(Stale) Peanut Butter and (Decomposed) Jelly

So I've been putting this off for as long as possible. Writing in my blog that is. Don't even know why.

No actually I do. Firstly, no one reads this blog because it's DEAD (which is my fault). Secondly, I don't know where to start. It's like I'm not exactly at the peak of my creative cycle (it's NOT as regular as the menstrual cycle sadly =D). I hardly even know what I'm writing right now.

But then again, you (you being the hypothetical person who reads my blog) might ask, why am I blogging now if I'm lamenting at the same time that I can't? Well that's also coz of a couple of reasons: I'm completely, utterly bored. Sure, I could be writing the article for the newsletter but I don't feel like. And with writing, at least for me, it should come naturally. If it doesn't it's not as good. And bad writing, especially MY bad writing just kills me. Second, I was just compelled to come online and blog. Like, I didn't even know what I was doing. Usually I click on the msn messenger icon and logg in first to see whether there were any interesting people online which, nowadays, doesn't happen much (maybe it's coz msn doesn't really appeal to me as much as it did before). But today I went straight to safari and went to www.blogger.com and now here I am, stumbling through a blog entry.

I know what they mean by writer's block now. Writer's block is HORRIBLE. Trying to describe it does not even BEGIN to come close to actually feeling the block. It's like being completely unable to express yourself. Think of a person who loves to talk but then, is one day, rendered mute. Think of a person who's very life is music but then, is one day, rendered deaf. Think of a soccer player who's just been told that he can never play soccer ever again because he broke his legs.

It's like that. I hate the feeling. Of course, I'm not feeling it on that level, probably because I'm not a full-time writer. But it just scares me. I mean, if this affects me so much now, imagine how dependent I would be on myself and my talents when I grow up and start working! Is this how being old is - being unable to do what you have been doing for your whole life?

Maybe I'll have to change my answer to that question that people like to ask each other: Work for passion, or for money. I've always said that I would work for passion. But in the end, if it's all just going to stop, just like this sentence.

Maybe it's a good thing I'm doing engineering instead of political science or journalism.

Morbidity is definitely NOT GOOD when you're all alone at home.

In other news, I'm off to McGill (it's in Montreal, Canada for all the hypothetical dingbats who didn't know and who are going to read my blog). I'm really quite excited. Sure, I have those worries about how I might not fit in. But c'mon, it's a big place. I'm sure to find someone as zany as me there.
I really hope I do. Else, university is going to be terrible. I need a fellow pigeon wherever I go.