at least 8++ hours of sleep every night during the june holidays!! haha..

[something that you are deathly afraid of?]
dying, heights, cockroaches, snakes, creepy crawlies, those huge flies that buzz into the house at night =(

[do you believe in love]
yeah =)

[do you believe in forgiveness]
yeah, but forgetting is hard though.

[where are 3 places you wouldn't mind relocating to]
USA, paris, new zealand (this place is so scenic *beamz*)

[favorite pig out foods?]
chocolate fondeau!!! and chocolate fudge cake!! and cornettos!!! and cookies and cream ice cream!! and mocha chip ice cream!! ANY ICE CREAM!!! haha

[is there something you wish you could understand better]
my chemistry notes. and my math summation notes. and also why we have to go through this torturous A level syllabus and also why these stupid idiotic geniuses have to come up with so many formulas. =( oh and why i cant do magic. also why i have to make choices.

[best qualities]
happy, fun, cheerful, good-natured

[worst qualities]
paranoid, naive, blur, lazy, dont exercise enough..hmmm..

[what makes me happy]
CHOCOLATE!! and ice cream!! hanging out with friends (NJ peeps rock!!) and playing 'tiger, tiger' with my brother!! and 'disco dancing' with my family at home (HAHAHAHA)!!! taking photos!!

[what upsets me]
backstabbers. bitches. my parents' rigidness and their habit of making mountains out of molehills. when close friends of mine drift away from me.

YES OR NO?

[you cook]
yes!!! haha..

[you have a secret you have not shared with anyone]
yeah. as of now yes. haha..but most prob it will be divulged in the near future..dunno whether that's a good thing or not =|

LAST..

[song you listened to]
Lonely by Akon..it just gets STUCK in my head and refuses to budge. but its damn cute =)

[person you've called]
ermm...ok my mum =|

[person that's called you]
ally!!

[person u sms]
sherinah

[person whom instant msged you]
last time i went online was like 3 days ago i think..most prob it was trisha or malz or sth...

[thing you were thinking about]
ermmm..u dont wanna know. really =| im not sure i want to admit it to myself in the 1st place...

DO..

[you think about suicide]
NOPEZ. im happy with my life the way it is *beamz*

[others find you attractive]
none that i know of...hmm..my brother does i think..does that count?? LOL.

[you drink]
not really. just water most of the time. and coke sometimes. milkshakes too.

[you like roller coasters]
not really..they're fun but i hate the aftermath..the part where i start hurling. =|

[you write in cursive or print]
both. when my hand gets tired its cursive. if not print.

[you carry a donor card]
nopez

HAVE YOU EVER...

[lied to someone]
yeah. mostly to authority. most of the time..i find i cant lie to friends..i start blushing or grinning..GAH.

[ever been in a fist fight]
no

[ever been arrested]
no. and i hope never to be.

WHAT..

[shampoo do you use]
herbal essence

WHO..

[makes you laugh the most]
all my friends really..priya, sok, sherinah, chitra, S12 ppl, etc etc etc.

[has a crush on you]
ermm..none that i know of.

WHEN WAS THE..

[last time you did something]
ermm..ok last time i bathed was last night at 12. last time i watched tv was last night. some stupid tamil serial that my parents were watching. last time i went out properly was like a month ago =| though last night at KAP with cerise, denise, leon and dev was DAMN FUN. haha..

[last time you were totally care free]
during first 3 months orientation..whopee..it was damn fun *Beamz*

[whats your favourite colour]
i have a few..black, white, purple, blue. and sometimes orange. when im feeling sad. as u can see im a bit indecisive.

[what are you planning to do tomorrow]
go for the IL dance rehearsal for which im dancing in the semi-classical (STUPID SHERINAH!! some others can dance so much better than me!!!) and the bhangra. haha..i hope its gonna be fun...

oh well..took damn long to type out everything coz i couldnt bear to leave some stuff out of the answers..everything i say is so impt that i can differentiate btw impt and trivial stuff..LOL..

anw..yesterday was damn fun. *beamz* made quite alot of profit. actually not alot but enough to cover the cost price and the overhead..WHOOPEE!! it wasnt a failure as some ppl were thinking and i think its great that we pulled it off..seeing as how dysfunctional and disorganized we were in the beginning..

and had a great time gossiping with sherinah and chitra and walking around the track and sitting on drains (sounds gross but was fun..haha)..we should do that again sometime..=)

and the kap thing was fun too =) saw sam, hui, wai, sui etc there too. they were sitting at the table next to us..haha..somebody's bday is coming eh..lol..anw so we played cards and then laughed quite a bit.. was quite fun =) haha..enjoyed myself alot yesterday *beamz*

ok i gtg bathe..if not my mum will come and yell at me AGAIN. gawd doesnt she EVER take a rest??? *pissed off look*

*sigh*

ok i have never felt this tired in a long time..ever since sec 3 specialists camp =| which was mentally and physically exhausting..much of the exhaustion came from the travelling time..the place was quite far far away..and i had to take a cab every morning..coz if not the journey would take like 2 hours +.

wtf am i doing talking abt specialists camp?!?!

ok back to the present: im so frigging tired. and bored. did i mention tired?

i dont feel like ever getting out of bed..and i dread ALL my tutorials except physics (coz i mostly copy the answers or try but dunno how to do) coz i never do my homework and i get this guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach coz i know that if i stay this way i'll most probably end up failing my promos (if i take them that is). and that would be a bitter pill to swallow especially my parents who think im some genius child =|.

well im not u know. im just an average person (unlike some IRRITATING people in my class who persist in doing all their homework on time and snigger at me when i say i tried but couldnt do some hw coz they dont believe me) who has no time to do anything unless i start wearing nerd glasses and knee socks and never come out of my study room and stay glued to my chair and buy like 10 refils a day or something. i dont want to end up like that. so sue me. hmph.

this feeling sucks. the fact that my conscience is still existent and prevalantly existent, mind you, in my body really sucks. whenever i skip doing my homework there's this nagging thought, or rather these nagging thoughts, that refuses to go away: ure exams!! u have to study!! u have to at least pass!! ure parents are expecting 4 A's!! u have to study or at least do ure homework if not ure gonna fail miserably!! and the thought that my parents will probably disown me if i dont do well, while extremely unpleasant, keeps flashing in my head. =|

im turning into a droid...seriously..and the fact that im not developing a good rapport with my classmates is really getting on my nerves..i dunno why..i try to tell myself that i have perfectly excellent friends outside of my class and that i actually have a life and that im not a boring old nerd who lives to go home and study. i dont go out much and all that but im happy with that arrangement coz if i go out all the time my parents (especially my mum) will get pissed at me and i know that ultimately my parents are the ones who are going to support me all the way and be there whatever happens..so i cant afford to get my parents pissed at me. And my family rocks =) seriously. my siblings are the best brother and sister pair in the world. *beamz*

but it just gets on my nerves. oh wellz..must try and get over it =|. i know im not going to like break down from work exhaustion in school or start yelling at people coz ive gone through times like these before and i can and will put up a facade like usual. it works like a charm..works too well sometimes =|

oh wellz. just in case u ppl forgot: 19th MAY: STAR WARS!!! anakin anakin anakin!! hayden hayden hayden!! ewan ewan ewan!! oh and not to forget..hp book no. 6 is coming out in june!!

ok haha..im done with my emotional outburst..back to school tmr..the last thing i want to do right now is wake up in the wee hours of the morning and go to school but isnt it sad?? i know that is exactly what im going to do tomorrow. =( *majorly depressed look*

surveys!! =P

ok so i spent the whole day (ok maybe just an hour) doing stupid surveys on www.blogthings.com (further proof that i have no life =|) and since i don't want my time to go waste i am pasting a few results here (the others are too embarrassing and mortifying).

1) My brain's gender: results are quite weird coz apparently i have a healthy mix of male and female (the male part is higher!!! =|) but i get along much MUCH better with girls than with guys. hmm..

Your Brain is 46.67% Female, 53.33% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female You are both sensitive and savvy Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

2) Ok this next one is really really dumb and stupid. I am NOT SNARKY!! It takes alot for me to even get angry =| Im putting it here to highlight the inane stupidity of online quizzes.

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of. And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

What kind of blogger are you?

3) Ok if ure getting bored: good news!! 2nd last one =) lol. anw i dunno what to think about this..im pasting it here coz i had no idea there were more flavours of pocky than chocolate and strawberry...*enlightenment*

You Are Banana Pocky

Your attitude: fun and lighthearted Unique and unforgettable

What Flavor Pocky Are You?

4) LAST ONE!! and most accurate too!! i swear the results weren't like doctored or sth..its so amazingly unbelievable true!! haha..but its like one in a million..usually surveys are extremely inaccurate..at least for me coz i think something different everytime and never remember my answers =|

Your True Birth Month Is December

Logical Patriotic Ambitious Not egoistic Loves praise Loves to joke Fun to be with Not pretending Loves attention Short tempered Hates restrictions Loves to socialize Loves to be loved Loyal and generous Impatient and hasty Changing personality Good sense of humor Honest and trustworthy Influential in organizations Takes high pride in oneself Active in games and interactions

What's Your True Birth Month?

Ok haha..im done with surveys =P nothing much has been happening..
oh: HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY SHROOZ!! YOU ROCK MY SOCKS!!!

and thanks to priya, sok, dhiviya, sruthi, neeti (hugz right back atcha =P), Sherinah, aranel and samz for leaving such nice messages *beamz* i love u guys..and im fully over my depression rite now..for the time being. haha..im a teenager with oestrogen in my blood after all. ok that sounded weird...hmm..

anw i have to go now..my mum is breathing down my neck and glaring at me from the other room (i can feel the power of her glare through the wall) for 'frittering' my time away coz i wanted to spend like half an hour on the com instead of studying...OH I FINISHED MY PI!!! muahaha..the force is so with me =). oh that reminds me..STAR WARS IS IN LESS THAN HALF A MONTH!!! I CAN SEE ANAKIN ON A BIG SCREEN AGAIN!!!

i think when i watch the movie i'll probably cry though..coz im quite sad after watching the trailer where anakin is killing all the other jedis =(. oh well..but the rest of the movie + the HP book 6 coming out in june will more than make up for it *beamz* oh and of course the FRENCH OPEN (MARAT!! MARAT!! MARAT!! event though he's not that good on clay..) will help too *grinz*

ok i must go and do econs essay outlines..til next time then =)

muahaha.